Blake Lively, prepare to enter a world of hate.

Ryan could have told Blake that her hat choice makes her look like an alien. But he didn't. Atta boy.

For some reason one of my favorite Canadian men enjoys playing with my heart. As I was flipping through the bible aka People Magazine I saw something so disturbing. Cozy in Canada: “Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds take their budding romance north of the border to the actor’s hometown. Vancouver, December 21st.”

First of all, Ry Ry is clearly trying to get my attention. Bringing Blake to Vancouver is such an act of desperation. He was obviously trying to scare her off by showing her his Canadian roots. Clearly, she took note from my blog by dressing the part of the city she visited. Bag lady chic is ALL THE RAGE right now, Blake. I think Ry is holding her hand in the picture because he didn’t want to accidently lose her and then be forced into American prison where I might never see him again. Smooth move.

I almost feel like I can relate to ScarJo right now. And by almost, I mean thank goodness I’ve never had rebound relationship with Sean Penn. Sick.

The Green Lantern co-stars apparently went shopping for cupcakes and clothes. Is Ryan Blake’s puppy? This outing seems abusive. Speaking of The Green Lantern, did anyone actually see it? For some reason I skipped that one. Let’s check Blake Lively’s repertoire, shall we? Remember, she’s an award winning actress (I think she won a Kid’s Choice Award. That’s the award shaped like a surfboard. Cute.):

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 1 AND 2: A very unrealistic story about Blake Lively and America Ferrera being able to wear the same jeans.

Gossip Girl: A TV show about Leighton Meester’s character hating Blake Lively’s character. I approve of this show.

The Town: A movie where Ben Affleck wears a nun mask and robs banks. Blake Lively plays herself.

The Green Lantern: A story about a mediocre super hero (sorry Ryan) that wears a magic ring. Blake Lively plays a girl named Carol. Yes, Carol. Also, Peter Saarsgaard plays the bad guy. Surprise, surprise.

I’m sure Ryan thinks that he’s triggering my sensitivities, but puh-leeze! Blake is just going to break his heart the same way ScarJo did. He’ll come crawling back to me soon.


26 thoughts on “Blake Lively, prepare to enter a world of hate.

  1. Addie (Adair) says:

    I went as far as watching the trailer for Green Lantern. Does that count for anything? Lily in Canada, we all know you’d take on Blake and win just in the stinkeye competition, not to mention the finger snap and of course in the “Really?” portion of the entire encounter. Look at her–she’s short, she’s not going to age well (think Velveeta to your Stilton) and, when Ryan (I just can’t call him RyRy–I’m not hip enough) is done with her, well, he’ll come crawling back.

    Of course, at that point, there will be Paul. His presence will allow you to sneer at Ryan as he crawls and begs, and you hand him the recycles to take down for you, as you close the door–knowing the Sasquatch woman down the hall is waiting to grab him.

    • I’m going to ignore the fact that you just compared me to Stilton cheese. But, I’m desperate for comps, so I will take it!
      That’s true. I do have a cute Canadian man already. Does that make me greedy? Don’t answer that.

      • Addie (Adair) says:

        A nice Stilton with blueberries is delish! And, unique!! There is nothing classy about Velveeta. “Oh, Your Majesty, what might I serve you?” “Do you have any Velveeta?”

        Yeah, not going to happen.

        Does that make you greedy? Well–oops! Almost answered.

  2. Lisa says:

    Sisterhood of the traveling pants might be the pinnacle of Blake’s career. She’d be lucky to hitch a ride on Ryan’s talent, although let’s be honest…he’s not gonna be up for an Oscar anytime soon. But he COULD win some sort of prize for being super cute.

    • He could definitely win the super cute prize. I feel like Blake’s career is going to be one of those bad reoccurring dreams. She’s going to haunt us for a while.

  3. Janna says:

    Lily….totally been watching Gossip Girl lately..for the second time around, obviously. I am no Gossip Girl virgin. Blake Lively totally reminds me of you for some reason. I have been meaning to tell you that, and how random, you totally brought her up in your blog. We are obvs still soul sistas fo life.

    • Haha of course we are soul sistas fo lyfe! That’s so funny that she reminds you of me…! Maybe I should stop hatin on here since its like hatin on myself! Haha. She seems more well kemp than me for some reason. Does that mean that youre Blair? Yes.

      • Janna says:

        ha ha ha. I suppose I am Blair. The brains of the operation usually. Except I’m not a psycho bitch and spend my time plotting for fun. Although I feel like I would enjoy the upper east side. I would totally rock that and I would thoroughly enjoy a Russian maid.

  4. Blake is a daft name for a girl. Ry Ry is definitely trying to get your attention because Lily is a perfectly good girl’s name. You are bang on the ball here.

    I quite like this post as it seamlessly wanders between semi-unrelated topics with ease. Well done.

    • Haha thanks Michael! Lily is a great girls name, if I do say so myself. But it’s becoming insanely popular which makes me sad. Although Michael is probably the most popular guys name of all time.

  5. I watched a bad copy of Green Lantern over here- It will definitely appeal to YOU visually whenever he is onscreen in the tight green spandex, but a weak story (or screenplay, whatever the industry term is). As a comic book fan growing up (not of Green Lantern), I went in with an open mind but could not stay to the end.

    • Yeah it seemed awful. Peter Sarsgaards makeup alone turned me off from it. I like most marvel comic book stories that have been translated to the big screen, but for some reason Thor and Iron Man didn’t impress me either. I’m more of an X-Men kind of gal.

  6. Did you ever see Buried with Ryan Reynolds? That’s a really tense movie. My sister loves him and was disappointed because you barely get to see his abs. The whole movie takes place inside a coffin.

    You sound like you don’t like this Blake character. What would you do to her if locked in a room, nobody watching?

    • I saw Buried on an airplane, which is kind of weird. But yeah I liked that one a lot! I was thinking about showing it to my mom.
      If I had Blake in a room, I would probably just ask to borrow all of her clothes and then kick her in the head a couple of times.

  7. Do you not love GG? I feel like Serena is great for reminding me how good I am at life and how big of a whore a COULD be but am not. I’m sure Ryan finds it entertaining, nothing more.

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