Animals

Don’t Pick It Up

I don’t know what it is about society today, but people are under the impression that not picking up dog poop is a bad thing. (I’m really going to be a hard-hitting reporter today.)

Aren’t we making more work for ourselves? And who actually wants to pick up poop? We already have to scoop out litter boxes! Isn’t that enough responsibility? And maybe our dogs are feeling shameful because of this whole thing. Nowadays people roll their eyes when their dogs squat down. Geeze! Just let them do their business! If someone came in the bathroom and rolled their eyes when you were pooping, I’m assuming that you wouldn’t like that.

Dog poop is biodegradable and good for the earth. How else will the earth get it’s nutrients if we don’t let them sink in? This is the reason that all of those natural disasters keep happening. It’s true. Look it up. I’ve actually seen people pick up poop in biodegradable bags, and just leave the bags on the ground! Good logic.

I believe that the main reason we’re told to pick up after our dogs is because people don’t want to step in poop. That’s understandable. I just find it weird that people have decided they don’t like looking at the ground. Like, honestly, how hard is it to look where you’re walking? The fact that police men can give you tickets for not picking up your dog’s poop is absurd to me. This is a free world! Let dogs poop where they please!

One of my friends once told me about a woman she knew that was taking her dog outside in her front lawn. When the dog went to the bathroom, a jogger ran by and said, “I hope you’re going to pick that up.” Personally, I would’ve been like, “Sure, yeah, I’ll pick it up.” And then I probably would’ve smeared it on the jogger’s back. I don’t know, maybe I have a lot of angst today. I just feel like this is a pressing issue in today’s world and Romney and Obama better be talking about it during their debates.

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living in canada, P0wning N3wbs

Going green. Another reason for me to hate everyone.

Is this some kind of secret black magic coding?

Ever since I can remember, I have hated recycling. I know its good for the earth and it makes it better for future generations, but I just hate it. I especially hate the people that live for it.

Let’s be clear. I’m not one of those people who throws trash out my car window without batting an eye. I will only throw out biodegradable things. I just like to have one trash can for everything. I also hear that recycling is expensive. And I’m all for extra money. Its just so much more work to sort things, or to remember to put boxes in one bin and cans in another. My husband likes to recycle our cans because the government gives us money back. And by money, I mean 4 bucks.  But whatever. As Tesco says, “every little helps!” I like to say that in my Bert from Mary Poppins accent. Aka the worst cockney of all time.

I failed biology my freshman year of college. Mind you, I got A’s and B’s in everything else. I am convinced that I failed because my teacher made us take this online quiz to measure out carbon footprints. Let’s just say…mine was the biggest.

Anyway, Canadians are super into going green and all that jazz. During the first week we were moving in, I had a lot of boxes from all of my stuff from home that I had sent here. And, like a true Canadian, I put the boxes in the paper and cardboard box. One day, when I was bringing another box inside, a man in my building stopped me and asked, “Did you put all of your boxes in the dumpster?” I said yes, looking down at my box that was identical to the ones I threw out. OBVIOUSLY. Then he said, “You need to break up your boxes because you didn’t leave any room for me in the dumpster. I had to break them up to make room.” What I should have said was, “Oh, poor you. I’m sure that really ruined your day. Shut up and get out of my doorway before I punch you, and your Lord of the Rings shirt in the face.” Instead I said, “Oh! Okay. Sorry about that.” Like a total n3wb.

So basically, even when I try to recycle, I do it wrong. See, what that guy really did was discourage me from ever recycling again. Its his loss, not mine.

Final note: Nothing disgusts me more than compost piles.

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