Here's a picture of a sad little clown girl to represent my emotions.

If you’ve never been separated from a loved one, consider yourself lucky. It seriously stinks. Paul left to go back home to Canada today. I figured it would be worthwhile to stay at my parent’s house a little longer so I could have some quality family time and so I could “help out” (whatever that means). Basically it was my idea to stay longer. It sounded like a good idea at the time.

I don’t know if you have seen the movie, Like Crazy, but it seems like a similar situation. I actually didn’t get a chance to see it, but I know it’s about two people who want to be together but they can’t. Obviously Paul and I can be together since we’re married, but I remember a time when we wouldn’t see each other for the entire summer and then we would reunite for the entire school year and then separate again. It’s rough. Especially when you have to deal with only being in a country for a certain amount of time (which I believe the movie focuses on). Like Crazy is the worst title, by the way. Like. Crazy. Just no.

Its a weird feeling: wanting to be in a certain place but also wanting to be somewhere else. I want to be home. I want to be with my family. But I also want to be with Paul in our little home. I guess I should just focus on the good things that I have here, because once I go back to Canada, I won’t be able to have them.

Why is life full of so many choices? Why does it have to be this or that? I mean, I have been very lucky in life. I shouldn’t complain about missing someone that I will end up seeing in 2 weeks. It’s just hard.

Have you guys ever had a situation where you missed someone so much that it hurt not being with them? Am I over-dramatic? Yes. But seriously, answer the question and make me feel better.


31 thoughts on “Separation

  1. My girlfriend went to school an hour away from where I lived so I moved to be closer. Thing is, she lives 2 hours away now when she’s not in school. So I get this in a way.

    For me it’s more that people want me in more places than I want to be. Not that I’m popular or anything. I wish I had a clone that I could send to the places I wanted to be at less. Or maybe I could be an ameba who separates from itself and can be in those two places at once. Or have the ability to stretch really far? I need to think of some possible solutions.

    But yes, enjoy the family time you have. You’ve got a long Canadian Winter ahead of you full of husband and marshmallow time.

    • I totally know what you mean. Its hard to be loved by so many! But yeah, I wish I could be two places at once, or just have all of my loved ones in one place. Thanks for the kind words, Moosey.
      I have been slow on reading and commenting on your page…I have more free time now! Sorry about that!

      • I have been slow as well. Between holidays and having people at work actually bothering me I haven’t had the time to check out as many people’s posts as I would like. Your is one of my favorites so I always try to make it a priority.

        Awww, I’m so sweet.

  2. Lisa says:

    Two weeks gives you enough time to figuratively recharge your American batteries or fill your American well or just do American things. Let’s see, you can visit your friends, get a mani-pedi, go to the tanning place, eat delicious American franchise food, watch all the Real Housewives eps and the Kardashes, drive around on familiar roads, and just generally feel great about being an American in America. At the same time you have a lucky two week break from hockey games! Relax and enjoy time with your fam. We love and miss you when you’re not home : (

    • Yeah its easy to be home and love all the good things. I’ve been looking forward to it since November! Its not that I don’t want all those great things that home has to offer, I just want Paul too. I want it all!

  3. I could say, “What a wonderful reunion you will have with Paul!!”, but, that doesn’t help much. I could say, “Look at the extra time you will have with your parents and family and they will cuddle and spoil you because they don’t want you to become the creepy clown girl!!”, but, except for the excellent advice to walk away from the clown look, that doesn’t help much either. So, weep all you want, Lily in Canada, and miss him and understand what you have is wondrous and beautiful and the pain you feel missing him would be welcomed by some. We all want a person waiting for us at the arrival gate, even if they are part of a T-Mobile flashmob commercial.

    Yes, I watched Love Actually again. I blame Marya.

    • Hah true! That is a better way of looking at things! I need to appreciate this time in my life when people actually want to be around me….who knows, in a couple years I might be on everyone’s nerves!
      Love Actually is so cheesy and good. I approve.

  4. Remember, too, it doesn’t have to be two weeks. I’ve heard rumors that you can go to Canookia by ways other than dog sled. You call a number, and they put you on a machine that flies through the air!! I swear!! Read ‘Mrs. Mike’ on the way, its an old book my Aunt had that I read. It’s a biography, but, it is very good and is about your adopted land in the early 1900’s.

  5. Lisa says:

    Fret not, Lils, you’ll make it through. I’ve been in many, many situations before where I’ve not been able to see girlfriends or people I’m with for a long time (even though, yes, I did get myself into those situations in the first place (I have a ‘thing’ for those who are just out of reach and/or are wholly unobtainable, much to my depressing demise)). Two weeks should fly by, though, especially being here with the family and all, we love you very much and are really happy that you’ve found such a good husband and partner in Paul. Think about how good it will be to see him again, and be comforted in the fact that you’ll be taking a one-way journey — so many people everyday deal with the pain of only being able to see who they long to be with for such a limited time, having to return from whence they came after the brief time they’re allotted with their loved one(s) — your life with Paul is now one of certainty. You’ll be just fine.

  6. PMO says:

    Hello my cute little blogger!

    It was sad to leave the love of my life yesterday even if only for a fortnight (two weeks for those lucky enough to have never lived in the UK). Our cozy little abode is just as we left it, though it feels a bit empty without you and the fridge is lacking in the food department.

    Thank you for such a great Christmas and for being the best wife/friend a little Canadian guy could ask for.



    • Hey cute little guy! Don’t you feel honored to be the subject of my post? You’re the best. I can’t help but miss you. You’re obviously the best husband a gal could ask for.
      I miss you!



      • Oh my word!! I am green with envy!! Now, I totally want to be adopted, so much so, I’d even wear the clown make-up. Okay, I lied there, but, yes, adoption!

  7. Marya says:

    Hi Friends…Lily…I don’t don’t know what to say to you…the fact that you miss Paul means that you love him. The fact that that you like being home…means you have a great family. Currently, it’s just me and Elizabeth right now…Craig took the other three to Minneapolis for a few days to see his sister…I don’t miss them. I went on a 3 1/2 week 1/2 way around the world cruise with my dad about 10 years ago and missed my 16 month old son’s first steps…didn’t miss a thing. Happy to be tanning for three days on the “Lido Deck” in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean between Africa and South America. Oh believe me, I paid for my “not missing my family feelings” big time when I returned home. My point? YOU…YOU…Lily in Canada…give it your ALL with emotion and love…you are, simply put…THE BEST! You are “present” with everything you do. You were born with the gift that everyone wants to be with Lily in Canada. I realized that the reason i don’t miss my family when I am away is because I am giving it my ALL when I am with them…driving down a familiar road by yourself is a good thing…because you are such a good thing!

  8. kkkkrissy says:

    With all the activities you and I can plan and cancel, the time will fly!! lolz
    In all seriosness, and not to be depressing, I’ll be waiting the rest of my life for that reunion. Sometimes I feel like I can’t hold out any longer, but I know someday the time will be here, and the joy will be like nothing I have ever known. In the meantime, I have to live in the now and try to enjoy all of the blessings that surround me. You are so blessed to have so many wonderful options and people in your life that love you and that you love. Although painful, a separation can be so romantic and a beautiful confirmation of your love for Paul and the fact that you enjoy your little life together so much. Someday when you are an old married woman, you may be jumping up and down when your husband leaves on a business trip (ask your mom, she’ll explain) Hopefully, that day will never come for you!! Anyway, hang in there and count your blessings lucky Lil! ❤

      • kkkkrissy says:

        I meant that the day never comes when you are happy to see your hubby get on a plane… just being a bit of a cynic and not very good at it. I shouldn’t have even mentioned it. This is a beautiful time in your life and you should enjoy every minute… I’m glad you are surrounded by so many good things and good people, it really shows. You and Paul looked so happy and cute together on Christmas Eve!

  9. It’s not for too long, so maybe, very maybe you can try to get over it for a very short while. Am I being insensitive? I don’t mean to. Remember you’ll see him again, which is very good.
    Oh, and choices are hell.

  10. Oh, I have totes pined away during the winter break from school. I hunted my bf down and took a 6 hr bus ride (buses are the worst way to get somewhere you are used to driving in half the time) and stayed with him and his dad for 2 weeks. We broke up by the time we went back to school.

    That is a terrible example, but my lesson is thus: sometimes that exquisite pain makes you appreciate your significant other that much more.

    A better example is when I went to poetry camp for 2 weeks (The Jack Kerouac School of Disembodied Poetics…hmmm…this needs to be a future post for me), I missed my future-Hubs so much that I ended up writing all of my poems about him. It was wonderful to see him again, show him what I wrote, and talk about all the hippies I hung out with.

    • Aww hah thats a great story. The things we do for love, eh? I love that you went to poetry camp and wrote a bunch of love poems! Make sure you keep them for EB and the future kiddies to see! Such a sweet memory.

  11. Awww, poor Lilly. You can try and take comfort in the fact that as you are missing him so much, it means you have a special relationship ready to be reunited when you get back together.

    By the way I like the way you sometimes throw in a little bit at the end of your posts that is basically ‘I want attention, I want you to make me laugh and I want it NOW’.

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