The Avengers Vs. X-Men

I really like Marvel Comics. I support a lot of the movies they’ve made over the years. Growing up, my brother and I were big X-Men fans. We watched that weird cartoon, had the action figures, and even owned a t-shirt or two. I didn’t know a lot about The Avengers until I was older and wiser. While viewing The Avengers movie today, I was impressed. I usually compare other superheroes to X-Men to see how they measure up. The Avengers pleasantly surprised me. I realized that I’ll have to delve into the depths of each character for a thorough study of which gang is stronger. I’ll try to be fair and balanced. Just like Fox News.

Lets start with Thor and Professor X shall we? These men are both similar except for the fact that one is the God of Thunder and one is wheelchair bound.  Both men are level-headed and seek the good in all things.  Professor X was once allies with Magneto, who eventually used his powers for evil. Thor was also once on good terms with his brother Loki (Yep.) until he strayed to the dark side. Thor is ultimately powerless without his hammer. Whereas Professor X can control your mind and weaken his enemy without laying a hand on him. Which is a good thing since he can’t walk. In the looks department, Thor wins by a long shot. And I mean a really long shot. But what Prof X lacks in looks, he makes up for in power. Charles Xavier is the winner of this round! *Side note: What kind of cruel joke did Thor’s parents play on Loki? Loki is adopted on top of everything else. So you name your actual son Thor, and then name your adopted son Loki? Seems fair.*

He’s in a wheel chair! How did he get abs like that!?!?

Iron Man vs. Wolverine. Both of these men hate taking orders. They also both think extremely highly of themselves. Tony Stark aka Iron Man is a billionaire genius. He soaks in knowledge quickly and knows how to use it to his advantage. He makes Wolverine look like a simpleton brute, which he is. When it comes down to brains and braun, Mr. Stark takes the cake for both. All Wolverine has are metal claws jutting out of his knuckles. And that’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but Tony’s get-up is hard to compete with. His uniform makes it possible for him to fly, shoot fire, lasers, you name it. Although, it’s important to remember that without his Iron Man layer, he’s just a regular old joe. Whereas Wolverine has his claws forever. Unfortunately, I have to call Iron Man the winner. Even though he’s super narcissistic and has gross facial hair. Logan aka Wolverine aka my lover will always be one of my favorites.

A character that I knew next to nothing about is Natasha Romanoff or, Black Widow. She’s a spy and worked for Tony Stark at one point. She’s played by ScarJo, who I really like. I only refer to her as ScarJo in case you were wondering. I would compare Natasha with Jubilee only because Jubilee was kind of like a companion to Wolverine, who I compared to Tony Stark. And they’re both girls I guess. Black Widow is pretty amazing. She’s the ultimate spy. She’s super good at martial arts and thinking on her feet. She’s also pretty. Jubilee is slightly mutt-ly and doesn’t have any good powers. She can generate “explosive plasma”. So basically she can make fireworks. Terrifying. Jubilee is a disgrace to all X-Men. She doesn’t deserve to be at the School for Gifted Youngsters. Natasha Romanoff wins. (I’m hoping to get tons of hits by tagging “Jubilee”. People will come looking for facts about the Queen’s Jubilee and stumble across this dumb post.)

Note to self: Black lycra suits are ALWAYS flattering.

Captain America and Cyclops. These men are one in the same. Both cute, kind, and determined. Captain America is a man of the ’40s. He’s still getting used to  the modern world and not having Nazis around. His main goal is to help society–a true hero. Scott Summers or, Cyclops has the same goodness that the Captain does. Cyclops is extremely obedient towards Prof X as is Captain America towards Nick Fury (The leader of the Avengers. Basically Samuel L. Jackson with an eyepatch.). The only downfall to Captain America is that he only has a wimpy shield to defend him. Okay, the shield isn’t wimpy per se, but it’s all he has! And he’s decked out in stars and stripes. That’s so embarrassing. His enemies can see him from miles away. Cyclops can shoot a laser from his eyes(he’s not an actual cyclops, by the way. That would be gross.) and comes from a long line of mutants. Cyclops is the winner of this round. Ding ding ding!

Lastly I’m going to compare the Hulk and Beast. The Hulk, commonly known as Bruce Banner (dangerously close to Bruce Jenner) is a mean green fighting machine. I wish there was a better, less cheesy way to describe him, but alas, there is not. Dr. Banner is extremely smart. He created a gamma ray bomb, which worked, but he unfortunately came in close contact of it and it turned him into the Hulk. But only when he’s mad. If I were Bruce, I would be Hulking out all the time. Like if the waiter didn’t take my old glass away after he gave me a new one, I would go crazy. Hank McCoy also known as Beast is also a science mega mind. He concocted a medicine to take away his mutant powers (originally he could just walk on the ceiling so who could blame him?) and the medicine ended up turning him blue and giving him super strength, much like the Hulk. They are very similar characters with almost identical backgrounds. I should probably let the Hulk win because his power seems greater than Beast’s, but Beast is always ready for action. Whereas Hulk has to be angry in order to become Hulkish. What if he just wanted to fight for the fun of it? Wouldn’t work. Beast is the winner!

Way scarier than a Frankenstein look-alike with purple pants.

So I guess X-Men are more powerful than the Avengers. I mean, it’s pretty obvious. Side note: I didn’t include Jeremy Renner’s character “Hawkeye” because no one referred to him as Hawkeye in the film, so I refuse to believe that he’s a real super hero. He’s basically a pro archer. I mean, I could find one of those at the Olympics.

Who’s your favorite super hero? Double points if your favorite is part of X-Men!