Judging, Movies

Oscar Noms

I was feeling super uninspired a couple of minutes ago until I read Katie’s post about the fashion choices at the Golden Globes. I was obviously really passionate about this topic because I wrote her a 100-or-so word comment sharing my thoughts and feelings. Then a little light bulb went off in my head–Hey the Academy Award Nominations have been posted! I can write about that! And everyone knows I’m extremely talented when it comes to talking about movies and judging celebs because that’s the topic I was Freshly Pressed for. See, I’m good for something. tumblr_mjom5uWBbV1qaaafzo1_500

And that’s how I arrived at today’s post. And it’s going to be a lazy one. I’m going to filter through all of the nominees and determine which ones I would choose if I were single-handedly running the awards show. This is a really creative idea for a blog post, so no one steal this. It’s never been done before. I’m in awe of my innovative spirit.

Best Picture:

I would award Wolf of Wall Street best picture even though it’s probably not. The length really does it in for me. Did it really need to be 3 hours? No. Could a full hour have been cut out and make the film feel more concise? Defs. It was slightly indulgent on Scorsese’s part, but it was an entertaining show and a good story. Also I didn’t see 5 of the other movies up for the award soooo that kind of narrowed it down for me. Also, I just spelled Scorsese without looking it up.

Best Supporting Actress:

I’m glad JLaw got a Golden Globe because I will literally jump through my TV and pull a Kanye if she get’s another Oscar. Especially with the terrible NY accent she had in American Hustle. I think Sally Hawkins should win for her performance in Blue Jasmine. She was pretty great. However, I wouldn’t be upset if Lupita N’yongo won just because of the awesome red dress she sported at the GG’s. She has proven to be a person of worth.

Me, thinking of Jennifer Lawrence winning.

Me, thinking of Jennifer Lawrence winning.

Best Supporting Actor:

I like all of these fine men (except maybe Barkhad Abdi because his teeth scare me–I’m sure he’s nice) but I think Bradley Cooper deserves an Oscar. Or Michael Fassbender. Or Jared Leto. Or Jonah Hill. Idk all of them? What if “Idk all of them?” was on the envelope for Best Supporting Actor? I would make a great Academy.tumblr_mfnr9kolNf1r6kb4xo1_500

Best Lead Actress:

I think Cate Blanchett did a fantastic job in Blue Jasmine. Like, I’m not the biggest Woody Allen fan, but I thought the part of Jasmine was beautifully tragic and…I sound so dumb. I really liked Judi Dench’s character, Philomena, but I don’t think it required a lot from her. To be honest, I would be happy with either of these ladies.

Best Lead Actor:

Aww poor little Leo. He tried so hard. Give him an award already. Plus, I really don’t want to hear Matthew McConaughey’s voice again.tumblr_mjpp1agTA11qenmvro4_500

Best Director:

David O. Russell for American Hustle I guess. Purely because his movie rhymes with his name.tumblr_mxhoco5O8t1r7fvkfo1_500

Best Animated Feature:

Frozen. It’s the only one I saw and the only one I needed to see. Do we really want a movie called The Croods being awarded with a golden statue?

Achievement in Cinematography:

This is bordering on “boring award” territory, but I loved the movie Prisoners and I think it deserves to win something. Since this is the only award it’s up for, I thought I would give it some love.

Adapted Screenplay:

Philomena gets my vote. Did you know that Steve Coogan was one of the main writers? It’s a lovely and heartbreaking story that I think everyone should watch.tumblr_my6aedVUyj1qepf8yo1_500

Original Screenplay:

Okay, I didn’t really like Her that much (I thought it would be weird, but just weird enough where it was okay. It turned out to be I-forgot-how-gross-Joaquin-Phoenix-is weird.) but I applaud Spike Jonze’s creativity.tumblr_my9fcqoa8B1sqwfb9o1_250

Who and what are your top picks for this year?

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Movies

Even You Can Be Nominated for an Academy Award!

I’ve determined that every Best Actor and Actress has something in common. They pick roles that will shock people. They pick roles that are challenging. They pick roles that will make people love them because, deep down, they hate themselves so much. The least we can do is award them with some kind of trophy for all their hard work on top of their enormous salaries. We’re just the little people, after all.

If you want to go through all of the mess of going on auditions and getting discovered, go right ahead. That’s the hard stuff. If you want to find a role that will win you an Oscar, then you’ve come to the right place. Here are some tricks of the trade I’ve picked up from being an avid movie watcher:

Make yourself fugly. No one wants to be on the big screen and look awful, right? Well, if you do, The Academy will most likely consider you “brave” and nominate you for one thing or another. For example, look at Anne Hathaway’s choice this year. She could’ve opted for a different role, but she chose the shave-your-head-snot-dripping-crying role. I can’t get over her bravery.

Ew ew ew.

Ew ew ew.

Others that have won or been nominated for awards by making themselves gross are: John Hurt (The Elephant Man), Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler), Charlize Theron (Monster), Gabourey Sidibe (Precious).

Side note: I realize that Mr. Rourke and Ms. Sidibe already looked like that before their roles, but still. They’re on the list.

Go insane. Crazy characters are always fun to watch. There’s nothing better than a good old fashioned break-down. I believe that in order to play someone who goes off the deep end, you’ve had to have experience of it yourself. Just keep that in mind.

Examples of expert crazies: Vivien Leigh (A Streetcar Named Desire), Bette Davis (Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?), Ellen Burstyn (Requiem for a Dream), Natalie Portman (Black Swan).

Hey all girls! Whadda know?!

The old switcheroo. To show The Academy what an amazing skill set you have, try portraying the other sex. This should prove difficult even for the best of them. If you go through with it though, you’ll no doubt be awarded for your talent. I mean, even Gwyneth Paltrow won for dressing up as a guy in Shakespeare in Love. Is that really Oscar quality? No. But she dressed up as a boy so it’s fine.

So convincing.

So convincing.

Other examples of people that can play the opposite gender well are: Hillary Swank (Boys Don’t Cry), Dustin Hoffman (Tootsie), Jaye Davidson (The Crying Game).

Mental disability fall-back. This type of role is tried and true. It’s basically a guarantee that you will win an award for playing someone “special”. It’s also a guarantee that someone is going to comment on this post and tell me that I’m being offensive. I’m just being brave, okay?!

Examples of people that were itching for an Oscar: Billy Bob Thornton (Sling Blade), Dustin Hoffman (Rain Man), Tom Hanks (Forrest Gump), Sean Penn (I Am Sam).

Oh look, all men. This type of role seems to come easy to them.

Holocaust roles. Everyone knows how disturbing the Holocaust was, yet for some reason we like to keep reliving it by watching movies about it. For those of us who didn’t get a chance to actually be there, it’s a great way to see what really happened, right?

Examples of these challenging and brave roles: Roberto Benigni (Life is Beautiful) Liam Neeson (Schindler’s List), Adrien Brody (The Pianist).

If all else fails, try to morph into Daniel Day Lewis.

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