gif posts, Holidays

The Holidays

Whenever people are excited about Starbucks holiday cups:tumblr_m2a8le7R631qzkdyfo1_500

When people say “But it’s a holiday tradition!”:tumblr_mczlxdzgDv1qapf98o1_500

Everyone at the mall on Christmas Eve:tumblr_lznb290ZNv1r24ramo1_500

The day after my mom and brother went back home:tumblr_mbc15y46wX1qkv7zjo1_500

When this crazy drunk lady came up to our table at the pub and started putting her arm around me:tumblr_mcjf84sn1e1qjbq9uo1_500

Me, on Christmas day:tumblr_inline_mfb2id5wp41rnvwt1

Whenever someone asks me to help clean up:tumblr_mfazf2Fxs01qgwqw9o1_500

The day of the Mayan Apocalypse:tumblr_lyf5lqSTtt1qdhmcpo1_500

Me, remembering the chocolate bar I got for Christmas:tumblr_loqxgcGfMg1qljk39o1_500

Realizing I have lots of gift cards to spend:tumblr_mfcuokQJ8s1r3d8abo1_r2_500

After I’m done belting to Les Miserables in my car:tumblr_mexrh4lVFF1rvaz1to1_500

Realizing that I have to stay up to at least midnight on Monday night:tumblr_luiqt6BwNp1qd6k8fo1_500

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Holidays, School, Stores

My White Leather Gloves

I enjoyed the finer things in life when I was 19. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy the finer things, but they’re just out of reach now that I’m in Canada. I think it’s usual to want something new and beautiful for Christmas, and I had a very long list when I was 19.

I remember the day that my dad took me downtown into Chicago to go Christmas shopping. I wanted to pick out my gifts before I got them because that’s how I rolled back then. Now, of course, I realize that surprises and the unexpected gifts are the best ones but I digress.

After wandering up and down Michigan Avenue, we eventually ended up in the Coach store. I didn’t need a new purse so I don’t even know why I was in there. We were looking around when a pair of white leather gloves caught my eye. They were so soft and had three buttons going up each side. I asked my dad if I could have them for Christmas and he said yes.

Am I Mary Tyler Moore with that hat, or what?

Am I Mary Tyler Moore with that hat, or what?

As the employee rang us up, she asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I pretty much threw up in my mouth and walked out of the store after that. The only thing that made me feel better were those gloves. Driving gloves, as I liked to call them. But seriously, what 19 year old need driving gloves?

Christmas came and went and I loved my gloves. I used them through the long Chicago winter. I was going to a community college at the time, so I actually was doing a lot of driving back and forth.

One of my least favorite classes that semester was Speech. Our teacher was like, a hundred years old and made us speak super loud whenever we were performing. I hated that class, but my teacher loved me. Probably because I put really old fashioned cheesy jokes into all of my speeches. I knew how to cater to my audience.

After school one day, I got home and realized that I didn’t have my gloves. I knew that I put them under my seat in class and I must have forgotten about them. Since I went to a community college I pretty much assumed that I would never see my gloves ever again. How would I even drive comfortably after this?!

I went to the lost and found just to make sure there were truly no good people left in this world, and I was right. My gloves were gone. I didn’t have the heart to tell my dad that the gift he gave me was gone because I didn’t take care of it.

I always felt bad about that.

 

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Holidays

T-Give 2012

I wrote about Canadian Thanksgiving last year and I didn’t hold back on the insults. This year, I’m going to take some time to write about what I’m grateful for. Weird, I know. We can pretend that we’re sitting around the table saying what we’re thankful for except that it’s all about what I’m thankful for and you’re not really a part of it.

My family. They are the coolest. Most of you know mi madre. She’s pretty much WordPress famous. But not the kind of WordPress famous where you get Freshly Pressed. All the cool people haven’t been Freshly Pressed. It’s true! If you haven’t been Freshly Pressed, you must be pretty cool. And offensive. My brother is also cool. He’s a way better writer than I am. I don’t know why he doesn’t blog more. Or at all. And my dad is also, surprisingly, very cool. He does all the things. Each member of my family is located somewhere different, but we’re all still a perfect unit. I am pretty lucky that way.

Is it just me or is the black kid being segregated?

My husband. I still think it’s weird that I have a husband. It’s almost like I’m old or something. Without my husband I would be super sad. I tried being without him once after I met him and I didn’t like it one bit. He’s a hard worker and a kind fellow that takes care of me. It’s a big job, you know, taking care of me.

My friends. I really like my little groups of friends that I have all over the world. I am drawn to people that I don’t have to spend time with 24/7. I like being able to pick up right where I left off. My friends from Chicago were always so cool with me living in England and only seeing me during the holidays. I never felt pressure to stay anchored to one place.  I also like that my friends don’t take me too seriously and ignore me when I say dumb things and laugh at all of my jokes. I never wanted to have the most friends. I just wanted to have a few good ones.

Blogging. Blogging has opened up so much of the world to me. It’s weird because I never would’ve thought that writing could lead to friendships and learning and laughing. But I have so many people that can see who I truly am on here even when I say dumb things and offend everyone on the internet.

Diet Pepsi: You might be wondering why this is on my list. Diet Pepsi has been a part of my life since I can remember. Actually, I think my dad put some in my bottle once. So technically, it’ss been a part of my life since I can’t remember.

Laughing. Laughing and making people laugh are two of my favorite things ever. You can’t buy laughter. You can fake it, but true, genuine laughter is euphoric. I love being able to make any situation, no matter how serious or painful, funny. It’s a gift, really.

What are you thankful for this year?

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Holidays

My Favorite Halloween Moments

Welp, it’s Halloween which means that my birthday month is coming to a close. The presidential debates did a great job of taking the attention off of me and ruining my 25th birthday month. I’d like to close this October with a holiday-themed post. The following are my favorite Halloween moments from movies and TV. And by movies, I mean movie because I only named one.

The Hilarity of a Clever Costume: On How I Met Your Mother, the main character, Ted, dresses up as a hanging chad for a Halloween party. When I first saw this episode I thought, “Wow this is show is so funny!” And it was…for the first couple episodes. Then it was just the same thing over and over. How many times can someone laugh at Neil Patrick Harris saying “Legen–wait for it–dary!” I mean, come on. But yeah, the hanging chad costume made it all worth it.

* In case you don’t know what a hanging chad is, it’s the term for a voting ballot that hasn’t been punched out all the way. People used to punch a hole in paper to signify who their vote went to. I know, archaic. Al Gore kind of started the whole hanging chad thing right around the time that he invented the internet.

Realizing It’s Mandatory to Dress like a Skank: In Mean Girls, Cady learns the hard way when she shows up at a Halloween party in a costume that’s actually somewhat scary. I’ve never been a total fan of slutty costumes, although I’m sure if I had a super hot bod I would. I mean, if you got it, flaunt it! What I’m saying is that I can understand why it’s fun for girls to dress that way. It’s fun and exciting and you get tons of attention. Nothing’s better than that, right?!….

Home-Made Costumes That You Can’t Move In: Sue Heck from The Middle is one of the saddest characters that I’ve ever seen portrayed on a show. And I don’t mean that she’s emotionally sad, in fact Sue is genuinely a happy person. She’s just one of those people that you feel bad for. When Halloween rolls around, Sue decides to go as a single die. Unfortunately when she arrives at a party she is bumped into, overlooked, and used as a tabletop to hold her peer’s drinks.

The Fun of Dressing Up with Your Friends and Trick-or-Treating: This is really what Halloween is all about. The boys in Freaks and Geeks are some of my favorite characters ever. There is honestly nothing better than rocking an awesome costume and going out with your friends. Even if one of your friends dresses as The Bionic Woman.

 

 

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Holidays

Columbus Day? No Way!

Growing up, I loved long weekends. I think most kids (and adults) do. Any reason to get off school was a good reason to me. “Oh the President was shot? Do I have to go to school?” “We’re going to war? That means I can stay home, right?

It wasn’t until my 4th year of college that I realized the school systems had been lying to us about one of our national holidays, Columbus Day. The only thing that we were taught as kids was that Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America in 1492. That’s basically the reason for the holiday–that he discovered America. We owe our existence to him. This is a lie. Here are some snip-its from an essay that I wrote about the situation at hand:

The horrifying reality of Christopher Columbus’ legacy is rarely focused on in present day America. Americans celebrate Columbus Day with holidays, parades, erecting statues, etc, as they blindly commemorate a man who committed genocide on indigenous tribes of North America. Not only did Columbus not discover America, he also abused, tortured, raped, and killed the Lucayan, Taino, and Arawak tribes. Perhaps the most disturbing piece of information about Columbus’ destruction is that he recalled the native people as “handsome, smart and kind people…they offered to share with anyone and when you ask for something, they never say no[2]”.

Currently, 80% of American high school text books characterize Columbus in a positive light (e.g. described as a brave explorer, positive influence on America), while only 20% shed light on the capture of the native people and their eventual displacement into slave trade. Movements such as AIM*, The Transform Columbus Day Alliance, and many Indian Resistance groups in South America are spreading the truth about Columbus and his legacy. These movements aim to destroy all beliefs that Columbus rightly discovered America and civilized a people with the “superiority of European values and institutions[3]”.

*The American Indian Movement, commonly referred to as AIM, has been one of the few leaders of a campaign discouraging the celebration of the national United States holiday. AIM activists argue that “Indian people remain at the bottom of every socioeconomic indicator…under continuing physical attack, and afforded the least access to economic, political, or legal redress[1]”.

It’s easy to turn a blind eye to this information. It almost seems un-American to acknowledge it. The truth is that Columbus helped perpetuate and form the beginning of slave trade and genocide of indigenous peoples. Would we honor him is he was alive today? Definitely not.

Columbus’ priest that he brought with him, Bartolome De Las Casas, wrote this in his diary after he had witnessed what Columbus and his men had done: “Such inhumanities and barbarisms were committed in my sight as no age can parallel…my eyes have seen these acts so foreign to human nature that now I tremble as I write[4]”.


[1] Morris, G.and R. Means, “Why AIM opposes Columbus Day and Columbus Day Parades.

[2] Kasum, E. (2010) “Columbus Day? True Legacy: Cruelty and Slavery”.

[3] Morris, G. and R. Means, “Why AIM opposes Columbus Day and Columbus Day Parades.


[4] Kasum, E. (2010) “Columbus Day? True Legacy: Cruelty and Slavery”

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Holidays

October

Welp, it’s here. My birthday month. I’m aware that everyone thinks their own birthday month is the best, and that’s cute. But they’re wrong. Except for people born in October. They know what’s up.

The thing I don’t like about October though, is that other things occur during the month that have nothing to do with my birth. This makes it hard to appreciate “The Perfect Month” as I’ve deemed it. One of the reason I refer to it as “the perfect month” is because it’s not too long after summer and not too far away from Christmas. It’s right in the middle of loveliness.

How I feel once it’s October.

One occasion that I’ve had to share with my birthday month is Halloween. This holiday has haunted me (get it?!) since I was born. The idea of me having to share my birth month with a holiday where I’m required to dress in costume is just way too much for me to handle. I mean, it could be worse. I could have a December birthday. All you December babies got gypped! Halloween is fun and everything, but there’s always so much hype and so little pay-off. Also, my birthday month is associated with the color orange which is just cruel and unfair.

Another recent thing that has taken over the entirety of my birthday month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Honestly, why can’t everyone just be aware of my birthday? Lily’s Birthday Awareness Month. I’m all for people being aware of breast cancer, but can’t we just figure out that it’s around instead of dedicating a whole month to it and ruining the color pink for everyone? I’m not trying to offend anyone with breast cancer or anyone that knows someone who died of breast cancer (because I know that’s what everyone thinks and everyone likes to get mad at me, yeah yeah yeah) I just don’t understand why we need a month for it. Same with Black History Month. Can’t we as a society acknowledge that black men and women are a strong part of our history as a nation? Are we supposed to forget about their history after February? Are we supposed to ignore breast cancer after October? Why do we have awareness months at all? Can’t we all just be freely aware? DON’T FORCE ME TO BE AWARE, WORLD.

After moving to Canada I’ve also had to share fake Thanksgiving with my birthday month. Canadian Thanksgiving is in early October which is dangerously close to the date of my birth. In fact, this year it’s a mere 3 days after my big day. Way too close for comfort. How about Canada just realizes that the only thing they need to be thankful for is me living in their country and dedicate this holiday to moi? Just throwing ideas around.

This October, instead of worrying about other traditions and holidays, I ask you to think about my birthday and how great I am. It’s been a quarter of a century since I’ve been on this earth and I think I deserve some respect.

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canada, Holidays, living in canada, victoria b.c.

Canada Day!

I just wrote an immensely awesome post about Canada Day and WordPress somehow erased it. Usually WP is really great about auto-saving, but this time they failed. Instead of writing about Canada Day, I’m going to write about how WordPress owes me big time. They can pay me back in Freshly Pressing all of my posts from here on out.  Jk I’ll write about Canada Day. But I’m not jk-ing about being Freshly Pressed.

While all of you are being distracted by the recent American tragedies (the death of TomKat and Adele’s pregnancy announcement), the Canadians are celebrating. Celebrating what?, you might ask. That’s a good question. You should Google it. Any time you ask a question you should Google it. Asking questions is SO 90’s.

Canada Day is basically Canada’s Independence Day. Like their 4th of July, but except it’s on the 1st of July and full of Canadian pride. On this day in 1867, the British North America Act (aka the Constitution Act) was signed, uniting 3 colonies into a single country called The Dominion of Canada. This is great and all, but they were still under British rule in a way. Like, if they wanted to pass a law or anything, they had to go through Parliament. Cray cray, right?! In 1982 (aka 30 years ago aka lol) the Canada Act was passed which made Canada a distinguished, sovereign land. No more “Dominion of”, just plain old Canada. Yipee!

This was my first time ever celebrating Canada Day. I didn’t want to admit to myself what a great time I was having. I was part of a human flag! Do you know what that is? It’s pretty self explanatory, but I imagine all of my readers to be complete idiots. Here’s a picture of what I was a part of.

Isn’t that cool? Aren’t you jealous? I was in the Maple Leaf part of the flag. That’s the best part. Who wants to be the boring old white part? Or the red stripes on the side? The Canadian flag is a pretty lazy design when you think of it. Obviously not as lazy as say, the Japanese flag, but you catch my drift.

After that we meandered down to the food pavilion. Mainly because I kept talking about how hungry I was. There were a series of food tents of all different ethnic delicacies. Of course Paul and I opted for the Jewish Community Center’s stand. We each got a huge kosher hot dog. We were eying the blintzes, but we didn’t want to be complete fatties, so we walked away. Quietly sobbing to ourselves.

Later on we had a BBQ and played with our friend’s kids and dog. I’m forever entertained by dogs. They never get old. Well, technically they DO get old, but you know what I mean.

Speaking of things that don’t get old–the fireworks at night were awesome. How are fireworks so cool? It’s literally fire being shot into the sky. We see them at least once a year, yet they are always awesome. They were displayed over the harbor and everyone around us was drunk and singing O Canada. It was a night to remember for sure.

Thanks, Canada. Here’s to many more Canada Days to come!

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Feelings, Holidays, Vacation

Childhood Lost

A couple days ago I asked Paul if he was going to see Disney Pixar’s Brave with me. He replied, “Ughh no. That’s for kids.” Yes. Kids and 24 year old girls named Lily. Childhood goes by so quickly and all the fun stuff you do when you’re young is frowned upon when you’re older. Why is that? Why can’t childhood last forever? Why do we have to grow up and clean things and pay taxes and pretend to care about politics and the earth and other people? Childhood was such a selfish time. Maybe that’s why I miss it.

I remember my first taste of people making me feel bad for unleashing my inner child was during my first year of college in Utah. It was October and my friends and I wanted to go trick or treating. So we did. We got a lot of weird looks from parents and children that we passed on the street. I distinctly remembering a woman asking us, “Aren’t you a little old to be trick or treating?” We said uhhh no? She then said, “Are you going to go sit on Santa’s lap too?” You know what lady? WHAT IF I AM? Just because you’re an old skank, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the holidays!

I take the kids I babysit to McDonald’s more than the average person should eat there. It’s turning into Supersize Me. Which I’m totes okay with. Every so often I have to help one of them get into the Play Place. It’s usually the youngest who can’t reach the top step or something like that. I’ll look around the room, trying to suppress my desire to climb to the top and go down the slide over and over. I would no doubt be king of the castle and everyone else would be my dirty rascals. I’ve given into temptation a couple of times. Some of the parents smile and some look the other way. Yeah, they better look the other way or else they’re gonna get a milkshake straight to the face.

I also experience the same hate/jealousy around vacation time. My family has been going to Disney World since I was a wee lass. I remember in high school and college people would ask me where I was going for Spring Break. I wouldn’t say Miami or Cabo or LA. I would tell them I was going to Disney World. I could tell they thought I was lame, but you know what? There are probably more adults visiting Disney World than kids. And maybe I enjoy getting an autograph from my favorite Disney characters every so often. And seeing fireworks every night. And walking down Main Street USA. Whatevs.

Paul and I had Netflix for a bit. It was okay but the selection of movies wasn’t superb. One day while Paul was at work, I was checking out Netflix and I saw that they had episodes of Rugrats available! Without batting an eye I ordered one episode and re-lived a bit of my childhood. When Paul came home from work he said, “I know what you’ve been doing.” I looked at him like he was a psycho. Then he said “How was Rugrats?” How did he know?!?! I guess Netflix had sent him an email that said, “Hope you enjoyed your viewing of Rugrats!” We canceled our Netflix subscription after that.

People are always going to judge you when you do things to make yourself happy. Don’t listen to them! Like philosopher/songstress Natasha Bedingfield said, Release your inhibitions! If you want to reminisce and feel like a kid again, you should. I got fro-yo two nights ago and covered it in rainbow sprinkles like I was 5 years old because I don’t care what anyone thinks. Be happy, have fun, be yourself.

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Feelings, Holidays

4/20

For some reason the date April 20th is National Pot Smokers Day. Who decided this? Why do pot smokers need their own day? They get to relax all the time! Seems unfair.

I never smoked pot. I tried to smoke cigarettes but I couldn’t really figure out the whole breathing smoke into my lungs thing. How are people so good at harming their bodies?! I feel like I should have been given this gift, but alas, I have not. So I didn’t even try smoking pot because apparently it makes you cough even if your doing it right.

I went on a run last night (I know) and I could smell someone smoking weed around me. The only two people I was approaching were this older, well to do couple. It had to be them. Unless one of them likes Eau de Cannabis, I’m pretty sure they were tokin’ like a pair of teenagers. During this part in my run, I was getting pretty exhausted (5 minutes in) and I had to cough, but I didn’t want them to think that I was coughing because they reeked of pot and that was a way of me telling them that they’re gross. So I held in my cough until they were far enough behind me that I felt safe. Should there be an age limit on pot smokers? I feel like once you reach 40, it’s seems kind of desperate. Like, grow up dude. Although I’m 24 and I still say dude.

I guess you could say that people in my high school were into weed. And by into weed I mean they dressed in patchwork clothes and talked about jam bands. Those kinds of people. But I loved them. They were always super nice and appreciated my sense of humor. Although I think they appreciated any attempt at humor.

Always havin' a good time.

My friend went to Hawaii a couple of years ago and she traveled for hours to go see some natural wonder that I’ve forgotten the name of. While she and her family were deep in the Hawaiian jungles (does Hawaii have jungles?) they saw Woody Harrelson smoking a doobie. He saw them and literally ran away. That’s how I remember the story being told. I feel like a lot of celebrities do this. Remember when Miley Cyrus was caught smoking pot and her publicists made up a drug that “definitely wasn’t marijuana.” So Miley just happens to be the only one into salvia right? And salvia has all of the same effects that pot does except that it’s not illegal? Look, my spell check doesn’t even recognize the word salvia. I don’t know what kind of fast one her publicists think they pulled, but they weren’t fooling anyone. Miley should have taken the Woody Harrelson approach and booked it outta there.

I feel like I’m on the island of misfit tokers over here. Everyone does it. The oldies, the young ones, and everyone in between. Why is it so prominent here? Are they better at growing it? Someone please give me answers!

Why are people like Bob Marley and Willie Nelson considered pot smoking gods? Both of these men severely freak me out. Not Bob as much as that inbred Willie. Celebrities are definitely into the ganja. It’s probably so easy for them to obtain. Michelle Phillips from The Mamas and the Papas said in 2001 “Marijuana should definitely be legalized. I think we should let everyone smoke it without fear of being thrown in jail. It’s the greatest drug in the world!” Oh Michelle you messed up creep. Anyone that was married to John Phillips, destroyer of Mackenzie Phillips’ life is not someone I would take advice from.

Barf.

So whats the consensus? Weed–good or bad? How are you going to celebrate 4/20? I’m going to celebrate by watching Finding Nemo on mute and listening to Dark Side of the Moon. And surrounding myself in tie dye. So trippy.

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