Exercise

Ski Bunniez

Sunburn. Another downside.

I went to school in Utah for about a year and a half. While I was there I took skiing as one of my classes. I wish someone had warned me about how scary standing on two planks on a hill of snow can be, but no one did.

Surprisingly, Illinois has very poor skiing so I didn’t have any prior experience. My friend who liked skiing decided to take the class with me since it was “all levels”. They didn’t have a level for how awful I was. But it turned out to be okay because I got one-on-one practice with a coach who was really nice.

By the end of the semester I was decent at the sport. By no means was I (or am I) ready for black diamonds. I do actually have fun when I go skiing though. I’ve always wanted to go on a ski vacation, rent a big lodge-type ski chateau, drink hot chocolate, and relax in a hot tub after a long day of skiing.

Ever since I learned how to ski, I loved being able to hate snowboarders. If you don’t know how to ski or snowboard you really can’t say anything. Just having permission to hate a group of people is good enough for me. Skiing is worth it for this reason alone.

Every time I go skiing, I say a little prayer because I am terrified of breaking something. I have heard so many horror stories of people breaking bones when they ski. Luckily nothing has ever happened to me. Although I did do a full flip the first time I tried skiing on fresh powder. I got really pissed at my coach for that. I was the one that did the flip, but clearly it was her fault. Bitch.

Things that terrify me about skiing:

1. Moguls. How do people do them? Who’s thought process was, “Hey, lets pack snow into little mounds and then ski on top of them!” Ugh hate that person.

2. Free Skiing. Just skiing down a mountain where paths haven’t been made, risking your life. Sonny Bono style.

3. Cross Country skiing. I heard it’s like running a marathon. This would be an instance when I would find a way to injure myself.

4. Really long skinny skis. Whenever I get fitted for skis, I demand shorter, squared off ones so I have less risk of dying. My life is a joke.

5. Crashing into another skier. Some people come barreling down the mountain at top speed. These people scare me so much. I usually just mind my own business off to the side, but every so often, people have to come inches away from me. Sorry, but this isn’t competitive downhill skiing–this is a trail called Pinecone, get out of my way.

6. People who take skiing super seriously. Groan.

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Exercise

Row Your Boat

Let’s be real, rowing is hot. I imagine every east coast prepster is into rowing. It’s so respectable. Who would have thought that Canadians are really good at rowing? No one, that’s who.

Canada has won many Olympic medals in rowing. In fact, in 2008, the Canadian male rowing team placed first. And guess what? Their national rowing center is here in Victoria! It’s located on Elk Lake, which doesn’t sound very preppy or east coast-y, but I’ll take what I can get at this point.

Canadian high schools are weird. They don’t have football teams or indoor pools, yet they have rowing teams. Jealous! Let’s revisit one of my favorite scenes from “The Social Network” –don’t worry, Jesse Eisenberg and his gross voice are not a part of it.

So now that everyone is turned on, let’s all get into rowing, shall we? I think I’ll be spending a lot more time at Elk Lake.

 

 

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Exercise, Hockey

Sledge Hockey

He's doing a good job of pretending he likes being attached to a sled.

If you live in Canada, you have no excuse not to play hockey. Even if you don’t have legs, this country will find a way for you to play hockey. I present to you, sledge hockey.

I saw a commercial ( Have you noticed that the only way I find out info is from TV? I’M SO EMBARRASSED! Not.) with people playing sledge hockey. At first I laughed, because that’s what I do when I see something weird or different. I immediately make fun of it. But then I realized that these people are handicapped and just trying to have some fun. They’re probably having more fun than I am sitting in front of the TV.

I think sledge hockey has different rules than regular hockey. I would look them up and tell you the differences, but that means I would have to look up the generic rules to hockey just to understand the sledge hockey rules. And I refuse to do that.  So just trust me when I say they’re different.

Interesting fact: in the United States, we refer to it as sled hockey. This makes more sense because the players are on little sleds. It snowed while I was in Canterbury, England (England shuts down when it snows. People literally do not know how to function. It’s bordering on retarded behavior.) and I remember that everyone wanted to go “sledging.” My response was always, “Whaaa?” “Come again?” or the ever-popular “Ew.”

So now I’m totally buggin. If cappers (handicapped people) can play hockey, then I seriously need to get into some sort of sport. I feel like I don’t have many options besides running in circles. Team sports terrify me. I hate the idea that others are depending on me. Any ideas would be appreciated. Any bad ideas earn you a virtual kick to the groin.

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Exercise, French, Judging

The Grey Cup

He's going to give me nightmares.

For the last couple of days I’ve heard talk about the Grey Cup. I figured it was some kind of hardcore Grey’s Anatomy marathon and chose to ignore it. I read one of Paul’s incoming texts (not because I’m intrusive, he asked me to because I’m so trustworthy…and he couldn’t reach his phone) and it mentioned the Grey Cup. I told Paul it was something about Grey’s Anatomy and he gave me the do-you-have-downsyndrome-and-didn’t-tell-me look.

The Grey Cup is the Canadian Football league’s final game of the season–kind of like the Super Bowl. But instead of a bowl, it is rightly referred to as a cup. This year the Grey Cup (or the Gay Cup as I like to call it) involves the BC Lions and the Winnipeg Bluebombers. That’s right, Bluebombers. Other team names that I love are the Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Edmonton Eskimos. Heh.

Montreal’s team is called the Alouettes. Seriously though wtf. I did some research–you know that song, Alouette, pronounced “Al-u-etta”? Well, I guess its about plucking feathers from a lark. So their team name refers to a person informing a lark that someone is going to pluck it’s head, nose, eyes, wings, and tail. UMMMMMMMMMMM And their mascot is a bird. So I’m not making this up. I just thought of a perfect team phrase: “We’re gonna pluck you up.” You can thank me later, Montreal. Actually no, thank me now.

So that’s Canadian football. I don’t even like football to be honest. It’s the longest game of all time. And there are so many stops and starts and so much going on. I get confused. So I’ve stopped pretending I’m interested.

Final note: the CFL’s (Canadian Football League) slogan is ” This is OUR league.” It sure is, Canada. It sure is.

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Driving, Exercise

Fifa Street references Vancouver

My first true love. With an 8-pack.

I was browsing through various news stories the other day and something caught my eye: “Fifa Street references Vancouver.” Immediately I thought that this must be something special since it was in the news. Maybe this was the first time that Canada has ever been cool enough to be in a video game that didn’t include fur trapping.

Unfortunately, the article mostly dealt with the fact that there were no female avatars in the game. Apparently it’s because

the added cost to shape [women’s] bodies and model movement and clothing is costly and didn’t provide enough return on investment.

This would probably upset a lot of female rights activists, lesbians, or just annoying women. But I couldn’t care less. I’m what you would call an anti-feminist. I think women shouldn’t have to make a living outside of the household. And I definitely do not agree with that “anything you can do, I can do better” mentality. That’s probably the farthest thing from the truth. Unless you have some sort of disability. Because if that’s the case, I will totally destroy you.

I think we all know the real reason why the bros at EA Sports haven’t made female players–girls are bad at sports. No guy would pick the girl player. Most girls don’t even pick the girl player. For example, when I play Crazy Taxi, I always pick Axel. The game includes one girl character and I don’t think anyone has ever used her. Why? Because the objective is to drive fast and not get into accidents. Axel will always deliver. Plus, he has green hair.

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Exercise

Lumberjack Competition

What a manly sport.

I wish that I was making this up. Yesterday I was on my computer while Paul was looking at the different sports that were on  TV. I looked up from all of the super important stuff that I was doing and I glanced at the screen. I read Football, Soccer, Rugby, Soccer, Lumberjack Competition, Soccer. What. What. What is that.

We turned it on for a bit. Its basically Canadians, Australians and Kiwis putting nicks in wooden poles, inserting a plank into the groove they created, standing on the inserted plank, and repeating the process. As J’amie King would say, “It’s so random!” If you don’t know who that is, I suggest you watch Summer Heights High RIGHT NOW.

Ahhh this one has some quality background music.

I think Lumberjack Competitions are my new favorite “sport” to watch. It’s kind of like a Strong Man Competition without people named Magnus ver Magnusson. But it’s also kind of like that Ninja Warrior show because the competitors really have to possess a set of sweet skills. By the way, if you’ve never watched a Strong Man Competition or Ninja Warrior, what are you doing with your life?

In conclusion, the Lumberjack Competitish is a smart idea. I think it’s a great way to celebrate Canada’s roots and heritage. They should be proud of the one skill that they have been blessed with. As for the Australians and Kiwis–You’re better than that.

 

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canada, Exercise

Marathoning Part Deux

Fauja, just chillin after running for 8 and a half hours.

Toronto recently held their Goodlife Fitness Marathon on October 16th. What makes this race interesting (and sickening) is that Fauja Singh, a 100 year old man ran the race and finished.

Apparently the race took him 8 hours, 22 minutes, and 16 seconds to finish (which is a really awful time) so I guess that makes it more believable. But still, aren’t people bed-ridden after they hit 97? Not sure what the cut-off age is, but I’m almost positive it’s before 100.

Mr. Singh, as I like to call him, came in 3,850th place. He beat 5 people. Who are the 5 people that he beat and why were they allowed to race? I thought you actually had to be a decent runner to qualify for marathons. This gives me hope.

Mr. Singh described his feeling of finishing the race like “getting married again”. Ummm what? I don’t believe running a marathon has EVER been described like that. But if that’s how you feel…we’ll just nod our heads and smile.

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Exercise, Judging

Marathoning

Last weekend Victoria held a marathon along the ocean and throughout the city. About 3 years ago I got into a “running kick”, if you will, and I would run for about an hour everyday. I got really slim and super buff but quit that lifestyle shortly after I moved to Canterbury and stopped caring.

People who run marathons kind of make me uneasy. Only because they are like animals. Actually, no. I take that back. No self-respecting animal would run 26.2 miles for fun.

When the race started to wind down, Paul and I decided go on a walk to the water. We saw some stragglers who had just given up on not only the race, but on life. Most of them had stopped running and there were a select few that were hunched over as if they were trekking through the Mojave.

Paul took pleasure in the fact that the people who were in last place (and the people who shouldn’t have been there in general) were dressed in the most expensive and elite running gear. Like, really? Did you need to buy all of that for your first (and worst) race ever? It just shows you that buying the gear doesn’t make you a better athlete. It just makes me smile even more when you are in last place. Only because I know you tried so hard and failed so brutally.

I can relate though…I like buying the gear, but I don’t actually go through with the working out part. That’s what separates me from the rest.

Just me modeling some hiking gear.

Also, our favorite racer, was a woman who was talking on her cell phone and trying to speed walk at the same time. “Oh hey! No, I’m not busy! I’m just running a marathon!”

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Exercise, Surroundings

Embracing the Lifestyle

Before my husband Paul and I left on our road trip from Illinois to Victoria, B.C. (if you don’t know where that is, its right above Seattle–longest road trip of all time? RESPECT) I decided to pack my whole wardrobe, as per usual. I like to think of myself as a stylish gal. Even if I am just wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I need ALL of my jeans and t-shirts just so I have variety. Needless to say, the car was full of my clothes–in suitcases, on the floor, in garbage bags. It wasn’t pretty.

Once we got settled in and actually left our apartment, I started to take notice of my fellow Victorians. I would consider myself somewhat of an expert people-watcher, or people-judger if we’re getting technical. So I started to realize that no one dresses to impress, they dress to workout. Literally everyone on the main road by my apartment was either running, power-walking, walking their dogs, riding bikes, or carrying a yoga mat. I mean, I like to workout and I understand taking advantage of nice weather, but this was a little creepy. But I was also intrigued and slightly jealous that all of these people have motivation to work out every day.

I have wandered through the city and noticed that there are a lot of trendy (and expensive!) athletic gear stores.  People here worship their yoga pants. It seems like there is little to no effort in looking presentable for Victorians and Vancouverites. I mean you can be fashionable while you workout (besides being super sweaty, having a tomato face and not being able to breathe).  I still kind  of have a bizarre attachment to working out with wii fit. Especially when it says “Hmm that exercise wasn’t really your forte” :/ Although, its easy to understand why people workout or are just outside all of the time here. The temperature is pretty mild–its never too hot or too cold. You also get the mountains and the ocean, and a little bit of city and the suburbs. Its a fine balance. But that’s all besides the point. There are way too many fashion crimes to count here. The other day Paul and I were walking down the street and a woman was walking her dog with curlers in her hair. I mean, she could have forgotten that they were in. She also could have no one to impress. But I’m sure she knew they were in after she saw the look on my face.

To further prove that I am not the only one who has noticed the severity of this epidemic (I think it’s fair to call it that), Paul pointed me in the direction of this article.

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