The leather-clad handlebar moustache man is going to haunt my dreams.

Paul and I just joined the YMCA. It’s in an older building so it gives off a slightly ghetto impression, but the equipment is new and they offer a lot of classes so whatever. We worked out this morning successfully and now Paul is going to play squash with a friend. Wtf is squash anyway? More importantly, why is he working out twice today? Psycho.

They refer to the gym here as the YMCA/YWCA. I’ve never heard anyone say “I’m gonna head over to the YWCA.” Why do they have to include women? Why does anyone care that much? Burning questions.

I guess 10 years ago the gym took a vote whether or not to install hot tubs in both the men and women’s locker rooms. The women said they didn’t want one. THANKS A LOT LADIES.

Working out next to random people is so weird. Oh hi, I’m gonna stand next to you and run faster than you and sometimes look over to see if you are paying attention to how great I am at working out. Go away please.

In other news, I literally saw an 80 year old woman doing the rowing machine. She’s probably an X-men. X-man? A mutant.

You know the YMCA song that they play at school dances and bar mitzvahs? I’m pretty sure the Village People had never been to a YMCA because they make it sound like the best thing ever. “There’s a place you can go when you’re short on your dough.” Not true. The YMCA costs “dough”. And you can’t stay there. I’m sure you could in the 70’s or whatever, but now they’ll kick you out at 10pm. That’s no fun.

“They have everything for you there to enjoy you can hang out with all the boys.” They have everything? Do they have a petting zoo? Do they have a roller coaster? Do they have a pizza buffet? I didn’t think so. How old are “all the boys”? I don’t want to hang out with a bunch of 7 year olds and I definitely don’t want to hang out with a bunch of 40 year old men that refer to themselves as boys. *shudder*

“You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal, you can do whatever you feel.” Getting yourself clean is probably the only thing that 70’s YMCA’s have in common with the YMCA’s of today. No “good meals” are ever offered. Unless you consider water a good meal. I can do whatever I feel? I can kick everyone out and have my own personal gym? I don’t think so little black police officer. I don’t think so.

Who do you think is the scariest Village Person?


22 thoughts on “YMCA

  1. Hahaha! Petting zoo!!!

    Let’s just say that next to the biker the cowboy is awfully freaky. Eww!

    I’m pretty sure that back in the day, maybe 60’s and 70’s the YMCA was actually a “hotel” that you could stay or live in? I know, gross, right? I think that’s what the song is referring to, but I could be dead wrong. I just remember a “relative” stayed there one time when he was down on his luck. I think it was an inexpensive, nice word for cheap, place to stay.

    I think applying these lyrics to the gym is way funnier.

    • The cowboy is really frightening. Yeah, I knew that people used to stay there, but I just have no idea why. Also, please tell me which family member stayed at the YMCA so I can severely judge him/her.

    • I know what you’re talking about! They would spit out that black tar stuff. He looks like he’s an actual Indian that’s been cryogenically preserved and brought back during the 70’s.

  2. Have you seen The Royal Tenenbaums? Royal stays in one after Etheline kicked him out of the house for faking cancer. I don’t think he and Pagoda had enough money to stay though. It’s been too long since I’ve seen it! One of my favs. Top 3 even. Well, Wes Anderson’s movies occupy all of my top movie spots.

    I went to the YMCA this past summer because my friends’ had a pass. You can bring friends for free! How fun is that? For the friends. They have a really amazing pool slash water park. At least in Austin, anyways.

    • I faintly remember that! I haven’t watched the Royal Tenenbaums in forever. I like Wes Anderson films but they never amaze me. I like Rushmore the best. And Fantastic Mr. Fox.
      I only have 3 guest passes for the whole year! Ours doesn’t have an amazing water park…I’m slightly jealous!

  3. YMCA used to be the only gym around it seemed. At least the only family friendly one. At least there always seems to be so much else to do. I haven’t been in years. The last time I was some 25 year old (I was maybe 16) got really pissed because I was on his basketball team and kept missing shots. He was 6’5, in shape, and black. And he had glasses! I wasn’t any of those things plus I had no special eyewear.

    Scariest one is definitely the Native American. I didn’t even know being the chief of an Indian tribe was a blue collar job.

    • I have had similar basketball experiences. I’m awful. When people depend on me to make shots, its just not gonna happen.
      I don’t know. The Native American doesn’t scare me as much. Maybe because I can see his nipple. Haha I think being a chief is a no collar job.

  4. I’ve been a member of “the Y” for years. It’s the perfect place for families. Love your Village People comment – so funny, but oh-so-true. Daniel Cook (from TVO) did visit our Y though – and that info’s pretty much only exciting to locals under the age of 10!

Comments are great, eh?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s