Memories

Where Do Babies Come From?


I don’t think I ever asked that question because I never cared enough about babies or where they came from. I was 3 1/2 when my brother was born so I knew that babies ended up in the stomachs of mothers, but I wasn’t quite sure how they got there. I didn’t really think about it too much.

For some reason, when I was in 4th grade (10 years old), my mom figured that I should learn about the birds and the bees. Barf. I hate when people call it that. So she went to the book store and purchased a children’s book called “Mommy Laid an Egg”. The illustrations haven’t erased themselves from my brain since that fateful day. I have carried them with me forever.

Once I received this strange book, my mom told me to read it and then we could talk about it together. Okayyyyy. First of all, since when do I read books? I thought nothing of it and just decided to skim through it. I didn’t really get it though. There were just a bunch of child-like drawings of naked people and I didn’t know how that related to me at all. So thanks for the present, mom.Image 1

After I was finished, my mom asked me if I wanted to talk about it. Once she explained to me what the naked people in the book were doing, and how they were really connected (like, physically connected) I wanted to throw up in every single room in my house. His what goes where? DOES NOT COMPUTE. But my mom reassured me it was okay because that’s how everyone in the entire world got here.

Oh and she also said that “it’s fun” and I was liketumblr_mdb5s0jaq11qfgzzvo1_500

So after learning about what sex was, I had a bit of an advantage on the playground. Whenever someone asked me if I knew what sex was (and this was asked a lot for some reason…) I was like, yes duh of course. I was really in-the-know.

I have learned from further research that “Mommy Laid an Egg” has become a banned book. I wonder if it’s due to the illustrations?rtt-new

 

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34 thoughts on “Where Do Babies Come From?

    • I know, right? Could they not have thought of some normal poses? Why are there skateboards and balloons and clowns incorporated? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. Lol and yeah…the dad doesn’t seem to be feeling it.

      • Last night, my 12-year-old wanted to see the gruesome Kevin Ware injury during March Madness last spring. “You don’t want to see it,” I said. “I do.” “No you don’t, because you can’t unsee it.” “Huh?” Trying to explain “unseeing” is almost as difficult as explaining sex, the difference being that explaining “unseeing” is something I’m willing to do.

      • Hahah totally. It’s pretty impossible to unsee traumatizing pictures or events. Luckily, for me, I had the pleasure of having both experiences (wanting to unsee something AND having sex explained to me) in one go! How lucky am I?
        (The least lucky)

  1. That book is FANTASTIC! And yet would still leave confused kids as confused and as baffled if you had given them an advanced biology textbook.

    But it’s fantastic all the same… those illustrations… wow.

    And it’s highly rated on Goodreads, too!

    I learned about sex from the dirty kid in my class who always seemed to know about everything. He had an older brother who let him watch dodgy German porn films on battered VHS tapes.

    Also, it seems there’s a DVD of Mommy Laid an Egg. I might download it for the lolz and the trauma.

    • Yes! It was so confusing. I could not wrap my head around what ANY of those pictures meant.
      That’s hilarious that it’s on Goodreads. It’s basically the definition of a good read.
      There’s always some weird dirty kid who knows everything about everything due to having a creepy older sibling. Weirdos.
      Love that video! That dad looks like a pedo…

  2. Oh my! That seemed like quite a book. Can’t believe it was banned! Or maybe I can… I have no idea when I first learned about sex. =/ Definitely wasn’t through any awesome cartoon books though! And I was much older. I was so lame, lol.

    • Lol I was extremely lame as well. Such a nerd ball. But at least I knew about the ins and outs of reproduction! haha oy…
      The cartoon book way of educating yourself is the only way to go 😉

    • Yeah there were a lot of objects incorporated to these positions. I don’t think you can find these in Kama Sutra…

      Yeah looking back, I’m glad she kept me in-the-know rather than learning it from someone else.

  3. I wonder if there was a follow up, such as “Mommy Is Out of Eggs,” and if the drawings reflect the signs of aging. And the effects of gravity.

    Never mind. I don’t want to think about that anymore.

    • Hahah omg totally. I think you’re onto something! You could make tons of funny books. “Mommy’s Going Through Menopause” or “Daddy’s Midlife Crisis” man I could do this all day!

      Haha yeah I don’t want to think about saggy boobs…

  4. So, first of all, WordPress unfollowed me from your blog. WHHHHHHHHY, WORDPRESS, WHY? I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SO GOOD TO YOU.

    Secondively, I am now going on Amazon to buy this book because you can never start too early in scarring your kids for life.

    • Lol that happens all the time for me with certain people. I’ve accidentally unfollowed Ross Murray twice now….oops!

      Yes, Cee would totally appreciate this. Just make sure she doesn’t become TOO fascinated with the book….like I was.

  5. The thought of “two people connected” makes me think too much about Avatar and the hair in the dragon holes. That was such a gross hidden message about aliens having sex with flying dragons with their hair. At least that was how I saw it. And I saw the movie in 3D so I saw it better than most.

  6. Wow. Mommy and Daddy like to get freaky. And it seems to me that these pictures have successfully ruined a good number of things for kids. They won’t be able to see a balloon, ride a skateboard, bounce on one of those ball-bouncy things, or go to the circus without wondering if mom and dad got in on there. Gross.

    • Haha you’re so right. Luckily I didn’t remember all of the situations and props used…just the positions. Lol. But yeah totally scarring. I might have to purchase this one for my kids, just to keep the tradition going…

  7. Addie Cofey says:

    I cringed thinking about my parents doing…that. Nothing, however, prepared me for my children having coitus. Using a fancy word makes it less real. As far as I’m concerned, Anne got pregnant with no help from anyone else.

    My story and I’m sticking to it.

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