Teeth Whitening

The one thing about being Freshly Pressed that worries me is that everyone is probably expecting some amazing pieces to come out of this blog. I can assure you, there won’t be. I can also assure you that I’ll be mentioning that I was Freshly Pressed in every piece that I write from here on out.

I don’t actually want to write about teeth whitening per se, but I would love to analyze this commercial about Crest 3D White 2 Hour Express Strips:

Okay let’s start with the opening. This brunette’s friends tell her that she’s going to Vegas with them in two hours. They don’t even ask her what she’s doing or if she’s busy or anything. They just assume that her world revolves around them. Which is clearly the case because she ends up going. Couldn’t they have planned their trip a little in advance? They probably don’t have a hotel or anything which is super chaotic. And one of her friends is at the mall and the other is casually reading a magazine. Shouldn’t they be packing?! And can’t they have a conversation instead of small doses of words–“Road trip” “Vegas!” Vegas?” Maybe they have tourettes but they only shout out really fun things to do.

The most disturbing part of this whole commercial is that the main gal immediately thinks about her teeth. Not about what to pack or if she has anything to do the next day, but if she has enough time to whiten her teeth. Her teeth are already 5 shades whiter than most people’s so maybe she has a teeth whitening addiction.

One would assume that in the two hours before she left she whitened her teeth so why would she bring the white strips in her bag and pass them to her friend during their road trip? Like, what was the conversation leading up to that point? “Here I think you need these. Your teeth are only 2D.”

Then, the gang gets to Vegas and the lead brunette bumps into this guy who just starts up a conversation. Why would he ask where they’re headed? Why does he even care? Did he come to Vegas all alone? Who does that? And then when she responds she doesn’t even look at him! She literally walks away from him as she responds. I thought she wanted to show off her smile!

And shouldn’t they all have wind blown hair after driving for hours in a convertible? So many flaws.


62 thoughts on “Teeth Whitening

  1. Given their single word vocabularies and the fact they continue to perseverate over their teeth and every other aspect of Vegas aside from proper clothing, I can only assume she and her friends are aspiring strippers. Irradiated teeth under a black light could help attract extra dollar bills, but clothes would just get in the way. So why not concentrate on your teeth.

    • I think you might be onto something. White teeth definitely attract dollar bills. That makes sense why the one girl was at the mall (obviously buying stripper heels) and why the other one was reading a magazine (clearly reading about new pole dancing moves).

  2. erinorange says:

    That’s the thing I love about America – in 2 hours you can be somewhere just as exciting as the place you’re travelling from – in 2 hours I’d be in Leeds…or Edinburgh (much better!)

  3. I didn’t even watch the video and thought this piece was hilarious.

    Okay now I watched it. They could have made it so much simpler. It’s not like they even showed any shots of Vegas other than the stupid City Limit sign which they probably stole from a movie. I bet the guy in the video is a pimp. The last shot should be of him making them dig their own graves in the Nevada Desert.

    You mentioning all the time how you were Freshly Pressed doesn’t bother me one bit. I’m friends with someone on Facebook who won an Emmy. If I won an Emmy I’d probably bring it up all the time but the guy literally posts a picture every day of him with his Emmy at bars and all these other cool places. I hate him so much. He used to brag to me how he met Bob Saget. Now he has a damn Emmy. No justice in this world. None at all.

    • Aww thanks Timberly. Can I call you that from now on?

      If they showed them digging their own graves, the commercial would probably win an award or something. It would be better if they were digging at night and the only light they had was her teeth.

      That Emmy guy sounds annoying. I hate when people know that they’re great. Or when they have Emmys to prove their greatness. I would post a picture with my Emmy every day too though. Just to make sure no one forgot.

    • I know right? How is it such a big part of their life though? I don’t get it. We have some really bad commercials over here. You guys have some good ones. I like the cadbury commercials. Those are always weird.

  4. Hahaha, I love to destroy ads like this, and I love to see them being destroyed by you!
    You are very right – and almost all of these ads are so very not real! So damn fake! We should look at that with our most sceptical eyes.

  5. Marya says:

    I am a veteran of the teeth whitening battle. It is the most painful experience ever. I believe there should be a clause in your health insurance to deal with the aftermath of the battle. I have PTSDS, or whatever it is called. And, my teeth aren’t even that white.

    • Haha that’s what I hear! I need to take the plunge of teeth whitening myself. I could totally see you with PTSD–waking up in the middle of the night, strangling your teeth or something. Haha.. Your teeth ARE white.

  6. You could put “Home of the Freshly Pressed” in your header.

    Bwahahah!! That commercial is a riot. Your post is much funnier, though. I’m so happy to discover that I’m not the only person who thinks these things about commercials.

    Yes, to everything you pointed out.
    I’m surprised the strips didn’t fly off and choke them, in that convertible wind.

    Maybe those giddy ladies are the world-famous Crest Escorts, known for dim brains and teeth that could light Tokyo.
    Thank you for sharing this! Now I can fast-forward past it when it turns up on TV.

    • I COULD do that…maybe I will! You’re planting bad ideas in my head!

      Haha why thank you! I love pointing out flaws in things if you haven’t noticed..! Omg I love the thought of them applying the strips in the wind and then choking on them! Hahah
      You may fast forward it…or it may be your new guilty pleasure…beware! I’ve watched it too many times…

  7. Addie says:

    You have, using your FP brilliance, picked out all of the reasons I change channels when this commercial comes on the air. The bit at the end never made sense to me, not one little bit.

    With that said, I admit I’ve used the strips, but, no one has asked me to go to Vegas yet, so, I consider them a bust.

    • I’m so glad that I acquired FP brilliance. Yeah her response is so weird. Why wouldn’t she just say “We’re headed to our room, you creepy stalker.” or something normal like that.

      I haven’t used the strips, but I’ll experiment and report back to you.

  8. I fell for that commercial and bought the strips. My teeth are really white now, but whatever. No Vegas. No handsome stranger danger. Something tells me I’ve been conned.

    • I’m jealous of your white teeth. I should probably invest in some strips now that I’ve slandered their name across the internet.
      No handsome stranger danger…hahah!

    • Same! Thank you Bree! You’re too kind!
      Not yet..! I think my mother in law is holding out on me and keeping it for her own…I better ask if it arrived! Hah

  9. Baaaaahahahaha. YES! These are the kinds of questions I ask when I see a lot of commercials. The inconsistencies. The commercial makers fail to think these stories all the way through, and it’s a dammmn shame. Lol.

  10. here’s what I don’t get. 2 hours to Vegas, means they have to live somewhere within 130 miles of Vegas, give or take. Where do these girls live, then? In the middle of Death valley? On the Mojave Reservation? Kingman or Bullhead City are possibility., but they don’t look like the could sustain the level of income these girls live at and on the California side, there’s only Barstow and good luck finding someone with a full set of teeth in Barstow, let alone white ones. I’m callin’ shenanigans on this one!

    • Okay I thought about this for a while too. Maybe they meant that they were leaving for Vegas in two hours instead of saying how long it takes to get there? Either way it’s wrong because if they drove from a respectable place in California (which I’m assuming they did) I feel like the sun would’ve lowered. They make it seem like it only took an hour or something to get there. Haha I like how we’ve analyzed this whole commercial!

  11. I like how the guy handsome guy stands in the background still smiling after she didn’t give a shit about him. Because this is what handsome guys do: go alone to Vegas, approach a lady and just stand there for the lady to respond:))

    • I know! It’s so dumb. I hate the shot of him standing in the background! Haha so weird. What are the chances or any of these things ever happening?

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