Artwork, School


Saint Looney Toons

Volunteering has to be the worst idea that man kind has come up with. No sane mortal would’ve thought work without pay was a good concept. There must have been a saint of volunteering. Saint Lunatic, perhaps.

Since I’m not a Canadian citizen I can’t actually get a “real” job. Which is fine by me. I’m one of those rare people that doesn’t mind being jobless. I totally didn’t understand why the 99% at Occupy Everywhere weren’t celebrating their awesome luck. No jobs = no worries. Right?

In order to improve my resume, I’ve decided to do some volunteering work. Being an experienced volunteer, I know one or two things about working for absolutely no money.

Never get your hopes up. Unless you’re volunteering at a soup kitchen, no one actually knows that you’re a volunteer. Most people will assume that you’re a paid employee. So basically everyone will treat you like crap.

You won’t get a sense of pride or accomplishment. I’ve never been proud of myself whilst volunteering. If anything, I’m counting down the minutes before I get to go home. Let me tell you, its a challenge for me to smile, pretend like I had a great time and walk nonchalantly to the door. My first reaction would be to grab my stuff, sprint to the door and say “peace out mutha…” Well, you get it.

However, volunteering looks amazing on your resume. Maybe “amazing” isn’t the right word. Some people wonder why I’ve ONLY done volunteer work and childcare. Sorry I’m so Christ-like.

I’m going to volunteer at a museum. Since I have a history degree it kind of works. I’ve volunteered at a tiny art gallery and also at an Archaeological Trust. At the art gallery I literally stood around for 4 hours every Tuesday afternoon. At the Archaeological Trust I cleaned artifacts and learned how to properly spell Archaeology. Jk I used spell check.


23 thoughts on “Volunteering

  1. Marya says:

    Lils, you did it again. Took the words right out of my mouth. I grew up with a mother who volunteered so much that I hate volunteering. When my father took an early retirement @ age 57, my mother told him he needed to volunteer at the local chamber of commerce. The secretary in the front office, told Poppa that he was stapling the forms in the wrong direction. Poppa stood up, looked straight into the secretary’s eyes and said, “You are not paying me enough to be treating me like this. I’m through.” No more volunteering at the local chamber of commerce for Poppa. A few years back, he tried tutoring at the local jail. (The jail’s name? Purgatory.) He was told in direct terms to NOT fraternize with the inmates. Rules don’t apply to my father. His first day, he was seen by the warden giving “knuckles” to an inmate and asking him, “so what are you in here for?” It’s been three years and Purgatory hasn’t invited my father back to “tutor the inmates.”

    You see, volunteering means making up your own rules. I agree whole-heartedly with my father. When you aren’t being paid, you should be capt’n of your ship. But when you volunteer, you are treated like crap.

    • I would have done the same thing as old pops. How can you go to prison and NOT talk to the inmates? They were just setting him up for an impossible task.
      Early retirement sounds amazing.

  2. The only volunteering I’ve…enjoyed…was when I organized a couple of work days on my nearby park. And even that was slightly selfish, because I wanted to go there with EB and it needed some help. But everyone is a volunteer there. And most of them were my friends giving me the stink eye for roping them into installing plants and raking mulch. I didn’t even get the accolades from the neighbors because they just assumed the city did the work. I at least want some recognition! I did something for free!

  3. I used to be in the Scouts so did plenty of ‘volunteering’ type stuff.

    One of the most bizarre things was when we had a recycling craze. We were given a small magnet and a yellow bag that had the recycling logo on it. It was biodegradable and so had a weird texture to it. We were told that we should go out and collect recyclable aluminium cans and bring them back. In our own free time.

    Me and some friends did this quite regularly. God knows why.

    • Yeah I did some volunteering stuff with my church and I always wondered, why am I doing this? I think as children we didn’t realize how boring and stupid volunteering was until it was too late. 😦

  4. AgrippingLife says:

    OMG! Too many funny things in this for me to recount but I’ll try…!
    Saint Lunatic aka Looney Toons! perfect picture! So great.
    “Sprint to the door and say, peace out mutha…” I know this feeling well. I’m a major clock watcher. And, “Sorry, I’m so Christ-like.” That sums you up I think. I think a lot of people mistake you for Jesus.
    The last line… Haha!
    Great job! Too bad this can’t be your REAL job, eh?

  5. Maybe volunteering is seen as good because most people who do it must have good time management skills in order to do so? Not you of course. You’re just lazy and in need of some sort of social interaction. But they don’t need to know that.

    • Maybe. People who work 9-5 and then volunteer on the weekend have to be on drugs. Or have absolutely no friends.
      Why do you know my life so well? No one needs to know that. I don’t even need to know that.

  6. pops says:

    one of the most effortlessly funny posts i’ve ever read (of yours or anybody else’s)–you did a great job on this one–you made me simultaneously very proud and slightly ashamed (which felt really amazing, actually)–keep up the good/bad work!

  7. “Since I’m not a Canadian citizen I can’t actually get a “real” job.”
    Speaking as a Canadian citizen with a “real job”, you’re not missing ANYTHING, Lily!

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