Girl Guides

Okay so I guess it’s Girl Guide cookie season in my neck of Canada right now. It’s fine if you didn’t understand anything I said in that sentence because I’ll explain. In Canada they wrongly refer to Girl Scouts as Girl Guides. Like, who do they guide? They’re 9 years old. You can scout when you’re 9. But you can’t guide people because most people are smarter and have more life experience than you. So Canada, you’re wrong again. Sars (sorry). But seriously everyone in Canada might have Sars. Even if they don’t, lets start the rumor.

I was eating the Girl Guide cookies that my husband bought us me and thinking about writing a piece about thisย heinousย topic. But then I thought that I wouldn’t have enough to write about. BUT THENNN I remembered that I’m nothing short of genius and can write about even the most trivial of subjects.

Literally the only two types of  cookies the Girl Guides have to offer.

Shouldn’t these gals, sorry guides, be selling their cookies in the fall? Isn’t that when kids sell their cookies? I might be wrong but I thought that Girl Scout time coincided with the start of the school year. I mean, I was only in Brownies (for maybe a year?) but I don’t remember selling cookies in the Spring. Or ever.

Perhaps the most shameful thing about Girl Guide cookies is that they only have two different flavors. Like, we have 11 flavors in the good old US of A. Some people would argue that’s because we’re fatties. Which is true. Other people might point out that our country spends too much money on stupid things. Also true. But they’re probably just jealous because we have spending money from our good friend China.

At least in the states we give our Girl Scout cookies charming names like Do-si-dos (a cute nod to the square-dancing patch), Caramel deLites, Savannah Smiles, etc. Still living the American Dream obviously. The Girl Guide cookies don’t have names and are described as “chocolate cookies and vanilla creme cookies.” Ummmm wait what? Do you have no pride? girl-scout-cookies

Girl Guides even have a similar cookie to the Thin Mint. Their version is called “chocolatey mint cookie” and I really wish I was joking, but I’m afraid thems the facts.

Can we just have a moment of silence for Canada’s Girl Guides and their lack of cookie names and flavors? Don’t get me wrong though, I will still eat any cookies that anyone buys for me.


61 thoughts on “Girl Guides

    • Haha yeah I actually really like the idea of Girl Scout cookies but Canada just has to mess everything up. Lol They can totally guide me to the cookies but not on a trail hahah. Oh Jells.
      Cookies are da best. Lets be real.

  1. No cute names? No Samoas ( I lived on them my last month of pregnancy with Anne)? No huge variety of flavors?? What is wrong with them?

    PS extra kudos for the China remark.

    • No cute names. It is a crime for reals. So much is wrong with them that I had to devote a whole blog to it. So so much.
      Thanks! ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. Only two?! What in the Canada!

    Those chocolate, striped ones… I had them once. I foolishly answered the door to a group of girls and threw $20 at them to buy a couple boxes and go away. They were divine…

    The tiny peddlers were in my building at work hawking their cookies not long ago.

    • This is the kind of crap I have to deal with here. Feel bad for me.
      Those are so yum, right? I used to be scared of them because they have coconut on them and I always thought they were weird but then I learned that they were delicious and realized my mistake.

      Oh so maybe they do sell their cookies in Spring? I’m dumb.

      • I don’t know, but the lil’ bitches were practically harassing me at work and at the train station. Like, listen, I’m still working off my holiday blubber, I’m not falling into your sugary sinkhole!

  3. Girl Guides seems like something from a TV show where they cannot legally use the name Girl Scouts. I never realized the Canadians were so literal. I could see them calling cookies “flat cakes” or something else.

    I would also like to point out how you for some reason got 4.5 star average on this piece on that strange star system nobody uses. That means someone gave this a 4. Who gives a 4 to a blog piece? It’s like they really thought about it.

    • Hahaha flat cakes. Pretty much. I think that’s probably how they came up with the name though! Canada wants to have everything that the states have but they want to have their own version. But it never works out quite right.

      Hahah Whenever I get halves I always click on the 5 star rating and try to even it out a bit. It’s anonymous so I could potentially just rate everything I write 5 stars. But I’m too lazy.

  4. Marya says:

    This blog is genius. The “China” comment. The “Candada wants to have everything that the states have but they want to have their own version,” comment. Whoa, whoa whoa, Lily. Absolutely fabulous. A friend of mine and her husband and children lived in Montreal for one year. They almost lost their minds. I am going to inform them of your blog and entry because their one year in Montreal is encapsulated in the above written words. Girl Guides, are you kidding me?

    • Thank you! I feel the love! I really tried to dig deep with that comment and I feel like you totally understood what I was getting at and that makes me feel good. Montreal seems like a headache because it gets super snowy and Frenchy. Yikes. Haha

  5. Dude. You can just call ’em cookies. I.WILL.BE.THERE.
    Also, they’re called Girl Guides in The (stupid) Bahamas too. Pretty sure it’s a former-British-rule thing. *Shrugs*
    I was in Girl Guides for like 2 weeks. Eff that ish. Doing all those pledges and singing “taps” or whatever? Not my thing? I’d rather be in some corner somewhere reading a book. YES. I was a cool kid. Always.

    • Honestly, same. I love cookies so much. Haha don’t hate on your own country! The Bahamas can do whatever they want because they’re perfect just the way they are! ๐Ÿ˜€
      Lol I love that you were in Girl Guides hah awww. But yeah not my thing either I don’t think I lasted very long. I liked reading and playing video games more. Sounds like you were definitely a cool kid!

  6. Ah Lily, bless their little maple-leaf sweet hearts! You are so funny. Maybe you could become a Girl Guide Marketing Advisor and be paid in chocolatey mint cookies. Bless ’em.

    • Haha their little maple leaf sweet hearts! Oh Brigitte, you are the funny one! That’s too perfect. I need to start saying that from now on!
      I would love to be paid in chocolatey mint cookies no matter what career path I choose. I feel like a lot of people would hire me!

  7. Lol! Hahaha!!!!!! This was so funny. Thems the facts. And sad facts they are. Poor Canada. How miserable that they don’t have Carmel Delites or Samoas. And you’re so right about “guides.” I do not want a ten year old guiding me anywhere! Sheesh. Haha!

    • Hahah thanks! Dems the facts. Really sad times over here. It’s like the great depression except that everyone is happy and they don’t know how bad they really have it.

      If a ten year old tries to tell me anything I basically respond like Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids: “You doooooo?”

  8. Canada responds: The reason the Girl Guides don’t sell the cookies in the fall is because that’s when the ladies from the IODE (look it up) go around selling vats of lard to fatten us up for the long winter hibernation that lies ahead. The cookies in the spring are the little jolt we need to make it through to the two-week summer period.
    Aren’t you glad I’m here?
    – Setting It Straight Like a Good Canadian Should

    • That actually makes sense. I love how you always defend Canada. It’s so cute. It’s like you’re brainwashed. But I do need a nice Canadian voice in my comments to even things out.

      Of course I’m glad you’re here! It’s actually an honor to have a real writer read my stuff. Embarrassing, but an honor.

    • Laura says:

      I dont know about you but here in Alberta, which is above Montana for all you Americans, the girl guides sell cookies in the fall, the thin mints. And to whoever said their friends almost lost it in Montreal, I wouldn’t blame them…’s in Quebec!

  9. Hey, Lily. Have you seen our new wannabe-PM, Justin Trudeau? Young, handsome, his wife has hair like a Prell commercial? Elected Liberal leader solely on these superficial bases? That sounds like something we got right, right? And by “right,” I mean “American.”

    • Lol I’ve heard his name, but I don’t know that much about him. I don’t know anything about Canadian politics so I don’t pay attention to them. HOWEVER, I loathe when people are voted into office based on their “cool factor”. It’s the worst and totally American and makes me groan. Lets roll our eyes at him together!

  10. genericmessage says:

    The simple fact of the matter is I will eat my body weight in these cookies regardless of the country.

    To date I have eaten over 12 boxes of cookies since release. My wife? One, and she is STILL eating it. Disgusting

    • Yeah, lets get down to the basics. A cookie is a cookie. It will be eaten no matter how bad it is.

      I don’t understand people like your wife who can eat a little bit of something and then finish the rest later. Like, how does that work? My brain cannot compute that way of thinking.

  11. There are eleven flavours of cookies? Seriously? Do they all come in different cases like in Canada so the wee little girl scouts are all wandering around dragging 11 giant cases of cookies behind them. I think people might buy boxes out of pity. “That poor little girl with endless cases of cookies.” Also do you have eleven seasons of cookies? We have two seasons, this is the good season with two flavours.

    • Hah yeah they come in different cases of course! I think the girls just walk around with their order forms at first and then drive in their mom’s car and drop off the deliveries. So hopefully no children die of exhaustion! At least that’s how I would do it. BUT you do bring up a good point about getting pity purchases. I think all the flavors are around for every season! We are crazy.

  12. In Australia our Girl Scouts don’t even try and sell us cookies.

    I know. Everything you heard about Australia being a backwards country just became true with that sentence.

    • Haha no way. I always wanted to live in Australia but now I’m not too sure! You’re all so skinny and walking around in bathing suits all day that cookies are never on your mind, right? At least that’s how I imagine it to be… ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Yeah everyone from overseas always thinks we’re really skinny but I think our obesity problem is just as bad as Americans.

        Saying that, we most definitely ride our kangaroos to work so not all myths are lie. Ahem.

  13. We don’t have Girl Scout cookies over here. I reckon it’s ‘cos our creaking NHS dentistry wouldn’t be able to cope with the influx of tooth decay.

    I laughed at the China bit. And some other bits too,

    • Lol that makes sense. I love how much you make fun of people’s teeth over there. They were pretty wonky for sure. But most people’s looked passable. Too funny.

      Thanks Michael!

  14. are you sure they are Canadian cookies? ** doubt in her eyes ***
    are they not supposed to be shaped like maple leaves? ๐Ÿ˜€

    btw, I make the bestest cookies in the world ๐Ÿ˜€

    • Haha at the museum where I volunteer we sell maple leaf-shaped cookies! But no the girl guide cookies are normal. Haha
      Yummm I love homemade cookies. And all cookies actually!

    • This is true. For as much as I made fun of them, I managed to eat them prettttty quickly. Hah you’re welcome! Go eat a box or two…or three.

  15. GUIDES?! The frick? That’s laughable. I’m 24 and I still couldn’t guide anyone, so how’s a 9 year old to do that… Tsk tsk. They only have two cookie choices and yet they can’t manage to come up with two fun names? TWO. What is going on with Canada! That’s absurd!

    • Haha I know right? I definitely couldn’t guide anyone either. I think that name is slightly misleading! And yeah, how hard is it to think of two name for cookies!? Maybe I should do it for them and make Canada a better place?

  16. The ole hubby came home with a pack of these the other day… Mmmmm.. Oh n England it’s a girl guide, and u start of as a brownie ๐Ÿ˜‰ I know as I was one, though we never sold cookies… hahaha

    • Haha aww I was a Brownie too. Dang we were cool. Maybe girl guides are the original and the states copied you guys! I must have it all backwards haha!
      The cookies are so good though. Mine are all gone now… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      • I don’t know, I think in UK u had to be a brownie first and then a girl guide lol… I wouldn’t know hubby ate them all.. Gutted we only get a few flavours here lol

  17. Pete Howorth says:

    Man am I falling behind reading your posts and they’re like the best ones too! We don’t get girl scouts over here and if we do they certainly don’t go about selling cookies, too much risk of getting kidnapped by a 90 year old paedophile I guess, are the cookies they sell actually nice or do they taste as bland as they look?

    • Aww you’re too nice Pete. Don’t worry about falling behind, you’re always my number one commentor! That’s why I love ya!
      The cookies are actually pretty decent. I just wish they had more flavors here!

      • Pete Howorth says:

        Too right I am! I want that number one spot two years running haha! I wish we had door to door cookie sellers here at all; it’d save me so much time than actually going out in public and buying cookies myself.

  18. I LOVE this! Hahah… “Do you have no pride??” I laughed out loud at least 4 times. But it could be because I’m delirious from all this wedding planning crap. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Go Amurrrrricaaa!!

    • Lol thanks Viv! Omg your wedding is so soon! I don’t blame you for going crazy…so much to think about! I hope you’re having an awesome time at home! Soak it allll up!

  19. Karen says:

    Girl Guide Cookies originated in Canada. They sell boxes of cookies which have a row of chocolate and a row of vanilla in the spring. Most call these “sandwich cookies” because there is icing in the middle of two cookies. In the fall they sell the chocolate mint cookies.

    Girl Guides, especially Brownies and Sparks, could wrap up little boxes of dirt and people would still buy them for $5.00 a box. It is sad but true. It is amazing the revenue that a group can generate.

    Very funny post. I was looking up something for my Brownie group and your blog caught my eye (my daughter, a brownie, is named Lily!).

    Have a great day.

  20. The term “girl guides” is used in most countries. I am unsure why USA girl guides have chosen to call themselves “scouts”. Also Guides CAnada own there own recipe’s where as in USA Girl Scouts do not. The Companies that make there cookies own the recipes which means that company may make the cookies and sell them to consumers,under a different name. In Canada only the Girl Guides may sell those specific cookies. Also we have very strict rules about peanut allergy’s in Canada therefore nothing gets in our cookie plants that contains or may contain nuts of any kind.

    • Thank you for all of that information. The USA Girl Scouts may not own their cookie recipes, but I’m pretty sure the company that they get them from doesn’t manufacture the same recipes to anyone else. That makes sense about the nut allergy thing, but it’s still not as fun for those of us who don’t have nut allergies!

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