Lily Playing Jeopardy

Every weeknight my husband watches Jeopardy and I join him on occasion. I have trouble answering a lot of the questions, or questioning a lot of the answers, as you do on Jeopardy. Sometimes I’ll be familiar with a category and start thinking of possible answers before the questions are even asked. By doing so, I manage to make Jeopardy the least fun activity ever.

Let’s say someone picks the category Bible Books By Story. Here’s what it would be like to watch with me:

Some loser on the show named Sheila or something dumb: I’ll take Bible Books for $200 Alex.

Me: Ugh don’t call him Alex.

Alex: A great fish swallows a reluctant prophet.

Me: Who is John?

Sheila: Who is Jonah?

Alex: Correct!

Me: Oh yeah. I knew it started with a ‘J’.

Sheila: Let’s continue the category for $400.

Me: Yes, let’s.

Alex: Moas and boas are loaded into Noah’s ark.

Me: John?

Sheila: What is Genesis?

Alex: Right!

Me: Oh yeah. I forgot about that one.

Sheila: Bible Books for $600 please.

Alex: 3 friends are thrown into a fiery furnace.

Me: I’m gonna go with John.

Sheila: What is Genesis?

Alex: No sorry.

Me: HAH you already guessed Genesis you loser. Geeze Sheila, figure out the Bible already.

Sheila: Bible Books $800.

Alex: Shamgar, one of the title arbiters, kills 600 Philistines with an ox goad.

Me: Wtf is an ox goad? I’m pretty sure that was John.

Sheila: What is Judges?

Alex: Yes!

Me: Calm down Alex.

Sheila: Finish the category please.

Alex: Thomas doubts the other Apostles have really met the risen Jesus.

Me: John?

Shelia: Idk

Alex: Ooo sorry. The answer is John.

Me:

Bored Games

This makes me want to vom.

Do you see what I did with the title? I’m so smart and clever. My family has been playing lots of board games since we’ve all been home. And by lots of board games, I mean we’ve exclusively been playing a Jeopardy game that’s from 1992. You know how Alex Trebek always seems so snide when he reads the answer after a contestant makes a wrong guess? Maybe snide isn’t the right word. I’m too lazy to look up words that describe Alex Trebek. Just trust me when I say that Alex is annoying when he reads the answers. He acts as if every answer is so obvious. And he reads all foreign words in the proper accent which never ceases to make me cringe.

Trebek is originally from Canada. Sudbury, Ontario to be exact. He renounced his citizenship and became American. Which is weird. I would never give up my citizenship! I mean, he’s had a stable job since 1984 so I guess its understandable that he would just become a US citizen. Our country would clearly be lost without him.

There are so many games and game shows available to us nowadays it’s amazing that we don’t play a game every day. I feel like I don’t play enough card games. Card games are always so strategic. I appreciate a game that gives you props to use in either circumstance of winning or losing. You can throw down your cards after you win and say “IN YOUR FACE!” And you can also throw down your cards when you lose and say you don’t feel like playing anymore.

Card games are definitely the most satisfying of all the game types to win. I’ve tried to teach myself to play poker through facebook’s poker game. I’m almost decent. There’s a little chat section in the game where the other people playing can talk to you. Every once in a while people would say to me “nh” which freaked me out. Eventually I realized it stood for “nice hand.” As if I had any control over what hand I was dealt. Pshh. After a while I just pretended that they thought my hands were nice and pretty so I would respond “ty” (thank you).

Tonight I hung out in a friends basement and we played a game called Apples to Apples which was kind of fun. I had heard a lot of good things about it, but after playing it for a while, it was pretty boring. It takes absolutely no skill to play. I wouldn’t recommend it. I also brought my Jeopardy game. It wasn’t well received at first, but I think everyone enjoyed it. Let me clear up any confusion: Yes, I am 24 and still hang out in people’s basements and play board games. Not much has changed since I was 13.