Exercise

Gym Rats


I’m not taking about people who are at the gym all the time chiseling their bods. I’m talking about people who are at the gym that actually look like rats. By now you all know that I love observing, people watching, judging, whatever you wanna call it. The gym is an awesome place to do this. However, you run the risk of being judged yourself because you’re most likely sweaty and/or dead from doing the StairMaster for 15 minutes.

Now that I think about it, the StairMaster is the greatest machine to workout on if your into people watching, like myself. It’s almost like your on a tower, high above the rest of the common gym folk. Most of my spying happens whilst climbing 61 flights of stairs.

One day, a yoga class had just finished and as the people emptied out of the room, they were all carrying their mats and their shoes. They paraded across the room in their bare feet. Is that really necessary? I don’t want to see your sweaty feet during my workout. How hard is it to put shoes on? I’m pretty sure yoga isn’t the most grueling of workouts (unless it’s hot yoga, in which case God bless your soul).

Ew put those away, you psychos.

Later in the day this guy was working out on the elliptical in front of me. I don’t know what kind of look he was going for, but it wasn’t cute. I’m going to start at the top and work my way down. He had jet black greased back hair that went back to his neck. I don’t know what was holding his hair in place–grease, hair gel, sweat?–but not one hair was out of place. He had on a black wife-beater TUCKED into a bathing suit. If there’s one thing that’s super unattractive, it’s men working out in swim trunks. Ew okay I hate saying swim trunks. A bathing suit. Like, why? What is the reasoning? You can literally buy running shorts anywhere! Go to Wal-Mart.

It gets even worse though. He was wearing black socks pulled up to the middle of his calf and black boots that looked like they had a bit of a heel. That’s your outfit to workout in? That’s what you choose? After he picked his wedgie right in front of me, I decided to stop observing because there’s not much else to see after that.

Right up there.

On a completely different day, I was running on the treadmill, minding my on business when I see this very large man. He’s wearing a bright red shirt with a maple leaf on it, tucked into dress shorts (I don’t know how to describe them–like nicer khaki shorts?) with suspenders. He gets on the machine next to me, and I’m just chillin’ listening to my tunes when I almost jump off of my machine. He made the loudest, HEYYYYHOOHOOO noise when he saw two of his buddies. He bellowed. There is really no other word to describe what he did. Everyone in the gym was staring at him as he hugged his friends, drenching them in his sweat. At this point I was glancing around the room to make sure my friend saw what I was seeing. She did. We were frightened.

His friend got on the treadmill on the other side of me and the proceeded to talk across me as I was trying to run. I punched my emergency stop button and got off the machine. The YMCA is a great place to work out if you can dodge the creeps. Looking back, I should have taken the spray bottle that’s used to clean the machines and just sprayed both of them. Next time….next time.

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25 thoughts on “Gym Rats

  1. I am with you here actually. I can’t help judging some people at the gym. If they don’t stop talking loudly or are constantly on their phones then I hate them.

    They should just shush and grunt modestly and nothing else.

    No poncy tops either.

    • Exactly. The gym just turns into this weird social hour for people and I can’t help but to look. It’s like they need attention or something.
      Hah I agree about the poncy tops!

  2. Harper Faulkner says:

    Dear Lily, you might be a shade judgmental. On a different note, buy your mom’s house. It’s the nice thing to do for her. HF

  3. Great reason to not go to a gym… Last time I was there with school, and there were some bodybuilders who must have laughed at how we, tender girls, tried to lift the weights.
    They might have thought we admired their muscles. But we didn’t.

    • Haha weight lifting is always embarrassing. I pick up the lightest weights and try to make my arms stronger, but it just looks dumb.
      Guys who work really hard on having muscles need to get a life!

  4. I’m dying at “Later in the day…” How long were you there?! Ahahahahahahaha.
    And yeah, the gym is good for people watching. I don’t go to the gym. Too many people. To watch, AND watching. Lol.

    • Haha not long! I guess that sounds like I was there for an entire day…meanwhile I was there for an hour!
      Yeah I hate when people look at me at the gym. I’m obviously a sweaty mess–don’t judge me!

  5. Marya says:

    I was at Wal Mart the other day (not buying gym clothes, just necessities) and the gal behind me says louldy, “I know you. You’re from the gym.” I had a few of my children with me and the exclamation scared them.

    I acknowledged her. What I really wanted to say was, “I know you from the gym, as well. You are the one who dances and sings loudly on the treadmill. You make me and my friend do the continual eye roll. You think Steven Spielberg is around the corner ready for you to audition.” Pssseeeesh.

    Great post cousin. Don’t go changin’. Keep on judging.

    • Ahhh isn’t it scary when you see people outside of their normal habitat? It’s like seeing a teacher outside of school–definition of horrifying.
      I like how your children are scared of everything you do. Keep on keepin on!

  6. Okay, I’m still reeling from that gross foot. Was that necessary? Seriously. Eww.

    When you’re young and beautiful judging just happens. When you’re old and sweaty and mis-shapen like me, you want to be invisible. I’ll purposefully avoid going to the gym if there are too many beautiful people around. Like I would NEVER go to Bally’s or one of those Los Angeles gyms that looks like it’s full of perfect bodies. I’d rather hang out with Mr. Black socks and feel good about myself. haha!

    • I know…I had to find the perfect picture and that was it!

      I don’t really like it when people look at me in the gym. It’s definitely not my finest moment. I don’t think I could work out in a Bally’s either. Maybe it would be good motivation though?

    • Hahah oh shoot…I hope that’s not the case! The whole point of my secret judging is that it’s SECRET!
      Soon people are going to start judging me….Actually, it’s probably already begun…

  7. Aren’t most people who workout a lot generally ugly in the face? Personality too. I was friends with a kid who was 5’3 at his peak but had lots of muscles. He looked exactly like a rat too. Like that’s the word I used to describe him, rat-faced.

    Lesson you need to learn: Stop going places mentioned in old songs. Or do them all. That could be kind of fun. Drive your Chevy to a dry levy. Buy a stairway to heaven.Go through a desert on a horse lacking a name. You can go on forever and never get bored!

    • That sounds really expensive. Where am I gonna get a horse? Do levies even exist any more? I feel like building a stairway to heaven was already tried…?
      Omg that would suck to be a guy and be 5’3! That’s so tiny! Has he considered dating Snooki? Actually, there was a short guy in my high school and a couple years after graduating he went into body building. Seemed like an odd choice.

  8. What a great post! I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing this valuable information with us. I have bookmarked this site and will be sure to check for updates. Keep up the good work!

  9. You’ve outdone yourself, Lily!
    By the way, yours is one of the few blogs left that I can actually see my comment son! I don’t know what’s going on these days with WordPress..

  10. You walk 61 flights of stairs on a StairMaster? Wouldn’t it be quicker to use the ElevatorMaster? Your index finger would be super strong from pushing the floor buttons, and, it would be so much quicker.

    Jus’ wonderin’.

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