canada, Exercise, living in canada

Profiling Canadians

Canada, much like the US, has different types of citizens. I’m not talking about races–more like different groups of the community. Here are the most prominent groups in my dissection of Canadians:

The Earth-Loving Hippies: Typically found throughout B.C. (lucky me) these folks practice yoga, use eco-friendly house cleaners (if they have houses) and drink oolong tea. Normally spotted wearing patchwork clothes and dreadlocks. They’re basically walking stereotypes of what hippies are. Often found playing sitars or mandolins in local coffee shops and spreading the word on how we, as humans, can help preserve our planet. These people terrify me.

Oh Lord, Kumbaya.

The Down-Home Industrious Type: These people are easily compared to the people of the Western and Southern States. Hard working, boot wearing, beer chugging people. They probably have the thickest Canadian accents, using words like “hoser”, “eh”, “canuck” and “aboot”. Usually found in “The Prairies” which include parts of Alberta, Manitoba, and Saskatchewan. I don’t know how to act around these types. I just start giggling at the first sign of a thick Canadian accent.

Rick Moranis and some other guy.

The Trendy Hipsters: Every country has them. Every country except maybe Poland. I can’t picture any Polish hipsters, but what do I know? These types are almost always 30 or younger and are found in and around big cities. Their favorite bands are ones that you haven’t ever heard of. And they buy their clothes from vintage stores in order to make them more unique than the other hipsters. They don’t drink Starbucks or eat at any mainstream restaurants. Quinoa and other next generation foods are consumed by this trendy crew. You wouldn’t understand their lifestyle. And frankly, why would you want to?

He's dressing like this ironically. If you don't understand the irony, then you don't understand life.

The Athletic, Rich, Middle-Aged Cool Cats: These people are the kind of people that the world loves to hate. They win everything, they’re naturally skinny, and they have the newest and best of everything. Basically all the characteristics I would want in a best friend. They’re always biking, or kayaking, or doing other skinny activities. They’re smart, have great jobs, yet they always have tons of time to do cool things. They make up a lot of Canada. For some reason there are tons of cool cats here and I don’t know how I feel about it yet. Too much competition for me.

I can't decide if I hate them or if I want to be them. Can't it be both?

I think that’s a pretty good list. I mean, there’s only so many different types of people here. Most of them include types of people that I hate. Question of the century: Do I have really high standards, or do I just hate the world?


21 thoughts on “Profiling Canadians

  1. AgrippingLife says:

    Each group has something to offer. I don’t think I could hang out with any one of them for more than a few hours at a time. I think my least favorite is the trendy hipster, they just work too hard at trying to be cool.

    Also, I actually like the thicker accents. Something to laugh at?

    • Yeah. I agree about the hipsters. Thick accents are fun/funny. They always make a situation better. You grew up in a time with real hippies, so you should be used to them by now, no? Although, I don’t know if I could ever get used to them.

  2. Rick Moranis sounds like ‘like my anus’.

    All those Canadians you listed sound annoying and bizarre. At my college there was some hippy girl who would start playing her guitar outside the canteen. Silly bint.

    In that last picture, the girl on the right somehow got out of carrying a rucksack. I reckon that’s you, Lily.

    • I think he pronounces it moore-anne-us. But I like your pronunciation better.
      Haha they are really bizarre and only annoying if you talk to them or if they talk to you.
      That’s me alright. It’s from my family trip to Austria. The hills were alive.

  3. Couldn’t having high standards and hating the world be the same thing?

    Aren’t all Polish people dressing like hipsters? I’m sure it’s not as poor of a country as I imagine it to be, but I do (in my head) think most of them wear skinny jeans and goofy hats. Mostly because it’s a cultural tradition and not to try to be trendy.

    There are also lots of Asians in Canada. Seems like a mistake for some reason.

    • I would hope so.
      I always think Polish people are still living in 1945. So I feel like skinny jeans haven’t been invented yet. Or color TV.
      There are! But I decided to not include Asians, Native Americans, or homeless people. There are plenty of those guys.

  4. Some other guy is Dave Thomas. Love this post. I was going to answer 7, but 42 works as well. Take out the words rich and naturally thin, add industrious and down home and that would be the ideal Canuck.

    • Dave Thomas is also the name of the guy who founded Wendy’s. Thanks John! Hah another good answer!
      Yeah, the best of both worlds. There are just so many of those adventure-y types around here that I couldn’t really leave them out!

  5. The worst thing about the hipsters is the stench. Not a smell, not an odeur, a definite stench. So many patchoulis gave up their lives for these people. WHY?

    I hope eventually, you profile the ever hot Mountie. Jus’ call it a suggestion. Wish. Hope. Dream. You choose the word.

    • I think you mean hippies instead of hipsters? Because no one in their right mind would use patchouli besides hippies.
      I’ve already done a post about Mounties! It’s older though…so you would probably have to do some digging!

  6. Are there fixed-gear hipsters up there? Austin has a lot of snobby bike riders. A lot like in Portlandia, the character Fred Armisen plays and yells “I’m riding here! Coming through! Guy on a bike!” type stuff. Anyone not on a bike is lame, and if you’re on a fixed gear, you’re trying to hard because you’re behind on the trend.

    • Totally! There are so many bikers here it makes me nauseous. I’m sure people ride fixed gear here, but I have tried to avoid talking to any bikers because of my burning hatred. I don’t think I would hate them half as much if they rode on the sidewalk. But right next to my car? Forgetaboutit.

      • I like how they roll in Paris. There’s a whole lane just for bikes, away from cars, and separate than the sidewalk. I’d ride my bike everywhere if I didn’t think I’d get run over by cars, people, or hipsters. I’d mosey along with my trailer, toting my kids to some playdate picnic. In a dream world…

  7. Pete Howorth says:

    Wow has it been this long since I last visited your blog, you must think me a terrible person! I can’t believe hippies still exist, how do people even get to be hippies in this day and age? Get a f’n job and stop playing with your stupid guitars in the middle of parks!

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