Travel Daze (Days) (See What I Did There?)

Jokes are always better when you have to explain them. Not that my title was a joke. Well it kind of was. But not really. ANYWAY. Aren’t airports gross? I know I’ve mentioned this before. I feel like I get especially mad at people when I fly. Maybe it’s because all walks of life are allowed to buy plane tickets but only the annoying ones choose to fly. Kind of like how all walks of life are able to have kids. One time when I was at The Magic Kingdom, two very inbred people standing in line next to me asked if the ride (Pirates of the Caribbean) had any big drops. I told them not really. It’s not that scary so they should be fine. The man replied to me that he wasn’t scared, but his wife was pregnant so he wasn’t sure if it was safe or not. Yikes. That baby is going to be so unfortunate looking. That is, if it survived after going on rides that day. Don’t they have clear warnings whether or not pregnant women are allowed to go on rides? I’m glad that I looked enough like a doctor that they chose me to be the judge of whether it was safe or not. On the bright side, their baby might grow up to be an actual pirate (or just dirty).

That’s like my longest intro ever. And it has nothing to do with anything. Okay, back to people being gross and annoying.

You know how airplanes load the plane in “zones” now? Like, zone 1 boards first and the zone 2 and so on? Well I was standing in line for the plane because I like to secure a place for my bag and get to my seat early so I can stare at everyone as they walk down the aisle. This girl cuts me in line and I assume that she must be super important if she has to get on the flight so quickly. They announce multiple times that zone 1 is boarding first. She gets to the counter and she’s in zone 4. Like really? Do you not understand the meaning of numbers? Or lines? Or airplanes? So there was that.

Then there was this crazy incident at the customs booth where the customs officer forgot to scan the guy’s ticket before me. He went to go chase down the guy but he couldn’t find him. After making me wait a full minute and half, he returned, telling me how hard it is to scan things and look at screens and ask people questions. Life is rough. In all of that mess, he didn’t even ask me one question about myself. I live for people asking me questions about myself. Customs officers have to pretend they’re interested in other people’s lives and he wasn’t doing his job. I was basically the customs officer/therapist in this scenario. Rude.

And then I felt really self conscious because everyone was staring at me when I was eating my oriental mix that I bought at Hudson News. To be fair, I was eating it ravenously, but only because I hadn’t had anything to eat in 5 hours. And I’m a fast eater on top of things. I felt like I was gonna vom afterwards so maybe someone should’ve told me to slow down.

On the bright side, I did get to watch some good TV shows on the plane. And I finished my book so now I can write a Lily’s Literature post that I know you’ve all been dying to read.


30 thoughts on “Travel Daze (Days) (See What I Did There?)

  1. Lily’s Literature is my favorite alliteration.

    Airplanes are very annoying. I went about 15 years between flights so I was pretty impressed how everyone gets their own TV now. I remember watching White Fang 2 and The Mighty Ducks 2 the previous time I flew and the TVs were at the very front which meant they were impossible to see. I also bought an $11 sandwich at the airport and it was mostly bread. Ugh.

    I’ve been feeling a little lightheaded lately and paranoid. My foot also hurts a lot. What’s your diagnosis?

    You should do a post on http://kidzshowz.wordpress.com based on things that happened to you while at Disney World. Or post it here. More people will read it here although we did just have our busiest day ever. Yay us.

    • Lily’s Lovely Life would also be a good name for my blog if I ever decided to change it. I love alliteration. Maybe I should just name every post from now on Lily’s Literature because it just sounds so good.

      The only thing I can determine from your symptoms is that you’re pregnant. And you might have a broken foot.

      Airplane movies are always the worst. They make a point to get the worst movies of the year and play them. I think Paul was forced to watch Just Wright, the Queen Latifah movie. Ugh.

      Sweet! I’ve actually been thinking about writing about some of my favorite childhood video games. What do you think?

    • Yes. And sorry, by video games, I meant computer games, but yeah basically anything with characters that we can make fun of is fair game. Also, I like that title.

  2. I tweeted something stupid today about not knowing the difference between fondant and fondue and everyone thought I was being serious. I was thisclose to having to explain to everyone that I was joking, but then my real life friend saw the tweet and knew I was just being my usual hilarious self, so that made it a bit better I guess.

    Those airplane boarding zones are singlehandedly making the airline industry go down in flames. If someone can explain what purpose they serve, I will name my second child after them.

    • Girl, you know how I feel about people not getting humor and the trying to teach you something on top of it. I bet people tried to tell you the difference, right? Ughghghg. You are hilarious, do not fear. I need another Kidz Showz post from you because the Gumby one was too good. I felt like hanging up my Kidz Showz uniform.

      Boarding zones are only okay if I’m in zone 1 or somehow ahead of everyone in the line. You can name your second child after me if you want. Jus’ sayin’.

  3. Haha! You have such funny friends! Oh wait, they’re my friends, too! Yay me!
    I would’ve enjoyed watching you eat the oriental mix, I’m not gonna lie.
    Their baby probably did grow up to be a dirty pirate, or, maybe he or she just works at Disney world – which is basically the same thing.

  4. Flying is the worst. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t scare me per say, and it usually means I’m leaving Melbourne and going somewhere far more interesting and exciting (not to mention, no work! yay), I just find the whole process tedious and boring. And then when you had 24 hours of no sleep, cramped space and terrible food (Australia is really far away from anywhere) I’m bound to be 1000 times more irritated than normal, so people seem more annoying than usual.

    Although I think your theory that awful people catch planes is probably pretty accurate too. Perhaps they have to flee the country from all the people they’ve pissed off?

    • Are you complaining about living on one of the coolest continents ever? But yes, I agree with you that Australia is in the middle of nowhere. I went there for 8 days. An 18 hour travel day for 8 measly days. Not okay. But yes, flying is the worst.

      Omg I like your theory even better. It makes perfect sense!

  5. Pingback: And the award goes to…me! « A Writer Inspired

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