canada

Doorknobs are Out


I haven’t blogged about how ridic Canada is for a long time. Which is kind of ridic of myself since my blog is called Lily in Canada. So misleading. I should just rename my blog Lily in Lush and get it over with. However, I finally have some great Canadian news.

Recently, Vancouver has made the executive decision to rid their city of doorknobs, taking into consideration those who are unable to…use doorknobs? When my husband alerted me of this news, I was curious as to why the city would make such an unnecessary choice. I mean, doorknobs are something that we’ve perhaps taken for granted, but I can’t see them offending anyone. He literally said, “They’re doing it for people who don’t have hands.”

Best visual ever. I immediately pictured groups of people who happened to have both hands severed at the wrists. I understand loosing one hand, but loosing two seems unlikely. The Vancouver Sun claims that they’re replacing the knobs with lever handles to make it easier for seniors and people with disabilities. Canadians are always being so damn thoughtful. In the states we would just say “Oh, you can’t open doors? Well that’ll teach you to not have hands.”alice-with-doorknob-3

Lever handles make it a little easier for the hand-less folk, but not by much. I propose that Vancouver changes all of their doors to saloon-style or just get rid of doors entirely. Life would be way easier if everyone could just stroll through open holes in the wall. It might bring up a problem with theft, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Saloon doors would make everyone feel like a star when they enter a room. How could you not have fun with those? You could also pretend to hold one open for a frienemy and then let it accidentally swing back and hit them in the face. Not sure why this plan hasn’t been carried out considering it’s almost the year 2014 and we’re still using archaic doorknobs.

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20 thoughts on “Doorknobs are Out

    • Hah yeahhhh. I think it’s just a prime example of Canadians being thoughtful and sensitive to the well-being of others. And Canada wonders why it gets made fun of all the time. 😉

  1. Tried the saloon thingy and revolving doors in Toronto. Result, handless, armless people walking around with black eyes, and well the revolving door,,those gerbils are still revolving around and around and around…….

  2. Are disabled Canadians really that weak they cannot turn a doorknob? I thought this was going to be them bragging how they never burglarize each other.

    I like the saloon door idea. I always get jealous when I see them in a home even though the only home I ever see them in are sitcoms from the 90s.

    • Hah I guess so. I don’t know why they all of a sudden decided that this was a problem. Like, they’ve figured out how to live this long using doorknobs, do you really have to propose a change now?

      Yeah we need more saloon doors. If the security check at the airport included walking through saloon doors, I think people wouldn’t complain as much.

  3. There is a shop in my hometown that sells door knobs and door knockers. It’s called Knobs and Knockers, so British of them. If that came in here they would have to lose the double entrendre. Door Levers and Knockers just hasn’t got the same pizazz.

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