Music, TV, Uncategorized

Dear Shia LaBeouf, Please Lay Off The Drugs

Most of you have probably heard by now that Shia LaBeouf was in Sigur Ros’ new “music video”. For those of you that don’t know, Sigur Ros is a creepy Icelandic band that has just made themselves 100 times creepier in my eyes. I can’t for the life of me name any of their songs. I don’t know what/who convinced Shia (aka my adolescent lover) to make such a weird career move, but alas, I am not responsible for him or his actions.

Shia’s climb up the popularity ladder started with the Disney channel sitcom Even Stevens. Everyone in my generation will admit that Even Stevens had moments of brilliance not to mention moments of hilarity. As young people, we get attached to shows that are by our side as we grow up. Even Stevens was one of these shows.  Unfortunately, Shia grew up, and so did we.

How could you deny this nostril-flared face?

As he moved away from TV, Shia started gravitating towards some pretty big film roles including but not limited to, I, Robot (never saw it), Constantine (eww I’m allergic to Keanu Reeves movies), Bobby ( did anyone see this?), Disturbia (sexy Shia make out scene), Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Old Harrison Ford, and like, eight Transformer movies. Yawn snore barf.

Now, the adult Shia feels the need to do interpretive dance moves naked. I just don’t understand. I mean, yeah, movie-wise things could’ve been better for Shi Shi. But they also didn’t have to take a nosedive into Icelandic waters. I’m hurt and confused as to why he would chose this path. I never thought I would see Shia’s peen. But now I have and there’s no going back. It’s seared into my brain for time and all eternity. Well, hopefully not all eternity. But for a while. Or at least until I have to look it up to refresh the image.

I can’t really even explain the clip. It’s not a music video because there’s barely any music. Granted, I didn’t watch the last 5 minutes so who knows. I stopped watching after Shia and the Icelandic chick were kidnapped and blindfolded and given lollipops. It was just too weird for me. Plus Shia had long greasy rapist hair and I just couldn’t deal. I miss my old Shia. I’m sorry that our paths didn’t cross. I could’ve saved your soul (Cue Jewel). Lily LaBeouf has a certain ring to it, dontcha think?


28 thoughts on “Dear Shia LaBeouf, Please Lay Off The Drugs

  1. He was really good in both I, Robot and Constantine. It kind of reminds me of Jay Baruchel in the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. (He’s the only reason to watch a creepy Nick Cage movie.) He’s the perfect sidekick. Just feed him some great one-liners and allow him to run away saying “no, no, no, no, no”. Bobby was pretty good too. I think he was just a college student scrounging up voters, while on lsd, or something like that. Foreshadowing, maybe?

    • This is the second time you’re mentioning Sorcerer’s Apprentice! It must have made quite the impression on you! But I agree, Shia is a good sidekick, I don’t think he has leading man potential. I mean, he does, but hes better being funny and cute.

  2. I liked him in I, Robot and Constantine (the only Keanu film I like)–in this, I made it to 1:20 and said, “No, I don’t think you can dance.”. Now, I can never look at him again. Ew. I will know what lies beneath the trousers, so, yeah, ew. (PS Best rename of an Indiana Jones film ever)

    • Haha thanks! Yeah I didn’t see those two movies. I’m not really into robots or …constantine. Haha I don’t even know what it’s about. But yeah, poor Shia. I think he was brainwashed?

      • Constantine was great because Keanu only had to use his four facial expressions and you weren’t looking for more than that.

  3. springfieldfem says:

    I’m not even going to click it. I want to keep the magic alive. And I friggin’ loved Even Stevens!

  4. Ok. This is super weird but I kind of dig it. Also note, the ‘song’ has the word piano in it, yet there is no piano in the song. Hmm.

    • Hahah you WOULD. I thought I only heard piano keys at the beginning, but I have no idea. I don’t even think I made it to the song part of the video. Hmmm.

  5. He ate peanut butter out of a jar with chocolate syrup! He lived what we want to do nonstop until we die!!! We have to forgive him at least a little.

    Why does it seem like so many popular child stars are going nude? I was going to write a blog post about it but could only come up with about 3 names. There’s been Harry Potter in that horse play, the little girl from The Nanny on Californication, I recently saw a movie where Kirsten Dunst actually was naked which really surprised me (Jumanji checks must not be coming in anymore), and now Shia. Has being naked in public ever helped someone who was already famous’s career? I’m pretty sure it ruined Harvey Keitel’s.

    Let us all breathe a sigh of relief that Beans has yet to come out with a porno.

    • You realize that you and I are probably the only two people who honed in on the peanut butter and chocolate syrup scene, right?
      I think you could totally do a post on it! Don’t forget about Lindsay Lohan! Are you talking about Melancholia with Kirsten Dunst? Because I remember her being naked in that one fo sho. LOL about Beans… he was so scary.

      • Yes I am. I didn’t think anyone else had seen that movie. I loved it to be honest. I thought it was some movie about a crazy woman then all of a sudden planets are colliding.

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