I was watching my Wednesday night line-up last night and I kind of got fed up with Modern Family. It’s almost too modern that it doesn’t even make sense. Well, I guess it makes sense but it just bothers me. Like, no family is that mixed and multicultural and skinny. Here are some things that I would change about the show to make it more realistic and a better watch overall.
First and foremost I think Claire, the mom, should die of anorexia. They always make comments about how she likes to workout or about how skinny she is. The plot twist is already halfway there. Maybe she had a case of exercise bulimia, couldn’t stop working out after each meal, and just slowly ended her life. Now the kids have to depend on their single parent, Phil, for everything. Phil, instead of being his funny, happy self, spirals into a deep depression and doesn’t come out of his room except to eat. He loses his job and the 4 of them have to move into a 2 bedroom apartment. Modernity at it’s finest.
Cam and Mitch decide that it’s time to get married. They travel to Massachusetts, tie the knot, and eventually travel down to DC to become gay rights activists. They lead marches and protests and eventually put their daughter’s happiness on the back burner. Lily, being the annoying child that she is, goes across the street to the picketers from the Westboro Baptist church. She rebels against her parents and finds a place in the Westboro community. And she gets to make really colorful signs which no kindergartner can resist.
Now that Claire is out of the picture, Phil is finally able to make a move on Gloria. Gloria welcomes the change–she almost forgot what it was like to be with a semi-youthful man. Jay finds out and gets Gloria and Manny deported–sent back to Columbia. Manny becomes a drug lord and eventually pimps out his mother. He makes millions. Since Jay and Gloria’s newborn was born in the states, Jay keeps the child and raises it. In his will, he leaves all his money to baby Joe.
Doesn’t that sound like a better show? Much more interesting and well…modern. In times like these we need a show that we can relate to, not a Brady Bunch filler that takes our mind off of the scary world around us. It might not be as funny as the Modern Family that everyone knows and loves, but it will be real and raw. Sorry I’m such a creative genius.
Lily In Canada 
I like that you have Claire dying. She really is anorexic, No one respects an overly skinny mom. Yuck.
Yeah, I agree they are a bit too Brady Bunch.
Thank you! Geeze. Everytime I watch the show I get distracted searching for her nonexistent mom pooch. WHERE DID SHE GROW ALL THOSE KIDS?
I look for her mom pooch too and it doesn’t exist. Doesn’t she understand that she looks gross and not very womanly when she’s that skinny?
Way too Brady Bunch. Like, how is everything perfect and fine? The only bad thing that happened was that Haley got arrested and kicked out of college. And they didn’t seem very disappointed about that.
Okay, got to go to bed. AA meeting in the morning at 10. Got to be sober for that. All joy in Jack Daniels. HF
Claire is my favorite character. Just sayin’. HF
Ha! That figures.
Hey, boobs and bod. Comon’, I am a guy! HF
What bod? She’s a pencil. I could blow her over with less effort than blowing out a candle. I guess if you’re into that wispy, wimpy kind of thing… no comment.
Com’on woman! She is hot! Let’s not say otherwise! But you’re hot too. I love that gap between your teeth. I love the hairstyle. I love the way you flirt and don’t tell me you don’t, you do! You’re hot and you know it so no false modesty! HF
Lisa, you are super and you will find your happiness. I have no doubt about that. Let it come, it will. Now, I shall go read. I have a murder mystery I am enjoying, but with an IQ as high as mine, I know who dunit already! All joy. Enjoy this stage of life. It really is a gift! Hf
Hey – I noticed no comment on my Ode to an Ocean. Did I miss the mark?
I will wait until I’m sober. I guess as a Mormon, you don’t understand, but these comment are the equivalent of drunk dialing. Ask Lily. HF
Hmmm… I was a little suspicious. I can always tell when you’ve let your hair down, not literally, of course. Carry on, Harper. Go read your book, lest you expose more of your underbelly.
I’m gonna puke.
Yeah, I’m close myself. One more beer or one more JD and I’m there. Saturday night! HF
I really love Claire. Wowzer! HF
Shut-up! No you don’t. I won’t let you.
I really do. I watch Modern Family just for her. She is the hottest, sexiest woman on television. Yep! Give me some Claire and give it to me now! HF
Oh, Buh-roth-err!! Spare me.
Its obvious that Harper has the worst taste in women. I wonder if he thinks young boys are sexy since they have the same body type as Claire?
Ummm…? Nah, he just likes bony women.
These are all plausible and amazing twists. I want a second version of this show, directed by you.
Thank you, thank you. I will work on writing a script and hiring a a crew to make this show come alive. 😉
Granted, I’ve never watched more than 5 minutes of this show, but how is it that these ‘modern’ families who are ‘so like us’ are always so financially secure? I’m not saying that the majority are dirt poor, but surely if they were going to be poor they’d include a single mum trying to raise a child while juggling full time work? Saying that, even Gilmore Girls which is all about single-mum empowerment had a convenient rich grandparent storyline to take care of that.
Exactly. I think because no one wants to be reminded of the harsh reality that is their own life. I guess people use these shows as an escape, but still. We could make them more real. The Middle is the show that comes on before Modern Family and it’s definitely more life like. They are lower middle class, they don’t have anything nice and most of their appliances are broken. A little more up our alley I think!
Which is a little bit sad, isn’t it? Haha. Let’s all be thankful that I don’t have kids at least.
I knew it was going downhill ever since I watched Season 2. I still think the first season was great. The second season had a few moments but had too much filler. Especially the first episode about the stupid car. What a terrible way to bring the show back. A good Modern Family episode has something happen early on then comes back to bite them later. I should post the ones I wrote online then get pissed when I realize they did it in season 3.
I don’t think I watched the first season because everyone kept telling me how funny it was and I always have to do the opposite of whatever everyone else is doing. So I didn’t start watching until later. But even now I can tell that it’s gone downhill since I started watching. You should definitely post the ones you wrote online.
I’ve never seen the show (I know, I’m a nerd) but I’d have Clare die while on the treadmill..have it short-wire and speed up to oh, I don’t know, say 100mph and she is flung off into the wall..lol
Hahah see, I need you for the comedic timing! I can’t do this alone because mine is too morbid and depressing. Maybe I should still have it be a comedy, but Claire dies no matter what. I could see her being flung into the wall. Perfect.
This post reminded me that I haven’t watched this in a while. I guess it just started to fade into the woodwork with its completely “modern” approach.
I would not mind a show all about Manny; love that kid!
Yeah it’s not so modern anymore, right? Everyone loves Manny! He must have been super funny in the first season because I don’t really find him that loveable now. He’s okay. But he doesn’t really have that many great lines anymore 😦
Haha, creative genius indeed. 🙂
Hah thanks Lily. I like to toot my own horn sometimes. I’m glad I’m not the only person who thinks so. You’re my biggest fan 🙂
*slow clap*
*Takes a bow* 🙂
I love this. Especially the part about Claire–not because I dislike Claire, but because it really is not “modern” anything without a single parent. I mean, come on. Also, their daughter Haley should get knocked up.
Thank you! See, I actually do dislike Claire. I just hate that type of “cool” mom. Moms shouldn’t worry about being cool, ya know? Idk. But I TOTALLY agree about Haley getting knocked up! That would be perfect.
I watched an episode of this show in German (dubbed). Now, I do not speak a word of German, but I thought it was so funny I nearly…fell off my chair. I accept all your suggestions, provided I can watch the new Lily-inspired episodes in a foreign language I do not understand. That really does make a lot of television crap better.
Haha I will admit that some episodes are pretty funny. There is a lot of good about the show, but there is also a lot that just doesn’t make it feel real. I’m sure it would be 100 times funnier if everyone was speaking German though. Haha!
No family can be that diverse and multi-cultural. Right. It’s so fake because it is trying to the the Model family.
Totally. They’re trying to cover every topic. It’s so dumb when you take a step back and look at it.
I’d rather watch Married With Children any day. I mean, come on.
Totally. I’d rather watch Three’s Company. Talk about modern! A guy living with two girls?! NO WAY.
Utter debauchery!
Yet again, Lily, you are “spot on.” I took “Modern Family” off my DVR Wed. night line up 6 months ago. I have totally started to hate that show. Can you say, “Trying too hard?” So, I watched it this past Wednesday night. What was I thinking? Phil bugs, Claire isn’t even acting because is the way she is on the show in real life, the Cam and Mitch thing is waaaaay tooooo cliche and I can’t stand their Lily. And, Wed.’s episode? Who told Justine Bateman she could act? Love her brother. Justine tries too hard. Ugh! Yuck! on all levels. Please screen write to save evening TV!
I commented on the Justine appearance as well. Paul was like “huh?” I mean, she was adorbs on Family Ties but that’s where it should end.
I totally HATE their Lily on the show. I think they should give her away. Why is she so bossy? She was adopted for crying out loud! She should be super thankful.
I think I’m going to have to follow suit and stop recording Mod Fam as well. It’s just too painful now.
I’ve never seen it,but I hope it stays on the air just so Ed O’Neill can have a job because
a- he’s a pretty good actor
b- the thought of him running lose on the streets scares the hell out of me.
Ed O’Neill is a good part of the show, but yeah don’t worry about him being out on the streets. People love this show and it’ll always be on…
At least you care about the good of the people.
I’d watch your “dark” take on the show any day than something that would just make me realize how terrible and uncool my family is, heh.
Aww thanks! Most families are uncool and boring compared to TV show families. I guess that’s why the show exists in the first place! 🙂
Easily my favorite fictional show on TV. I laugh every minute. HF
i actually love the show, well, perhaps because they live across the ocean hehe in the US of A and we are here where the sun comes once a year and the summer is the greatest day in a year. She is way too skinny though, uncomfortable to watch.
Ha yeah I mean, it is a good show. Lots of different and fun characters. A fun watch for sure. But I’m glad you agree with how skinny she is! Crazy huh?