St. Patrick’s Day: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I would say, “Kiss me, I’m Irish!” But I’m actually Irish and I don’t want to be kissed by any of you. No offense. I decided to highlight some of my favorite things about St. Patty’s day and some of my least favorite things that remotely relate to Ireland.

The Good:

Wearing green. I actually look really great in green so today happens to make my beauty a focal point. I joke, I joke. But in all seriousness, it really brings people together when everyone is wearing the same color. It makes you feel like you’re a part of something, because, lets face it, none of us are really a part of anything. We’re just floating around in life. Wearing green gives us something to do. And it shows that you made a conscious effort to dress up for a weird holiday. I really like the idea of punching people that don’t wear green. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Or did I make that up because that’s what I actually want to do.

The Disney movie The Luck of the Irish. I don’t know how many of you are familiar with this, but this movie made a mark on my childhood. It’s incredibly cheesy. This is how IMDB.com describes it: “A teenager must battle for a gold charm to keep his family from being controlled by an evil leprechaun.” Obviously the story is more complex than that. The teenager, Kyle, starts turning into a leprechaun after the family’s luck starts disappearing. His mom starts turning into a leprechaun too. Some other stuff happens. Kyle’s grandpa’s name is Reilly O’Reilly which is my favorite name ever next to the bad guy’s name which is Seamus McTiernen. I remember forcing my dad to watch this movie all the while he was probably wondering how his child grew up to be a semi-retarded pre-teen. But I think he secretly liked it. I still have it on VHS if anyone wants to borrow it.

Oh, and Kyle plays basketball and eventually beats the evil leprechaun in a nail-biting game.

The Bad:

Shamrock Shakes. No, McDonald’s. NO. No one like’s mint flavored shakes. Don’t bring them back. Think of a different green item to serve us. Green eggs and ham perhaps? Green sausage patties would even be acceptable. But Shamrock Shakes are just gross and weird. Plus, there aren’t even any shamrocks in the recipe. That’s so misleading. And while you’re at it, get rid of that Egg Nog crap you sell around Christmas. No one likes that.

St. Patty’s Day not being an actual holiday. What I mean by that is, no one gets off school or work for St. Patrick’s day. Apparently, St. Patrick banished all snakes from Ireland. What a legend. I would love to banish a species, especially a gross one like snakes. Patty knew what was up. And now we celebrate him. You know how people say to keep Christ in Christmas? Well maybe more people should keep St. Patrick in St. Patrick’s Day. Just let that one sink in for a bit. If it’s going to be a true holiday, then let’s not do anything. PLEASE. Who can I talk to about this?

No one mentioned that St. Patrick was a giant. HE'S HOLDING A CHURCH.

The Ugly:

Bono. How can I get him to just go away forever?

New Years Eve

Someone tell Bono that he's making AIDS worse.

I think 2011 was one of my greatest years. So many crazy things happened! I graduated from an English University, I got married, I moved to a different country, I made new friends, and made a blog.  Lots of milestones packed into one year! I wonder what 2012 holds?

I rarely make resolutions. If I do, it’s usually “lose weight” along with every other girl on the planet. Even when we girls are skinny, we never appreciate it. There’s always room to lose a pound or two. But I’m going to exclude that from my resolutions this year, because, lets face it, it’s not gonna happen. So here it goes, 2012 Resolutions!

1. Stop hatin’. I can hate on everything and anyone. Seriously, its a gift. But instead of saying “hate” I should just say that I highly dislike something. Approximate time that this resolution will last: 1 week.

2. Volunteer more. Working for no pay is possibly the worst idea that anyone has ever thought of. I also highly dislike the phrase ‘pro bono’ because it looks like pro Bono, the annoying Irishman who won’t take off those hideous shades. I’m definitely anti Bono. I feel like I should be doing more work though, and since I can’t really get a job, I might do some volunteering. Hopefully it will be good for my soul. Approx. time this will last:  4 months. Do I have too much faith in myself?

3. Be more spontaneous. In Victoria, I literally do the same thing day after day. I need to go explore, make friends, find activities (not that blogging isn’t a good activity!) and make more of life. Approx. lasting time: 2 minutes.

4. Read more. I used to be really into reading books from the “Classics” section of Barnes and Noble. Now I read a blog or two and I’m exhausted. Approx. lasting time: The whole year (because that’s how long it takes me to read a single book).

5. Make our apartment cozy and perfect. I have been saving up for a couch ever since I moved to Canada. I don’t work that often, so I’ve only saved up a little over $1000. But hey, I babysit for a living! I’m not a citizen, so I can’t get a real job right now. I’m proud of my savings! I am about half way to my couch! I also got a great deal on an entertainment center for our TV. Slowly but surely, my perfect home is falling into place. Approx lasting time: Forever.

6. Go to church more. I’ve been seriously slacking. It’s not that I don’t want to go, because I do. I really do. I’m just SO LAZY. I cannot be bothered to get there at 9:30am. I really want to go every week, AND start reading my scriptures more because I don’t remember anything. There were some religious questions on Jeopardy and I didn’t know anything! How embarrassing. Approx. lasting time: Until the next Rapture.

7. Complain a lot little less. This is tricky since there is so much to complain about daily. Dumb people, smart people, people who think they’re smart but they’re really dumb, people who think they’re dumb but they’re really smart, people in general, etc. Approx. lasting time: I don’t even know if I can start this one.

Wow making resolutions is so depressing. I thought this year was pretty good, but look at all the things I can fix. Or I don’t have to change at all, since, lets face it, I’m literally the best person in existence. I just made this list to feel a little more human.

New 2012 Resolution: Try not to be so great.

Top 1000

Gift from the gods.

Last night I reached 1000 views on my blog! Just so you know, I played no part in 994 of those views. I feel like this joyous moment should be commemorated with my list of 1000’s.  I do not have 1000 items on this list, and its definitely not a “1000 things to do before you die” type of thing. Its just a compilation of things in life that contain the number 1000.

I’m pretty sure I’ve missed 1000 days of class Kindergarten-Undergrad. School is just so…mundane.

There are definitely 1000 people that I can’t stand. I will name 20 just so you get an idea. Susan Sarandon, Joy Behar, Guiliana Rancic, Kris Humphries, LuAnn de Lesseps, Teresa Guidice, Casey Anthony, Bono, Julianne Moore, Martha Stewart, Jennifer Aniston, Kristen Stewart, Kelly Ripa, Kelly Bensimon, George Lopez, Alison Pill, Dakota Fanning, Jenna Fischer, Anne Hathaway, Blake Lively.

The profusion of 1000 flowers to make the smell of Flowerbomb perfume by Viktor & Rolf. Come to think of it, I use 1000 sprays daily.

The number of times I have been to Disney World.

The amount of calories I usually eat in 5 minutes.

How many steps I won’t be taking on a walk today.

The number of strange dogs I have pet.

How much I weigh. Yep, in pounds.

The time when Paul said David Gray’s album was in his top 1000 albums. Hahahaa

Number of times that Avril Lavigne’s teeth have mesmerized me.

Times I have watched Clueless. And Titanic.

Barbie’s I have given a haircut.

Number of sports I don’t like.

Number of bugs that freak me out.

The amount of tater tots I can eat.

The amount of times I have randomly burst into tears.

How many times I wish I wasn’t washing dishes.

The number of Pokemon I wish were real.

Times I wished I looked like Frida Pinto.

Times I’ve laughed at my own jokes.