My Favorite Halloween Moments

Welp, it’s Halloween which means that my birthday month is coming to a close. The presidential debates did a great job of taking the attention off of me and ruining my 25th birthday month. I’d like to close this October with a holiday-themed post. The following are my favorite Halloween moments from movies and TV. And by movies, I mean movie because I only named one.

The Hilarity of a Clever Costume: On How I Met Your Mother, the main character, Ted, dresses up as a hanging chad for a Halloween party. When I first saw this episode I thought, “Wow this is show is so funny!” And it was…for the first couple episodes. Then it was just the same thing over and over. How many times can someone laugh at Neil Patrick Harris saying “Legen–wait for it–dary!” I mean, come on. But yeah, the hanging chad costume made it all worth it.

* In case you don’t know what a hanging chad is, it’s the term for a voting ballot that hasn’t been punched out all the way. People used to punch a hole in paper to signify who their vote went to. I know, archaic. Al Gore kind of started the whole hanging chad thing right around the time that he invented the internet.

Realizing It’s Mandatory to Dress like a Skank: In Mean Girls, Cady learns the hard way when she shows up at a Halloween party in a costume that’s actually somewhat scary. I’ve never been a total fan of slutty costumes, although I’m sure if I had a super hot bod I would. I mean, if you got it, flaunt it! What I’m saying is that I can understand why it’s fun for girls to dress that way. It’s fun and exciting and you get tons of attention. Nothing’s better than that, right?!….

Home-Made Costumes That You Can’t Move In: Sue Heck from The Middle is one of the saddest characters that I’ve ever seen portrayed on a show. And I don’t mean that she’s emotionally sad, in fact Sue is genuinely a happy person. She’s just one of those people that you feel bad for. When Halloween rolls around, Sue decides to go as a single die. Unfortunately when she arrives at a party she is bumped into, overlooked, and used as a tabletop to hold her peer’s drinks.

The Fun of Dressing Up with Your Friends and Trick-or-Treating: This is really what Halloween is all about. The boys in Freaks and Geeks are some of my favorite characters ever. There is honestly nothing better than rocking an awesome costume and going out with your friends. Even if one of your friends dresses as The Bionic Woman.




Judgement Day #2..or 3?

The only lesbians that I allow.

I think it’s time for a little bit of tough love (otherwise known as the best part of my week). I’ve been keeping my eyes open for crazies because I haven’t had any run-ins as of late. How strange! Maybe I’ve just found the safe spots in town, or maybe they’re all hibernating. I managed to pick out some weirdos anyway. Let the judging commence.

One day I was driving home from “work” and I pulled up behind a bright blue car with a rainbow squiggle on the bumper. Not a rainbow flag, but a squiggle. Okay, apparently they’re either gay or gay supporters. You don’t have rainbows on your car for no reason. Then I noticed that they had one of those stick figure family decals below it. I glanced at it. Three kids. Two moms. Ugh. Lesbos. After that, I judged harshly. I have a couple of gay friends, who are guys. And I love them a lot. I just don’t understand lesbians. I mean, I can understand if a woman is physically, mentally, or sexually abused by a man and never wanted anything to do with men again. I get that. But I just, don’t understand how any woman would actually be turned on by a vagina. Like, there’s not a whole lot you can do with two vaginas. Sooo have fun with that.

The thing that annoyed me wasn’t that she was a lesbian though. The thing that annoyed me was that she had to show everyone that she was a lesbian. Look, we have two mom stick figures!  Ugh who cares. The rainbow squiggle is enough for me. It was weird though because I pulled up behind her again on a different day, saw the squiggle and the two moms and rolled my eyes.

It’s been unseasonably warm all over the US, and parts of Canada. People are lovin’ it. What I’m not lovin’ is when people say that it’s global warming. Can’t we be done with pretending that global warming is a real thing? I love when it’s bitter cold and the global warming people are like, “well first it has to cool down in order for it to warm up.” Just no. It’s just weather doing it’s thing. If global warming was really happening, I’d be ecstatic because I wouldn’t ever have to be cold again. But alas, I’m still cold and Al Gore is still one of the dumbest people around.

As I was driving, I saw someone skateboarding along the crosswalk. A girl was skateboarding. This is a rarity. Girls shouldn’t skateboard. I say this because skateboarding is extremely hard and it’s something that I never learned how to do. I remember my brother got a skateboard when we were younger and I played around on it a bit. Every time I got both feet on, I immediately fell. And it hurts to fall on blacktop. Especially when you don’t have any cushion. Or junk in the trunk. Ugh I have a flat butt, okay? So flat that if I sit on anyone’s lap, my butt bones (medical term) grind into their thighs causing them to exclaim, “Oww get off me!” It does wonders for my self-esteem.

Lastly, I saw a guy driving a smart car. I don’t really care about cars. But if a guy, or a girl for that matter, consciously goes out and purchases a smart car, they deserve to be judged. In fact, they probably want to be judged. Just buy a normal car. I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if he had a stick figure family on the back of his car with just one man because no one loves him.