Barbies are a symbol of perfection. Something that every little girl wants to grow up to be, and nothing that they will ever look like in a million years. The Barbie company (Is it Mattel? Do I care?) has many collections where they feature different clothes for Barbies, but they never give them different faces. What’s up with that? They change her skin color, but never her facial features. Can’t one have a lazy eye, or super flared nostrils or something? The reason we gave our Barbies bad haircuts was to balance out their beauty. You can’t have a good body, nice clothes, a solid career, a pretty face, AND perfect hair. Impossible.
For some reason, the people at Mattel think they know what women around the world look like. Their Dolls of the World collection highlights the cultural differences of women around the world. The dolls are dressed in costumes that showcase each nation’s traditional garb. This collection has been ongoing since the late 80’s. They come out with maybe one or two new national Barbies a year. (I kind of made that up. I have no idea what I’m talking about.)
Some examples of these beautiful creatures are:
Scotland Barbie. She looks like a typical lass. As you can tell, she can rock a ton of plaid. It’s kind of depressing that the makers chose to give her an oboe/clarinet/lame instrument instead of bagpipes. Also, she depicts the accurate amount of makeup that Scottish girls wear.
Spanish Barbie. This lovely lady is dressed in the beautiful clothes of a flamenco dancer/Satan. Her narrowed eyebrows show how women from Spain look when they judge other foreign women.
Philippines Barbie. Philippines Barbie is rare because she comes with her own passport and luggage. Probably because she wants to get out of the Philippines. 
Dutch Barbie. It’s nice that Mattel decided to go with wooden shoes (klompen) and hairbrush accessories instead of a reefer like modern day Dutch girls. As a child, she would’ve been my Barbie of choice because I was partial to Aryan looking dolls. Sorry I’m not sorry.
Greek Barbie. This is kind of misleading since there’s a picture of ancient Greek pottery on the front, you would think they would stick with that theme and dress Barbie in a toga. I have no idea what she’s wearing, but it looks like something Moroccan Barbie should be wearing. Also, this Barbie can’t be Greek since she doesn’t have a mustache.
Finally, through my searches I found Canadian Barbie. Since Canada has no rich history, they simply decided to dress her in a Mountie uniform and call it a day. I don’t know how many Canadian girls can relate to being a park ranger, oh wait, yes I do. None. Also, could they not give Canadian Barbie red hair AND a red uniform? So clashy. They should’ve made her a fur trapper and trader. Or Avril Lavigne. 
Lily In Canada 
You’ve seen this lovely plastic surgery freak, no? http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/01/29/human-barbie-valeria-lukyanova-justin-ken-jedlicas-plastic-surgery-criticism_n_2574137.html
And the Ken dude looks NOTHING like Ken. Just sayin’.
True. He just looks like an alien.
An ASIAN alien. Ken is 100% corn fed beef.
Haha this is true!
Eww I’m fascinated! She’s such a creature!
My barbies usually ended up being used to see how they could parachute out windows. Or put them in rockets and see who survived, them or the green army men. Or, they were tortured and had all their hair cut off, or ran around with no heads.
Haha what is it with us that we need to destroy Barbies? I guess I started feeling bad for toys after watching Toy Story…oops! Sorry to all my toys that I brutally murdered!
Lol. I was always jealous that I didn’t look like them. Besides, the GI Joes were so much more fun.
Same!
And yeah, I always enjoyed playing with my brother’s action figures more than my Barbies! Hah Or I would make them get married.
lol. That was not allowed. However, he won’t admit it, but he would play My Little Ponies with me, but SHHH, you didnt hear that from me.
Haha! Sounds like a good brother!
Always! Of course then later we would blow other things up, or throw things out the window testing gravity.
I really like this post. I thought about doing a blog on Barbies, but doubt I could put it across as eloquently as you did. Keep up the good work!
Aww thanks so much. That’s very kind. You should definitely do a post on Barbies! The subject is chock full of fun stuff to write about!
Spanish Barbie looks disturbing.
An English Barbie would be great, an overweight thing with a funny accent and bad teeth.
Spanish Barbie definitely scares me.
Hahah I was thinking about making that exact same English Barbie joke but I was too afraid that everyone would hate me!
Great post! I think Greek Barbie is supposed to be a Gypsy. At my old job they used to send out toys to schools sometimes and Barbies were one of the toys they would send. I would have to guess based on what city the school was in if I should put more white or black Barbies into the box. I learned a lot about geography.
Thank you! You’re probably right about Greek Barbie. She probably owns a goat or two.
Hahah that’s amazing about having to choose the percentage of white and black Barbies to send out. You probably could’ve used some Latina Barbies as well.
You crossed the line with the Latina Barbies comment there. Really racially insensitive with the new Spanish Pope and everything.
Omg my bad. A super timely joke though. Spainish Popes..what will be next? Black Presidents?! Oh wait.
It’s a dark day to be a WASP.
LOLOLOL!!! Every one of these is hysterical!! The Philippine Barbie needs a passport to get out of town! haha! The look on Spanish Barbie’s face is so rude! She’s obviously a be-otch. Canadian Barbie is a hoot! Trashy clashy is right. Maybe they should have used more of an Epcot look? Some flannel and khakis? They could have given her popcorn, since, at the Canadian Showcase, they try and suggest popcorn is Canada’s claim to fame. Why not just make her a hockey player and call it a day?
Great post!!!
Lol thanks! Haha aren’t these so funny? The jokes pretty much wrote themselves. All I need are pictures to make fun of. Flannel and khakis would’ve been wayy more appropriate. A hockey player would’ve even been more realistic than a Mountie! So dumb.
Haha I’m really craving some good old fashioned Canadian popcorn now…!
The Canadian Pavilion always makes me happy cause it means I’m close to the Rose and Crown aka England! haha!
This is true!
I want a baggage barbie. The one that is bitter because Ken left her.
Haha yeah same! That would be so realistic, and more entertaining. And little girls would probably be nicer to her because they felt sorry for her.
Ever notice how the hair frequently does not go with the nationality? Shouldn’t the Greek and the Spanish Barbies have darker hair. Now the dutch Barbie…I can see that, living among the Dutch like I do in West Michigan. Blonde is waaaaaaaaaaay too over-represented in Barbie land.
I spent a lot of time when my girls were young trying to find brunette Barbies. It was not easy sometimes.
The Greek Barbie should definitely have darker hair! And facial hair. And a goat. You’re right though, Barbies are typically blonde and that’s totally hair-ist! (Racist, but for hair..)
let me know when this is Freshly Pressed!
Lol okay Maggie….how about never? Haha I feel like I was FP’d too recently for them to treat me nicely again! But thank you! That’s an amazing compliment! Also, congrats on your Freshly Pressed post! I have to go over and comment!
For gawd’s sake, Lily this is hysterical. I stopped playing with Barbies when I was about nine and got a Charlie McCarthy ventriloguist doll (I know I didn’t spell that correctly). Barbie got to go places. Skipper, Midge and Ken had to stay where they were, obviously, because I don’t recall any of them in any different kind of garb. They did have houses and cars though. I agree with Maggie — this should be FP’d.
Haha thank you Brigitte! You’re too nice! That’s so funny that you mention that type of ventriloquist doll because I was watching Hoarders today (I know, I know.) and this woman had tons of those dolls everywhere! Haha real collector’s items!
You’re right about Barbie being a girl of the world. She really has a great cultural education/wardrobe.
You addressed my main concern about the Greek one: not hair enough. That’s the only way it’s not realistic!
Hah right? I can’t believe they made he blonde! Who is in charge of designing these Barbies? I think we need to intervene.
I think you should know that yours is the only blog I show my husband where he actually laughs.
I have been to the Philippines and no one had a skirt like that.
Omg that’s such a good compliment Emily! Men are the toughest audiences. Wow this is going to go to my head.
I love that you’ve been to the Philippines and can attest that there aren’t any sweet skirts like that. And that was the one thing that Philippines Barbie had going for her too! Bummer.
Thanks for sharing your collection with us.
Hahah shut up John! You’re just jealous.
Of a hilarious post. Guilty as charged
Aww hah thanks John!
Greek moustache comment; and all the readers go “Oooooooooooo!”
I know, right? So ballsy. My post really crossed the line today.
Makes me feel better about my unjustified swipe at Madonna this morning. Thanks for setting that bar!
I have one flared nostril. One. Both of them would balance it out a little more. I hate the very idea of Barbie.
They should have called this the Stereotype Collection. Also, please tell me they gave the American barbie some hips.
Hah do you? One of the Housewives of Beverly Hills only has one flared nostril too! Well, actually she has two, but one is more flared than the other. Do you know which show I’m talking about? Haha
Haha they definitely should’ve called this the stereotype collection. I don’t think they have an actual American one! Since America is basically the world, I guess it wouldn’t be fair. She should have some nice hips though!
My favorite is the Spanish-Satan Barbie. That look is also what Serbian women have when they judge foreigners (because we think we’re the most beautiful people in the world) 🙂
Haha I believe it! Serbians are a beautiful people, I’m not gonna lie! Spanish-Satan Barbie should definitely be her new name.
Hahaha this post was seriously awesome. I’m Scottish. And I’m Chinese. Imagine a Barbie for that haaaahaaa! XDD Hmm, tbh the Scottish Barbie is actually…well, if she was carrying a plate of haggis I’d be a bit :O but tbh Scottish barbie is too thin and should be a lot bigger and she should be wearing a tracksuit too along. And she should have a cap on too and gold hoop earrings. I’d bet that would sell millions here in Scotland.
Aww hah thanks so much! My best friend in 6th grade was Irish and Chinese! Such a crazy combo! Sounds like the real Scottish Barbie should be a chav, right? I would buy her for sure! Haha
LOL…
here’s more :http://www.barbiecollector.com/shop/doll/japanese-barbie-doll-2nd-edition-14163
Hahaha omg I love her pink kimono and big, round Japanese eyes.
yes the eyes. I think she got some tutorials here : http://en.rocketnews24.com/2012/09/14/the-power-of-makeup-before-and-after-on-the-same-face/
That’s crazyyyyY!
Man, are Barbies ever controversial! There’s as much debate on them as guns. Sheesh!
I was a big Barbie fan. I never did anything bad to them. My brother came along in time for that. Hated the little prick.
Mattel could really do a far better job on these damn country dolls. And, um, can we get some dolls of other races with appropriate hair? Curls, frizz, fros… Come onnn. Can we get some fuller lips? Some thicker thighs? Let’s get real!
Totally! It would make girls feel much more normal if their dolls looked like everyone else. I never understood why all the Barbies would have the exact same facial features with just different skin colors. As if that’s the only difference girls have from one another. So dumb.
I would love a Barbie with big thighs and hips!
Are we saying that every Canadian person DOESN’T have a mountie uniform?
Mind. Blown.
There’s this crazy bitch at my work whose in like her 50s or something and her house is filled with Barbies, I mean like all sorts of em; I’m trying to get in her knickers so I can sell them when she dies.
I haven’t even seen a real Mountie the whole time I’ve been here! Canada is just a bunch of frauds.
Omg is this woman a classified hoarder? Or is she just a “collector”? Definitely sell them–they’ll pay for your kid’s university funds!
I reckon she’s a hoarder, I havent actually seen her house though so I can’t say for certain. Just stories of people that have walked past her window and been presented with an eye full of plastic Barbieness.
I never regretted mutilating my barbies. I mean, come on, how come I get a lame barbie with a Ken, a complete sala and kitchen set and my brother gets a sweet remote-controlled car, eh?! Where’s the fairness in that?!? Ugh, I hate them stupid dolls.
And Mattel is a business idiot, hahaha! They got all of it wrong–Spanish Barbie is like a covert witch, and WTF with the ginormous passport?! Hahaha! I think Greek Barbie is the prettiest but what is that on her head?! Oh geezus.
That’s true. It’s kind of like we’re just serving justice to our lack of cool toys. That sentence didn’t make any sense, but I have a feeling you know what I mean. Haha!
Spanish Barbie does look like a witch! Greek Barbie is the prettiest but why is her hair so light? It doesn’t make sense!!