canada, Food

Sweet Thievery

I had to make sure I gave myself the proper amount of time to catch my breath before writing this post. You see, I’ve been laughing ever since I heard the report–there was a maple syrup heist in Quebec last Saturday. Canadians all around me asked if I heard the news. I guess we have different definitions of what news is.

So apparently some robbers stole a couple of barrels of syrup. I say “a couple” because the executive director of the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers (how would you like that to be your title?) said, “We don’t know yet how much is missing – we do know it is significant.” I wonder how they figured that one out. Looks like they’ve got some top Canadian sleuths on the case.

The best part of the whole story is that Quebec’s police force believes that the stolen syrup is going to be sold on the black market. Do you really think people are going to risk imprisonment  to buy maple syrup? Are people craving it that badly?

The executive director promises that there will be no shortage of maple syrup, so we shouldn’t worry. I guess people didn’t take into consideration that the US has their own supply of Vermont maple syrup. Maybe Canada was scared that they would have to start depending on the states for their own famous export. If that happened, Canada would probably be forced to change the emblem on their flag from a maple leaf to a beaver or something. So embarrassing. Let’s cross our fingers that Canada doesn’t have to go down that road.

I’m just gonna to stick to Aunt Jemima to be safe.


Mapled Out

Buddy the Elf belongs in Canada.

There’s an abundance of maple flavoring in Canada. It’s cute for a little while, but now it’s scary. I mean, I understand that their national tree is the maple, but ya know what? We have maple trees in the states too. You don’t see us getting excessive.

Let’s start off with the most common maple product: syrup. I’m surprised they even sell Mrs. Butterworth’s or Aunt Jemima here. You’ll get glares for even looking at other syrups. Traditional Canadian maple is the only kind that’s socially acceptable. Being the annoying person that I am, I always go with Aunt Jemima. She just looks so pleased that I’m letting her dress my pancakes and waffles.

The amount of sweets that are available in maple flavor concerns me. Doughnuts, cookies, candies, cereals, pies, coffees, breads, etc. are all mapley. And if anything is shaped in the form of a maple leaf, that’s a tell-tale sign that there’s maple ahead.

Hmm I wonder what these taste like?

The thing that makes me the most uneasy are maple flavored meats. So far I’ve had maple flavored bacon (which is actually quite good) and maple flavored salmon (which I guess is better than regular salmon).

The day that they introduce maple into fast food, is the day that I’m going on a hunger strike.