A Canadian Chuckle

Profiling Canadians

Canada, much like the US, has different types of citizens. I’m not talking about races–more like different groups of the community. Here are the most prominent groups in my dissection of Canadians:

The Earth-Loving Hippies: Typically found throughout B.C. (lucky me) these folks practice yoga, use eco-friendly house cleaners (if they have houses) and drink oolong tea. Normally spotted wearing patchwork clothes and dreadlocks. They’re basically walking stereotypes of what hippies are. Often found playing sitars or mandolins in local coffee shops and spreading the word on how we, as humans, can help preserve our planet. These people terrify me.

Oh Lord, Kumbaya.

The Down-Home Industrious Type: These people are easily compared to the people of the Western and Southern States. Hard working, boot wearing, beer chugging people. They probably have the thickest Canadian accents, using words like “hoser”, “eh”, “canuck” and “aboot”. Usually found in “The Prairies” which include parts of Alberta, Manitoba, and Saskatchewan. I don’t know how to act around these types. I just start giggling at the first sign of a thick Canadian accent.

Rick Moranis and some other guy.

The Trendy Hipsters: Every country has them. Every country except maybe Poland. I can’t picture any Polish hipsters, but what do I know? These types are almost always 30 or younger and are found in and around big cities. Their favorite bands are ones that you haven’t ever heard of. And they buy their clothes from vintage stores in order to make them more unique than the other hipsters. They don’t drink Starbucks or eat at any mainstream restaurants. Quinoa and other next generation foods are consumed by this trendy crew. You wouldn’t understand their lifestyle. And frankly, why would you want to?

He's dressing like this ironically. If you don't understand the irony, then you don't understand life.

The Athletic, Rich, Middle-Aged Cool Cats: These people are the kind of people that the world loves to hate. They win everything, they’re naturally skinny, and they have the newest and best of everything. Basically all the characteristics I would want in a best friend. They’re always biking, or kayaking, or doing other skinny activities. They’re smart, have great jobs, yet they always have tons of time to do cool things. They make up a lot of Canada. For some reason there are tons of cool cats here and I don’t know how I feel about it yet. Too much competition for me.

I can't decide if I hate them or if I want to be them. Can't it be both?

I think that’s a pretty good list. I mean, there’s only so many different types of people here. Most of them include types of people that I hate. Question of the century: Do I have really high standards, or do I just hate the world?