If I Won the Lottery…

Winning the lottery seems like everyone’s dream. To get rich quick, without having to do any work. The Mega Millions lottery was up to  $656 million last week. For all you simpletons out there, that’s a lot of moolah. My husband was saying, “Yeah, but the United States takes out taxes from your winnings, so you would only get half of that.” True. But I think I could somehow make $328 million go a long way. Damn you Canada for not taking taxes out of your lotto money.

This would be the break down of where my money would go if I won the lottery. I’m not going to calculate any exact amounts so all you math people can just chillax for a couple of minutes okay?

1. I would give 10% of it to my church and then 10% to my husband’s church. Seems like a large sum, but that’s how you get into heaven guys. If I won the lottery and got into heaven, I really wouldn’t have a lot to complain about, would I? A world without complaints from Lily? Seems like a pretty messed up place.

2. I would give a chunk to a charity–preferably one having to do with animal rescue. Maybe specific animals like big cats, or elephants or puppies. And then I could live my dream of being around all of my animals friends.  I should just go into the jungle, start wearing a diaper, and become Mowgli already.

Me and Baloo, just hanging.

3. I would buy a house for Paul and myself, and one for my parents and a condo for my broski. He doesn’t quite deserve house status yet. I would probably buy them somewhere sunny and warm. Southern style. Or Floridian beach style.

4. I would go on a shopping spree. Nothing too crazy, just some things that would make my wardrobe stand out a little more. Maybe buy a David Yurman ring…I don’t know. Just throwing ideas around.

5. Personal trainer and home chef. Two necessities that aren’t really necessary. It would be great to have people make you healthy meals instead of foraging around the kitchen for something to eat. I would actually hire Bob Harper, Jillian Michaels, or Gunnar Peterson as my personal trainer. I would sit them down and question them to see which one would work best for me.  I would probably pick Bob though just because he’s my lover.

Jillian and Bob fighting over me.

6. Start my own makeup or clothing line. Two very different things, but I take a real interest in both paths. Not that I am good at dressing myself, or applying makeup, but I would be interested in making my millions grow. (I’m going to be so depressed after I finish writing this and realize that I only have a million pennies to my name.)

7. Travel. Everywhere. Life is short. The world isn’t that big. Traveling is something that cultures you. Some of my favorite experiences have taken place abroad.

First stop, Santorini, Greece.

8. Just relax. Not having to work is a privilege. Spending some quality time with the fam, making memories.

What would you spend your money on if you won the Mega Millions lottery?


31 thoughts on “If I Won the Lottery…

  1. I’d pay off my student loans first.. then go on a major shopping spree.. then hire an entire staff of people to do everything for me. eg bill payment, house cleaning,personal training, chef, etc etc.

  2. natalie says:

    I would probably travel to see my dear friend Lily. We would then jet off to South Africa and live like queens. Little puppies would follow us wherever we would go and then we’d probably realize that that is exhausting and head to bed with Naomi Sushi Express.

    • Awww! You just painted a vivid picture of what our lives really consist of–dreams and sushi. But seriously, can one of us just win so we can make pinterest our real lives?

    • Lucky! It would really be amazing to win. Too bad the odds are terrible. Apparently you’re more likely to get struck with lightning twice before you win the lottery! Oh well…

  3. Good post Lily!
    I’d give my 10% off the top to tithing. Then I’d give each family member some cool cash (this does not include my children.) My kids would get more than other family members because they’re my children and I suspect someday they might have to change my diapers. So I’ll pay them for their troubles in advance. After that I’d put money into stocks, bonds, gold and property. Then I’d buy myself a nice house — something near the beach. I’d make sure I could live comfortably without worries. I would give generously to various charities. I don’t think a person could live with themselves if they didn’t help the less fortunate. Maybe I could combine travel with charity work…hmmm… that’s the ticket!

    • Oooh I like the way you think. Angelina Jolie style. Maybe we could adopt some kids along the way? We better start playing the lottery more…we’ve got big plans that need to be put to use!

  4. I would build a fortress and never come out. Really, I’m afraid that’s what I would turn myself into. I would probably make up dumb competitions where I give $10,000 away to people. I think that’s the amount where they have to pay taxes on it. Maybe buy a sports franchise? Definitely save up a lot so mine and Malin Akerman’s children never have to work. You have to figure if I was that rich she’d see beyond our differences.

    I’d also give you a lot! (probably not, but if you think I would and you win maybe you’d give me some)

    • Make up dumb competitions for people? You’re like one step away form Hitler. Malin Akerman would totally marry you. I think she’s in the new movie Rock of Ages, which looks SUPER DUMB.
      You should give me a lot. I’ve pretty much changed your life. I might give you some, just so you could live your dream and stop asking for some.

  5. mel says:

    I’m with Mooselicker – I’d get myself a nice castle in scotland with a moat and set up sustainable energy and gardening stuff, so that I’ve somewhere nice to invite people to when the zombies arrive or similar – you need a get out of dodge plan and the lottery win would help alot 🙂

    Anything else I had left would go to charities I support, because they’d need even more help

    • Always good to plan for a good old fashioned zombie attack. I like the way you think! Mooselicker’s a pretty smart guy. I like the idea of having a moat. Maybe throw some gators in?

      • mel says:

        Absolutely – with my lottery stash I’ll have to get some specially genetically enhanced gators to survive the scottish weather, but why not? 🙂

    • Yesss. That would be so amazing if you owned a university. Put a pool in the middle of it, make all of the text books into coloring books…so many ideas!

  6. Chantel says:

    I have heard that you can’t make a bunch of money until you can see yourself with that money. By the sounds of it you are well on your way to success by knowing how you will spend all the cashola. I think you should buy a ticket because according to the universe you will win. For recommending this I will be fine with just 1 mill.

    • Oooh you definitely earned a quick 1 mil for that comment! I need as much luck as I can get! Clearly I am ready for the responsibility of having hundreds of millions of dollars.

    • My husband really wants a seaplane for some reason. How often would you use it? Maybe its a man thing?

      You could hire the band members to hang out with you with all of the millions that you win!

  7. I would possibly be dead within a year. There is only so much abuse a body can take.

    I would have a big house with a go-kart track out the back. Big cinema room and stuff.

    Also invest money in a couple of those private rocket companies like SpaceX. I like rockets and space and stuff ya see.

    I like the way you throw in bits of lingo like ‘chillax’ and ‘broski’ in your posts, it’s funny. You would be a great Mowgli. Kind of like that woman in Crocodile Dundee but without the crocodile attacking you.

    • Sounds like you would be putting your money to good use. Kind of like Richie Rich or Arthur.

      Thanks for thinking I’m funny. I try to write the same way I talk. So if you met me in real life, you would kind of already know what I’m like. I think I would be a great Mowgli for a while…I’d probably get eaten my first day.

  8. I’d tithe to an organization for children. I don’t really practice my faith anymore. I applied to Care Ships, and they turned me down because I didn’t have a letter from a pastor. I guess the willingness to donate a year or so of my life wasn’t enough.

    So, I’d give 10% to children and 10% to animals, buy each of my kids a house near me, some new clothes, travel, and not feel guilty giving to beggers. And, I’d travel in business. No more sporks!

    OH, and I’d host a get together for us complete with masks and voice disguisers.

    • I feel like you could afford first class if you won hundreds of millions. But what do I know? A get together would be fun…I would be interested in seeing everyone (with a mask, of course!).
      Giving to children and animals is a always a good choice!

Comments are great, eh?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s