Food

Mapled Out


Buddy the Elf belongs in Canada.

There’s an abundance of maple flavoring in Canada. It’s cute for a little while, but now it’s scary. I mean, I understand that their national tree is the maple, but ya know what? We have maple trees in the states too. You don’t see us getting excessive.

Let’s start off with the most common maple product: syrup. I’m surprised they even sell Mrs. Butterworth’s or Aunt Jemima here. You’ll get glares for even looking at other syrups. Traditional Canadian maple is the only kind that’s socially acceptable. Being the annoying person that I am, I always go with Aunt Jemima. She just looks so pleased that I’m letting her dress my pancakes and waffles.

The amount of sweets that are available in maple flavor concerns me. Doughnuts, cookies, candies, cereals, pies, coffees, breads, etc. are all mapley. And if anything is shaped in the form of a maple leaf, that’s a tell-tale sign that there’s maple ahead.

Hmm I wonder what these taste like?

The thing that makes me the most uneasy are maple flavored meats. So far I’ve had maple flavored bacon (which is actually quite good) and maple flavored salmon (which I guess is better than regular salmon).

The day that they introduce maple into fast food, is the day that I’m going on a hunger strike.

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20 thoughts on “Mapled Out

  1. AgrippingLife says:

    Haha! This may be the one reason that I should move to Canada, I LOVE MAPLE. Yum! Maple flavored salmon might be were I draw the line, though? Aunt Jemima is like an old friend. I love her! Google old pictures of her if you want to see real racist pics, scarf tied on her head and all. She’s actually come a long way.

    • I actually originally posted a picture of her on this post, but then I figured people might get offended. I ALWAYS find a way to offend! She has come a long way though!
      You would fit in well here. Maple syrup and Curves. Haha

    • Hahah McMaple. I would seriously die. I’m sure you could find maple syrup some where. Canada is part of the Commonwealth after all! You have to support each other!

    • Salmon is wrong. Sometimes it tastes really good, but other times it tastes too fishy. Am I right?
      That’s true! I was thinking about Vermont as I wrote this. I think I might have seen some of their syrup in the grocery stores here. How blasphemous!

  2. Addie says:

    I always loved AJ–she made me want to eat pancakes and WAFFLES! Now, she’s so tidy and blah looking, I just eat bacon, egg and toast sandwiches. They don’t make your fingers stick together.

  3. It sounds like the Canadians are almost forcing it upon themselves so they can try and kid themselves that, yes, maple is truly fantastic and that is why it is their national emblem.

    I reckon that maple is to the Canadians what the Falkland Islands are to the Argies. Indoctrinated and obsessed at a young age.

    Next time you see someone gorging on a maple Mars Bar, go up to them and say “methinks the lady doth protest too much”.

    • I think you’re onto something, Michael. They’re probably trying to normalize their country’s bizarre choice to depict a maple leaf on their flag.
      If I see anyone eating anything maple from now on, I think I’m just going to grab whatever they’re eating out of their mouth and violently throw it to the ground. That’ll teach em.

  4. Maple syrup is good but maple flavoring isn’t. Sometimes I would drink sugar free maple syrup. Just do shots of it. It’s sugar free, that can’t be that bad for you, right?

    I had a maple tree outside my childhood home. Or at least it looked like maple. I always wanted to taste it. I’m amazed how bad maple syrup is for you though. Like two teaspoons is around 200 calories last I checked and loaded with sugar. Despite that, I really want to go to Ihop all of a sudden.

    • Yeah, I agree about the flavoring. It’s usually too sweet for me. I don’t know. I’m so finicky. How are you amazed that maple syrup is bad for you? That’s like saying you’re amazed that chocolate is bad for you. I guess if you think of syrup being a natural product then its kind of surprising. Okay fine.

  5. Eric Murtaugh says:

    Maple flavored bacon sounds really awesome. Does it count when the copious amounts of maple syrup I pour on my pancakes drifts over into the bacon area, thus giving the bacon a mapley flavor?

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