March Madness

I know I’m kind of late on the uptake, but I thought I would share my tips and tricks on choosing teams for March Madness brackets. Keep in mind that I’ve never made a bracket before because it’s not fair for me to use my all-knowing powers to take people’s money. But I do enjoy saying the word bracket.

And let me just point out that I love the alliteration that March Madness forces on everyone.Basketball

If you’re having trouble choosing between two schools and can’t tell who’ll win, first study the team. And by team, I mean the uniforms. If one of the teams has awful uniforms and the other has a nice color combo, unique lettering, or cute warm-ups, then you know you have a winning team. Like, isn’t it obvious that Colorado State would win with their emerald green uniforms over Missouri’s weird yellow ones? Duh.

If the team uniforms are equally classy or equally awful, judge the mascots. A mascot can really define a team. For example, in the Oregon vs. Saint Louis game on Sunday, you know that Saint Louis will lose terribly because their mascot is a Billiken. It’s like, really? You are going to be a losing team with a stupid mascot like that. Why would you even be a university with a Billiken representing you? I’m assuming none of you know what a Billiken is, which is good. I’m going keep you in the dark with this one because your life will be way better without knowing. So mark my words, Oregon will win. (And if they don’t, that Billiken is obviously some kind of devil charm.)

I can't even explain the nightmares I'm going to have.

I can’t even explain the nightmares I’m going to have.

If you still can’t make up your mind, you’re clearly really indecisive and shouldn’t be betting your money. Another way you can tell which team will be victorious is by judging the school/city/state. For example, in the New Mexico vs. Harvard game, I think it was pretty obvious that Haaavard was going to win. Who even lives in New Mexico? Bad basketball players, that’s who.

Lastly, if all else fails, go with your gut. Sometimes dumb luck works. But don’t blame me when you’re out $200 because you bet on Minnesota instead of UCLA.


25 thoughts on “March Madness

  1. This is awesome! I used to be into the brackets when I was younger, (also love the word bracket) :-). Yes and I had no idea what a billican was, I assumed it must be some sort of Midwestern pelican? Now I know better, and knowing isn’t going to help me sleep any better either. I believe you should have a bracket busting show each March to break down the competition for the whole tournament. (are you listening ESPN?) It would be interesting. Does a blue devil beat a billican? Just curious. Thanks for the entertainment this Friday.
    Your assessment of New Mexico seems to be quite accurate. 🙂

    • Thank you! Haha I WISH the Billikens were pelicans. That would be cool actually. Blue Devils totally beat Billikens because at least devils are normal whereas Billikens are not. Plus Duke is cooler than Saint Louis, right?
      Thanks for stopping by! Glad I could entertain you 🙂
      Haha poor New Mexico…

  2. Knowing less than nothing about basketball and March Madness, I’m a big supporter of choosing based on uniform. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it’s how untacky your uniforms are.

    • Exactly. I know almost nothing about basketball, but I like observing the uniforms, cheerleaders, mascots, the crowd…pretty much everything besides the actual game. Haha!

  3. Go Bruins!!
    Wait, what? What sport are we talking about? All this talk of brackets confused me… and March Madness? What is that? Ohhhhh, the basketball. Yeah, I watched that once, when I was younger. Worst 40 minutes of my life. 😛
    Thanks for the hilarious “team” selection advice! Next year I’m definitely going to be raking in the dough by following these tips and tricks of the trade.

    • Haha every sport’s event I attend is the worst moment of my life. I get so bored. I find ways to entertain myself by getting food.
      Thanks for taking my advice! Also, you can use these same tricks for every sport, not just basketball! You will amaze and impress your friends, I’m sure of it!

  4. You seemed to research this enough to know about the uniforms. I’m not even sure what color my school was. In my bracket I just picked whatever schools sounded blackest. It was free and I narrowly got it in on time. I would have won an iPad if I won. I don’t even want an iPad.

    • Yeah I did some minor research for this post. How do you not know your school colors? I was all about school colors. Black schools always score high in bball. If it’s an all-white team, they’ll probably go down pretty quickly. That’s a smart move.
      If you win the iPad, I’ll take it off your hands. I have my mom’s old one and I’m in desperate needs for an update. Jus sayin.

    • I probably should, but it wouldn’t be fair to the common folk, right? hah
      AWESOME! I love sending letters. Glad you got it! It was the least I could do in return for my sweet mix! 😀

    • Yeah, little does everyone know that this concept works every sport. This is how I always choose my winners. Haha I should charge people–I’m giving away these money-making tips for free!

  5. My husband used to make me pick teams to see which of us would “win.” The prize was the opportunity to choose where we would go out to dinner – at a place a notch above our usual fast food, with waitresses, even. But is really an unfair conference. My husband grew up in Indiana, where basket ball is the state religion, and he even knows the players’ names. Whereas, I still question why anyone would commit a foul on purpose…isn’t that against the rules? I base my choice on where I want to school. I am obligated to pick Michigan State University every year.

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