Possible New Monopoly Pieces

I just want to bring attention to the fact that I honestly don’t care about Monopoly pieces and that this shouldn’t even be a news story, but we live in a time where anything is interesting. We’re so desperate for something entertaining that we’ll stoop to watching an Armenian family with big butts and lots of money.

Parker Bros (or whatever brand Monopoly is under…I’m really doing my research here) has decided to do away with the iron playing piece in the Monopoly game. All I can say is THANK GOODNESS. Who wants to be stuck with the iron? It’s cruel, really. They were then puzzled about what the new piece should be so they let the internet vote on what the general populous would accept as the newest member to the board game. Surprisingly enough they chose a cat. If you thought cats had it good in real life, they live like kings on the internet. Millions of pages are devoted to them, so it’s no wonder that the people of the interwebz would choose a feline as their top pick. new-monopoly-cat

I guess I wasn’t around on voting day, because I have some other suggestions for new and current pieces that I could see being loved by family members young and old.

I think Suri Cruise would be a good piece because she symbolizes the American Dream and that’s what Monopoly is really all about. Just to be clear, the American Dream is being born into a family with lots of money (preferably famous) so that you never have to work a day in your life. In turn, you’ll be able to look down on the poor common folk with disgust. It’s a beautiful thing.

Another good piece would be an iPhone or an iPad or just the Macintosh symbol. It would gently move the board game into the 21st century. Instead of plainly moving around the board like the other pieces, you could Instagram your hotels and SnapChat people that owed you money.

I was also thinking that hipster glasses would be a good piece because they would remind people that Monopoly is so mainstream and stupid. Why would anyone want to play a board game when they could listen to Edith Piaf on their record player while wearing an old band uniform from the 60’s that they found at the Goodwill?

Then I tried to think of something that symbolized the meaning of the game–to get rich. Black gold, Texas tea….duh. The BP oil spill would be a great piece. It would symbolize money, and losing money (which sometimes happens in the game), ruining animal’s lives (which happens with the building of hotels) and helplessness. I don’t know how you could get the whole oil spill into a playing piece, but I’m certain it would look really cool.

Lastly, I think Tina Fey’s facial scar would be a great piece. It would serve as a great reminder that even if you have lots of money and make people laugh, you still might have a gross scar on your face so maybe you should have a slice of humble pie. I don’t know what that has to do with Monopoly either.


38 thoughts on “Possible New Monopoly Pieces

    • That is a good point. In college I went through a Monopoly phase and played it almost every night with my bf and my brother. It got pretttttty intense.

  1. Ha this was really good. What’s your beef with Tina Fey? I’m not a big fan of hers or anything but I’ve never heard you mention hate for her before.

    My additions are:
    A Welfare Check Line (might be too big)
    Barack Obama’s Promises (again, probably too big)
    Respect for Others (I’m not sure what this would even look like)

    • Thanks! My beef with her is that she always writes into someone else’s dialogue a compliment to her. Like if you watch some of her stuff there are always compliments to her character. It’s weird and annoying. But she is funny. But not cute. And I hate when people think she’s cute because she’s defs not. If I mentioned everyone I hated, I would….mention a lot of people.

      Those are good additions. You could do a Welfare Check instead of a Welfare Check Line. That might suffice. For Barrack’s promises, you could do a bald eagle crying into an American flag. And I don’t think Respect for Others exists anymore so I don’t know what that looks like.

    • Haha why would anyone want to be a household object. And not even a good household object like a TV or something.

      Haha thanks about the oil spill!
      She’s funny, but ehhh. Thanks for stopping by! 😀

      • lol…m still going through my Monopoly phase though anyways the post is quite fun
        hey i had made a short film a few days ago and have posted the link of the trailer on my blog do chk it out. You would love it:)

  2. I’m surprised they even have tiny pieces. One day the lawyers will decide that they pose too much of a choking hazard risk and will be replaced by giant Koosh balls.

  3. a gripping life says:

    hahah! I like Suri Cruise as a game piece. I’d choose her every time. What about having China as a game piece to remind us that Hotels are small potatoes compared to owning a country?
    Clever post, der Lil!

    • Thanks momma! Lol China would be good one! China owns us all and we need to constantly be reminded of that fact. Maybe China-opoly would be more appropriate?

  4. Oh Lils, if I hadn’t already nominated your Oscar post to be Freshly Pressed, I would nominate this one. So funny! Although I am a little sad that I got your oblique Kardashian reference.

    Suri Cruise would make an excellent Monopoly piece for no other reason than Parker Brothers wouldn’t have to scale it down really from her real size.

    • Aww you’re my biggest fan! Thanks Em, you’re sweet. Don’t be ashamed. I actually really like the Kardashies and I hate myself for it.
      Lol so true about that munchkin Suri. She lives a privileged life, that one.

  5. Great choices.
    But maybe pieces that actually reflect the players?
    – A rulebook, for the one who is a stickler
    – A piece with arms that spring up every few minutes for the sore loser who always argues and eventually wipes the board clean
    – A green accountant visor for the kid who has to be the banker…

  6. LOL.
    I would TOTALLY wanna be the hipster glasses every time I play.
    I wonder if they could make one a chocolate chip cookie. I’d dig that. Very much. Or a CUPCAKE! YES. I can see it now, sister fighting sister, just to be the cupcake.

    • TOTALLY. Girls fight about the dumbest/most important things. The cupcake would be good. I’m in full support of that! Lol I could see you being the hipster glasses!

  7. Pete Howorth says:

    Tina Fey has a scar? I probably spend too much like looking at her other features like her jizzable eyes. (Did I really just say that? Yes, yes I did) Why do American women get hotter with age though and you see English women and they’re just, ugh.

    Anyway, glad the Irons gone, but the boot needs to be the next thing to go and replaced with a helicopter or something. With guns.

      • Noo Pete save yourself for some sexy bird. You deserve it. I love using English lingo when I talk to you. I would normally never call someone a bird. LOl

      • Pete Howorth says:

        You should start saying it in every day life! There isn’t a day goes by at work that I go “I’ve got some rate bird on the blower” haha 😀

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