Animals, Vacation, victoria b.c.

Being A Tour Guide

Let me just start off by saying that I have no experience in being a tour guide. I got my degree in History (it’s useless) and one of the jobs that people recommended to me was tour guiding. Really? That’s the job you think I should do? I mean, yeah I’m funny and entertaining, and people would definitely pay to follow me around for the day, but having people depend on me for a good time is just way too much pressure.

My p-rents are coming into town tonight. And by tonight I mean midnight. So I don’t have to worry about planning anything today. Whew! I know that their main reason for coming is to see me, but I also want them to have a good time as well. Luckily Victoria has a lot of coolio activities for us to do. What I’m really dreading though, is the weather. Weather is so scary. You just have to hope for the best. Unless you’re Storm. I feel like Storm kind of got gypped out of a good super power. Like, whooo you can make lightning! I don’t know, I just think she’s kind of lame. Plus her hair is white and she’s only in her 30’s. Yikes Storm, yikes. Invest in some hair dye and get that under control.

Does she make any other weather besides lightning?

Like any good tour guide, I’ll take my parents to my apartment. I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m with a tour guide I always wonder what their living conditions are like. I mean, they can’t make that much dough. They’re pretty much like starving artists without actually being artists. Hopefully my parents will marvel at how nicely my husband and I have made our place look. I’m sure they’ll be full of awe that I haven’t burnt the place down yet.

Next, I’ll probably take them around the little village by my house. Once you walk down the street that the village is on, you’ll be at the ocean. There’s a dog park there, so that should take up some time as well. My family can be distracted by animals for hours on end. Dogs are awesome. Especially other people’s dogs. You get to enjoy them, without taking care of them! It’s pretty much a win-win.

I think only doing two activities per day is good. Not too many, but not too few. Plus, with lunch and dinner, and then some relaxation time, the day is pretty much over. The next day should be spent downtown methinks. I know how much my parents have missed buying me things, so it’ll be my treat to pick out some things for them to purchase.

I also want to take them to Fisherman’s Wharf to feed the seals. Seriously guys, it’s all about the animal activities! Seals are awesome to look at because they have cute faces and they’re all blubbery. And they’re super selfish. Which is always entertaining. Getting to feed animals is even better because then you really feel like you’re part of the circle of life. I swear the circle consists of me buying smelly fish and tossing it to those wide-eyed seals. Afterwards we can get fish and chips and pretend that we live in house boats.

Look at his body. JUST LOOK AT IT.

Sooner or later I’ll have to take them to my place of work, the museum. And if you think the museum pays me, you’re sorely mistaken. This seems like a rainy day activity. No one wants to walk around a museum while the sun is shining. Unfortunately, my rents are coming between exhibitions so they won’t even see anything super unique. We just had a wildlife photography exhibit that was awesome (it literally filled me with awe) but it ended a couple weeks ago. And our dinosaur exhibit doesn’t start until mid-May. Too bad I couldn’t continue my animal trend.

And lastly I might throw in a trip to Butchart’s Gardens. It’s a super beautiful place full of flowers and trees and ponds…okay full of gardens. I’ve only been there during Christmas for their light-show, but I’ve heard great things about their flowers! Flowers make people feel like life really has a purpose (which it does!). I imagine it to play out like some scene from Alice in Wonderland where all the flowers start singing “On a Golden Afternoon” or something of the like.

I forgot how scary the flower's faces were! The back left one is going to haunt my dreams.

Sounds like my parents are in for an eventful trip! What do you like to do when you tour people around your home town?


20 thoughts on “Being A Tour Guide

  1. No matter your age, having the ‘rents insist on buying you stuff is always a good way to spend time.

    Don’t forget the Wall of Death that you or your mom mentioned once before–it really sounded exciting! Or completely frightening. Take your pick!

    The best thing about midnight pick up is, no waiting for other people to get there and the traffic is low volume.


    • The wall of death is always a good time. Maybe I’ll talk my mom into going on it again? And then pushing her off…making all of her nightmares a reality.

  2. I had something incredibly clever to say,but lost it when I kept scrolling up to look at the seal.
    Dude,you have to get them under control!

    Have a great time with the folks!

  3. Nobody ever visits me so I never have to be a tour guide. I don’t have any cool museums or stuff like that to go to anyway near me like you do. Even the closest Chilis is far away. People are still amazed by Super Walmarts right? There’s one not too far from me. I’d definitely take people there. They have a botanical garden so that’s got to be kind of cool, right?

    • Super Walmarts can still be exciting. Sometimes its just fun to hang out with friends. I hate the pressure of having to entertain. Botanic gardens are always a good go-to plan. I think we have one in Chicago too. Does every city have a botanic garden? Movies are a good way to kill time as well. Just giving you some tips in case anyone decides to visit you.

  4. I always thought I would be a great tour guide, even have a plan (are you surprised). I figure the first place to take the guidees is to a famous local pub. By the first 2 rounds, (cut a deal with the owner). The guidees will likely have at least one or two more. At this point you have killed a couple of hours and your guests are slightly inebriated. At this point, anything you show them will be great and the tips will be increased tenfold. A win-win situation for everyone.

  5. Sounds like you’ll have a good visit. Whenever people come to visit us in no-man’s land, I end up just apologizing for 50% of their visit that there’s nothing to do except go to walmart and rent vids from redbox.

    • Hahah entertaining is always so much pressure! I always apologize too. I never think people are having that much fun. Walmart is endless entertainment though! People always want to go shopping when they’re on “vacation” right?

  6. Pete Howorth says:

    Sounds like you’ve planned well! I rarely get people visiting me, maybe my cousin when he comes down from Scotland but even then I just take him to the pub and get hammered. Because that’s what we Howorth’s do. 😀

    • Haha isn’t that what everyone in the UK does? Just drink all day and night? You guys really know how to party. And do pub tours…

      • Pete Howorth says:

        If you ain’t drinkin, you ain’t livin. That’s my motto. Unless of course you’re a raging alcoholic then you ain’t livin for long.

  7. Pingback: 25 Images That Will Turn Your Day Around | The Smilington Post

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