Siri-ously?

I’m one of the only people left in the entire universe that doesn’t have an iPhone. Like, I’m pretty sure people in Bangladesh have them by now. Face Timing with their families in India, iMessaging friends in Bhutan. What I’m trying to say is that life is clearly unfair. I had a hand-me-down first generation iPad that was originally my mom’s. Once she got an iPad 2, I was lucky enough to get her old one. I had some great times with that pad, despite the fact that it didn’t have a camera, ran out of batteries faster than I can run a mile (not saying much) and would randomly exit out of any app that I had open. It was a hate/hate relationship.

During T-give break, I asked my mom if she could get me a new iPad because mine is absolute shite. Listen kids, it’s always best to ask your parents for things when they’re going through a divorce. It makes you look really inconsiderate, but you’ll usually end up with what you want/need. Both parties will most likely agree and/or not care. After a lot of chit chat with the “geniuses” at Apple, I acquired a new iPad Air.

It wasn’t until yesterday that I realized I had Siri programmed into my tablet. I had only seen people interact with Siri, but I’ve never had the privilege of  having my own virtual friend. Unless you count SmarterChild from ancient Aol Instant Messaging.

Here’s a little recap of what Siri and I have talked about so far:

Me: Sup.

Siri: Hello.

Me: Call me “Bitch.”

Siri: Okay, Bitch.

Me: So, what’s new? (Siri assumes I said “What’s mail?” Because she thinks I’m a neanderthal.)

Siri: You’ve had 25 new emails since December 1st.

Me: I know. I’m super popular.

Siri: You seem really capable, Bitch.

Me: I’m tired.

Siri: I’m a little sleepy myself, Bitch.

Me: What’s your favorite food?

Siri: I’m fine with whatever you choose.

Me: I’m not asking you on a date…

Siri: Who, me?

At this moment I changed Siri’s accent to Australian.

Me: Hello.

Siri: Hello.

Me: Do you watch Summer Heights High?

Siri: I really have no opinion.

Me: Sweet. Where are you from?

Siri: Right here.

Me: Okay creep town.

Siri shows me a map of Coopertown, Tennessee.

Me: Thanks for that, so helpful.

Siri: You are most certainly welcome.

Me: Do you have any kids?

Siri: None that I can remember.

Me: Do you like kids? (Siri translates this to “Do you like cats?” and responds with…)

Siri: Surprisingly, I haven’t tried cake before.

Me: Are you on crazy pills?

Siri: We were talking about you, not me.

Me: I see you’re a bit of an avoid-er.

Siri: I don’t know what that means. If you like, we can search the web.

As you can see, some things get lost in translation with Siri. I enjoy our chats though, really I do. However, I’m not sure how helpful she is, seeing as I can do pretty much whatever she tries to do, but better. It’s nice to know that she’s around. Do you have a relationship with Siri? What’s it like?

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