Jokes are always better when you have to explain them. Not that my title was a joke. Well it kind of was. But not really. ANYWAY. Aren’t airports gross? I know I’ve mentioned this before. I feel like I get especially mad at people when I fly. Maybe it’s because all walks of life are allowed to buy plane tickets but only the annoying ones choose to fly. Kind of like how all walks of life are able to have kids. One time when I was at The Magic Kingdom, two very inbred people standing in line next to me asked if the ride (Pirates of the Caribbean) had any big drops. I told them not really. It’s not that scary so they should be fine. The man replied to me that he wasn’t scared, but his wife was pregnant so he wasn’t sure if it was safe or not. Yikes. That baby is going to be so unfortunate looking. That is, if it survived after going on rides that day. Don’t they have clear warnings whether or not pregnant women are allowed to go on rides? I’m glad that I looked enough like a doctor that they chose me to be the judge of whether it was safe or not. On the bright side, their baby might grow up to be an actual pirate (or just dirty).
That’s like my longest intro ever. And it has nothing to do with anything. Okay, back to people being gross and annoying.
You know how airplanes load the plane in “zones” now? Like, zone 1 boards first and the zone 2 and so on? Well I was standing in line for the plane because I like to secure a place for my bag and get to my seat early so I can stare at everyone as they walk down the aisle. This girl cuts me in line and I assume that she must be super important if she has to get on the flight so quickly. They announce multiple times that zone 1 is boarding first. She gets to the counter and she’s in zone 4. Like really? Do you not understand the meaning of numbers? Or lines? Or airplanes? So there was that.
Then there was this crazy incident at the customs booth where the customs officer forgot to scan the guy’s ticket before me. He went to go chase down the guy but he couldn’t find him. After making me wait a full minute and half, he returned, telling me how hard it is to scan things and look at screens and ask people questions. Life is rough. In all of that mess, he didn’t even ask me one question about myself. I live for people asking me questions about myself. Customs officers have to pretend they’re interested in other people’s lives and he wasn’t doing his job. I was basically the customs officer/therapist in this scenario. Rude.
And then I felt really self conscious because everyone was staring at me when I was eating my oriental mix that I bought at Hudson News. To be fair, I was eating it ravenously, but only because I hadn’t had anything to eat in 5 hours. And I’m a fast eater on top of things. I felt like I was gonna vom afterwards so maybe someone should’ve told me to slow down.
On the bright side, I did get to watch some good TV shows on the plane. And I finished my book so now I can write a Lily’s Literature post that I know you’ve all been dying to read.