Movies, P0wning N3wbs, TV

The Avengers Vs. X-Men

I really like Marvel Comics. I support a lot of the movies they’ve made over the years. Growing up, my brother and I were big X-Men fans. We watched that weird cartoon, had the action figures, and even owned a t-shirt or two. I didn’t know a lot about The Avengers until I was older and wiser. While viewing The Avengers movie today, I was impressed. I usually compare other superheroes to X-Men to see how they measure up. The Avengers pleasantly surprised me. I realized that I’ll have to delve into the depths of each character for a thorough study of which gang is stronger. I’ll try to be fair and balanced. Just like Fox News.

Lets start with Thor and Professor X shall we? These men are both similar except for the fact that one is the God of Thunder and one is wheelchair bound.  Both men are level-headed and seek the good in all things.  Professor X was once allies with Magneto, who eventually used his powers for evil. Thor was also once on good terms with his brother Loki (Yep.) until he strayed to the dark side. Thor is ultimately powerless without his hammer. Whereas Professor X can control your mind and weaken his enemy without laying a hand on him. Which is a good thing since he can’t walk. In the looks department, Thor wins by a long shot. And I mean a really long shot. But what Prof X lacks in looks, he makes up for in power. Charles Xavier is the winner of this round! *Side note: What kind of cruel joke did Thor’s parents play on Loki? Loki is adopted on top of everything else. So you name your actual son Thor, and then name your adopted son Loki? Seems fair.*

He’s in a wheel chair! How did he get abs like that!?!?

Iron Man vs. Wolverine. Both of these men hate taking orders. They also both think extremely highly of themselves. Tony Stark aka Iron Man is a billionaire genius. He soaks in knowledge quickly and knows how to use it to his advantage. He makes Wolverine look like a simpleton brute, which he is. When it comes down to brains and braun, Mr. Stark takes the cake for both. All Wolverine has are metal claws jutting out of his knuckles. And that’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but Tony’s get-up is hard to compete with. His uniform makes it possible for him to fly, shoot fire, lasers, you name it. Although, it’s important to remember that without his Iron Man layer, he’s just a regular old joe. Whereas Wolverine has his claws forever. Unfortunately, I have to call Iron Man the winner. Even though he’s super narcissistic and has gross facial hair. Logan aka Wolverine aka my lover will always be one of my favorites.

A character that I knew next to nothing about is Natasha Romanoff or, Black Widow. She’s a spy and worked for Tony Stark at one point. She’s played by ScarJo, who I really like. I only refer to her as ScarJo in case you were wondering. I would compare Natasha with Jubilee only because Jubilee was kind of like a companion to Wolverine, who I compared to Tony Stark. And they’re both girls I guess. Black Widow is pretty amazing. She’s the ultimate spy. She’s super good at martial arts and thinking on her feet. She’s also pretty. Jubilee is slightly mutt-ly and doesn’t have any good powers. She can generate “explosive plasma”. So basically she can make fireworks. Terrifying. Jubilee is a disgrace to all X-Men. She doesn’t deserve to be at the School for Gifted Youngsters. Natasha Romanoff wins. (I’m hoping to get tons of hits by tagging “Jubilee”. People will come looking for facts about the Queen’s Jubilee and stumble across this dumb post.)

Note to self: Black lycra suits are ALWAYS flattering.

Captain America and Cyclops. These men are one in the same. Both cute, kind, and determined. Captain America is a man of the ’40s. He’s still getting used to  the modern world and not having Nazis around. His main goal is to help society–a true hero. Scott Summers or, Cyclops has the same goodness that the Captain does. Cyclops is extremely obedient towards Prof X as is Captain America towards Nick Fury (The leader of the Avengers. Basically Samuel L. Jackson with an eyepatch.). The only downfall to Captain America is that he only has a wimpy shield to defend him. Okay, the shield isn’t wimpy per se, but it’s all he has! And he’s decked out in stars and stripes. That’s so embarrassing. His enemies can see him from miles away. Cyclops can shoot a laser from his eyes(he’s not an actual cyclops, by the way. That would be gross.) and comes from a long line of mutants. Cyclops is the winner of this round. Ding ding ding!

Lastly I’m going to compare the Hulk and Beast. The Hulk, commonly known as Bruce Banner (dangerously close to Bruce Jenner) is a mean green fighting machine. I wish there was a better, less cheesy way to describe him, but alas, there is not. Dr. Banner is extremely smart. He created a gamma ray bomb, which worked, but he unfortunately came in close contact of it and it turned him into the Hulk. But only when he’s mad. If I were Bruce, I would be Hulking out all the time. Like if the waiter didn’t take my old glass away after he gave me a new one, I would go crazy. Hank McCoy also known as Beast is also a science mega mind. He concocted a medicine to take away his mutant powers (originally he could just walk on the ceiling so who could blame him?) and the medicine ended up turning him blue and giving him super strength, much like the Hulk. They are very similar characters with almost identical backgrounds. I should probably let the Hulk win because his power seems greater than Beast’s, but Beast is always ready for action. Whereas Hulk has to be angry in order to become Hulkish. What if he just wanted to fight for the fun of it? Wouldn’t work. Beast is the winner!

Way scarier than a Frankenstein look-alike with purple pants.

So I guess X-Men are more powerful than the Avengers. I mean, it’s pretty obvious. Side note: I didn’t include Jeremy Renner’s character “Hawkeye” because no one referred to him as Hawkeye in the film, so I refuse to believe that he’s a real super hero. He’s basically a pro archer. I mean, I could find one of those at the Olympics.

Who’s your favorite super hero? Double points if your favorite is part of X-Men!


21 thoughts on “The Avengers Vs. X-Men

  1. Great post! I should leave that comment here and then you’re left wondering if I actually read a thing.

    The Avengers movie looks so annoying. None of the super heroes in it are ones I ever liked. I used to get these comic books, Marvel vs. DC, back in the day. They would actually have them squaring off and fighting for realsies. Spiderman, Batman, and Wolverine were my favorite as a kid. I guess if you didn’t have a cartoon in the 90s you were kind of left away from our generation.

    Imagine Professor X naked. A huge toned upper back and little limp chicken legs. I bet he’s really self-conscious about it. That’s why he got that one device where he can squirm around without people actually seeing his legs.

    • Hey thanks! Yeah I would think that you hated me if you only wrote that. Ps, I haven’t forgotten about our convo!

      I felt the same way going into the movie. I pretty much disliked all of them. I’m more of a mutant gal. I like mutants because they aren’t as man made, ya know? They have their powers forever. For realsies? That’s pretty cool. I know of a comic book store in victoria and I’m wondering if I should go in and check it out.

      Omg grossss. Picturing him squirming just made me throw up in my mouth.

  2. I always wondered how Hulk hulked up and all of his clothes tore off except for his pants. I mean, ALways wondered. No one could answer my question.

    Nice comparison chart. I’m still torn between the two, and I suspect I’ll have to go see The Avengers before I can make an informed answer. Or at least pick a team that I can cheer for in a righteous way.

    • Exactly! How does that happen? His shirt immediately comes off, but his pants are able to grow 10 sizes? Seems odd.

      Yeah check out the movie! It’s pretty likable! And there are some good jokes in there too.

  3. I like iron man and Captain America and I’m fond of Gambit but you didn’t mention him. I like his Louisiana accent. Hard to choose just one…
    Why do all the women look so porny in x-men? Is it for the 13 year old boys that read those comics?

    • Yeah I was thinking about comparing Gambit to Hawkeye because they both throw things…? Idk. Women all look so pornalicious in all comics! I think you’re right. It’s for the audience that will never be with women like that. But they also make men super weird and muscle-y.

  4. Pete Howorth says:

    There is only one superhero and that’s Superman, if I had his powers though I know I’d use them for evil. I’d love to be a Super Villain.

    X-Men are better than the Avengers, they’re raw, grittier and X-Men Origin’s was the best film of the whole lot in my opinion. 🙂

    • Being a super villain would be cool, definitely. Superman kinda has it rough though because he has a weakness. That would be annoying, right? I loved X-Men Origins too!

      • Pete Howorth says:

        All Superman needs to do is pay for people to remove all the Kryptonite from the planet and he’d be sorted. He’s such a drama queen.

        X-Men First Class was excellent too, actually preferred these two films to the original three!

      • Same! I actually really liked the Superman movie too. I was kinda bummed that they didn’t make another! I guess you’ve thought about your plans as Superman a lot.

      • Pete Howorth says:

        Haha yeah, maybe TOO much, there is another Superman film coming out soon though but with someone else starring as Superman.

  5. I’m an X-Men fan way before I learned who Iron Man, Thor and Captain America are… I mean, I’ve heard of those names, but just didn’t understand before what kind of folks they were, what their powers are, that sort. My favorite XMen character since my teens is Rogue, ‘coz she’s all powerful and gorgeous. But I also feel sorry for her because she can’t ever have physical contact with anyone. Imagine not being able to kiss your parents or your boyfriend/husband. How sad is that.

    • Same thing with my childhood! I was all about X-Men! I know what you mean about Rogue. She seems really cool and pretty normal, but not being able to have physical contact would be extremely painful. It would already be painful to grow up a mutant and be different from everyone else, but it would stink to not be able to truly love anyone. 😦 poor Rogue.

  6. Mihir Bhole says:

    In My childhood, I used to know only four Superheroes, Spiderman, Superman, Wolverine and Batman. But after watching The Avengers and X-Men , I realized I should add Cyclops and Iron Man to my cool heroes list. They do have a way with words and powers! By the way, I am 100% agreed with your comparison.

    The “man” word that follows maximum of superheroes feels a bit redundant, though.

    • Totally! I always liked Xmen because they had names like Wolverine, Storm, Gambit, etc instead of having “man” at the end of their title. At least your knew the basics when you were a child. Some people don’t!

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