Godspeed, Kim Kardashian

What’s wrong with you, you crazy slut?

I see you’ve been off the pill.

What if your child is one gigantic butt?

Did you realize that you’re legally married to Kris Humphries still?kim-kardashian-ass

Kanye must be feeling proud—giving you his seed.

He’ll probably want to dress you though–he seems to feel the need.

Buying new pregnancy clothes could end up being fun.

It’s unfortunate that you’ll gain 50 pounds before you’re done.

To think of Khloe in all this must upset you.

She’s always wanted a baby too.

You probably don’t care because you all compete.

Khloe is stuck babysitting Rob. And we know they like to eat.

How do you come up with such good money-making schemes?

It’s almost as if you plan all of those dramatic reality scenes.

First it was a sex tape, then of course a fake marriage,

I didn’t think you would ever find more ways for disparage.Kim_Kardashian_wedding1

But now you’re stuck with Kanye,

There will always be a link,

He rapped about avoiding gold diggers,

Being stuck with you, well, that’s gotta stink.

I hope you pick a good baby name,

I hope it’s something the public can stand.

Maybe something more traditional and tame

Instead of Penelope Scotland.


43 thoughts on “Godspeed, Kim Kardashian

    • Haha thank you! I heard someone on twitter say that Kanye would be one of those people to say “We’re pregnant” and he totally would! They are both freaks..

  1. haha! I’m with Guapo – that’s enough Kim to last me the length of 2013.
    I stopped reading when I saw her ample, no generous, no, wait a minute… HUGE butt!! This year we can all give thanks that we have human size derrieres. That’s something we have that she will NEVER have and all of her money can’t buy her a new bottom. I think she should put that diamond head piece on her butt cheeks – just for a little sparkle. Right?

  2. Dear Entertainment Industry,

    Please stop paying Kim Kardashian a salary in exchange for being blatantly dumb andmelodramatic. When they sell the baby pictures for several million, and then whine that they “have no privacy” my head is going to explode.

    • Ughgh you’re so right. They love the spotlight though, don’t they. I can’t believe their mom just whores them out and sells their souls. It’s all very disturbing when you think about it. A Kimye baby is not what the world needs to start 2013…

    • True story. Satan clearly has all the control over the celeb world. I secretly hope the LA’s water supply is poisoned so that all the celebrities die and that we have to start all over with just regular Joes. Hah is that a scary thought or am I onto something..?

  3. Marya says:

    The rap, poem is masterful. I am in awe of your way with words. I also like the butt jewel line you and your mom created. I’m calling QVC right now to book the gig. The Dash Butt Jewel Line is sure to be a winner in 2013.

    • Thanks so much Marya! I may not be a true poet, but I think I got my point across. Butt Jewels are the way of the future. Maybe they’ll open a Dash in Canada just to make sure I can be in charge of it!

  4. Marya says:

    Candashian. The maple leaf logo can be Kim’s butt with the pointed leaves coming out of it. For the opening day of the store, you could could have a butt jewel free giveaway. The marketing is simple and direct. You will need a velvet rope and bouncers for crowd control the first week of the opening of Candashian. Patent these ideas before QVC gets to them.

  5. I’m going to have to reblog this on “The Book of Terrible” next week!
    Fantastic! Posts containing the despicable Ms.K bring in big hits, so good work, Lily!

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