Les Miserables Moments That My Mind Can’t Erase

When I really look forward to a movie, I’ll build it up in my mind, imagining a perfect show. Les Miserables gave me great expectations. With an all-star cast, great songs, and Anne Hathaway in tears, how could this movie not be amazing? And for the most part, it was really good. There were just a few things that my mind had trouble getting past. I concentrated so much on these minor movie details that these are now my only memories of the film.

Eponine’s Waist. An important character in the story is Eponine, a girl in love with a guy who doesn’t really notice her. She sings one of the best songs in the entire movie, so props to her. The thing is, I don’t even know what her face looked like because I couldn’t see anything past her belted mannequin-esque wasit. It’s not even that she looked unhealthy, it’s just that her waist is abnormally tiny. She should’ve composed a song about her body structure rather than her crush.

Can we have a moment of silence for this waist?

Cockney Accents. Okay, I know that the film is spoken (or sang) in English and most of the characters have British accents because we’re used to it. They do this with most period pieces even if they don’t take place in England. But some of the characters in the film tried to do a French accent (snaps for Sacha Baron Cohen!) and it’s confusing because most of the characters had proper British and even cockney accents! I don’t remember any Cockneys in early 19th century Paris. If all of the actors in the movie are as great as we accredit them to be, then shouldn’t they be able to do a French accent as well as sing?

Helena Bonham Carter is Type-Cast as Dirty. At this point, I cannot name a movie where Helena Bonham Carter isn’t unkempt in one way or another. Even on the red carpet it looks like she might have yesterday’s makeup on or something. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of HBC and I think she has mad skills. I have to applaud her for her recent love of singing what with Sweeney Todd and now Les Mis. But I wish she would class up her act and stop being so grungy.

Look how clean she used to be in her Lady Jane days.

Amanda Seyfried has the Voice of an Angel. I actually don’t care for Amanda Seyfried that much–I don’t care for any actress that takes off their clothes for a role. I mean, to each his own, but seriously, just no. I hate most actresses, is what I’m trying to say. Anyway, in the movie, Ms. Seyfried’s character Cosette not only gets to marry the hottie Marius (Eddie Redmayne), but she also has a voice that makes me hate her. If I could sing like that I would sing lullabies to myself. Although in high school, my choir teacher gave me a trophy and said I had the voice of an angel. I was an angel who couldn’t read sheet music and had to listen to the other people singing around me and copy them. So angelic.

Russel Crowe = Snoozefest. I forgot how boring the part of Javert could be before I saw Russel Crowe act it out on the big screen. Javert is the antagonist to Jean Valjean’s (Hugh Jackman) protagonist. Javert just wants to serve the law and make sure everyone is punished for their crimes. He manages to sing about this over and over and it’s like, DUDE WE GET IT. Another thing that bugged me were the locations that he chose to vocalize his thoughts. He would randomly sing on the top of buildings,  the ledges of bridges, and in alleyways. Figure your life out, Javert.

In my head, this is the entire movie/musical summed up. I urge you to see the movie and test yourself to look past these details. Lets compare notes–which were your most memorable scenes/characters/events?

The Grey Cup

He's going to give me nightmares.

For the last couple of days I’ve heard talk about the Grey Cup. I figured it was some kind of hardcore Grey’s Anatomy marathon and chose to ignore it. I read one of Paul’s incoming texts (not because I’m intrusive, he asked me to because I’m so trustworthy…and he couldn’t reach his phone) and it mentioned the Grey Cup. I told Paul it was something about Grey’s Anatomy and he gave me the do-you-have-downsyndrome-and-didn’t-tell-me look.

The Grey Cup is the Canadian Football league’s final game of the season–kind of like the Super Bowl. But instead of a bowl, it is rightly referred to as a cup. This year the Grey Cup (or the Gay Cup as I like to call it) involves the BC Lions and the Winnipeg Bluebombers. That’s right, Bluebombers. Other team names that I love are the Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Edmonton Eskimos. Heh.

Montreal’s team is called the Alouettes. Seriously though wtf. I did some research–you know that song, Alouette, pronounced “Al-u-etta”? Well, I guess its about plucking feathers from a lark. So their team name refers to a person informing a lark that someone is going to pluck it’s head, nose, eyes, wings, and tail. UMMMMMMMMMMM And their mascot is a bird. So I’m not making this up. I just thought of a perfect team phrase: “We’re gonna pluck you up.” You can thank me later, Montreal. Actually no, thank me now.

So that’s Canadian football. I don’t even like football to be honest. It’s the longest game of all time. And there are so many stops and starts and so much going on. I get confused. So I’ve stopped pretending I’m interested.

Final note: the CFL’s (Canadian Football League) slogan is ” This is OUR league.” It sure is, Canada. It sure is.

Parlez-vous anglais?

This goes against everything that I know to be true.

After graduating I wanted to set unrealistic goals for myself to accomplish in my spare time. Some of those included: getting a job (pshhahaha), learning to play the piano, learning french, etc. Coming to Canada kind of opened the bi-lingual door for me. Before I came to Victoria, I downloaded a French language app for my iPad in hopes that I could quickly brush up on the basics. Overall it was pretty unsuccessful since I am a video game pro and just figured out how to cheat my way through the levels.

Now keep in mind, I haven’t met any French speakers (besides my husband’s cousin who is 14 and is pretty much fluent because he goes to a school where they speak French all day. Yes, that’s a real thing. And yes, I’m super jeal). But every type of packaging has the English on one side and the French on the other side. Sometimes in the grocery store they put the items on the shelf with the French side facing out. What kind of a sick joke is that?!?!

Personally, I think French is a beautiful language. I could only dream of being bi-lingual. I just get so confused when inanimate objects are masculine or feminine. How do you keep that straight? Like, oh yeah that table is a girl but the chair is a boy. WHAT? Who decided that?

Also, it kind of freaks me out that Montreal is like, super Frenchy. Like, to the point where I don’t feel welcome there. I am trying to get accustomed to the whole French thing, but I can’t help to get a little panic stricken when I see Capitaine Crounche instead of Captain Crunch.