Judging

Judgement Day


If you haven’t noticed, judging is one of my favorite pastimes. Sometimes I just can’t help it. If I’m in a location where there’s abundant people-watching, I’m not going to look down at my soda and pretend nothing is happening. Some of my fondest memories have occurred on park benches just observing others. And then making fun of them in one way or another. Not to their faces obviously, that’s way too gutsy. And cruel. But, I guess you’ve gotta be cruel to be kind (in the right measure).

When Paul and I were at the hockey game, we were looking around our area, checkin’ out what kind of motley crew we had to deal with for an hour or so. We made a great sighting. There was this guy, a couple rows in front of us, who had 9 fingers. Fingers are so precious. Could you imagine missing one? It was the ring finger on his left hand. So I guess technically it doesn’t get that much use. Unless you’re married. But I have to wonder how he lost it. I thought about going up to him and asking “Hey mister, how’d you lose your finger?” but then there’s the chance of being judged by the person that you were judging, and that’s just the worst. So I just continued to glance over nonchalantly for the rest of the game. If I had to guess, I would say that he lost it in some kind of shop class. But then how would he still have his pinky? Either shop class or gangrene.

I was walking around the other day, just minding my own business, and then I saw I guy with a fanny pack. I don’t even like to see girls wear fanny packs. I used to have this roommate from Maui and she always wore a fanny pack but she made it look so cool. I think she wore it ironically though, and at that time I didn’t really understand the beginning of hipsters. I just thought she was being cool and unique. Now she’s a lesbian I think. Ahh so cool! Anyway, guys that wear fanny packs are weird. Just don’t. Carry a man-purse or something. Fanny packs just add extra girth to you. I remember when I was at Disney World in the late 90’s, I wore a fanny pack with a tamagaochi key chained to it. Stylin!

Lastly, at the mall I saw what I thought was a man with a mullet holding a baby. It was a woman. Women should not have mullets. Kind of like how men should not wear fanny packs. More importantly, women with mullets should not breed. Poor little future mullet-ed baby. There are so many ways to cut your hair. Or just go into a salon where you will guaranteed not walk out with business in the front and a party in the back. Yikes.

Stuff like this makes the idea of not leaving my house sound so amazing.

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20 thoughts on “Judgement Day

  1. I’ve had this idea in my head for years now. There’s something about missing fingers that really bugs humans. If he was missing a leg you’d think “oh he was probably in a car accident” but missing the finger our minds (at least mine) goes to thinking “oh he probably cut it off in an act of rage during an argument with a loved one.” Maybe being freaked out by hand stuff is because hands are the things we’ll most likely have to touch of someone else?

    And fanny-packs I think were popular among jocks in the 1980s. I know I’ve seen some pictures of body builders wearing them. No clue why I was looking up pictures of body builders in fanny-packs. (and shouldn’t they be above your butt if they have fanny in the name?)

    • Yeah missing a finger is just so unnatural. Especially just one. If your whole hand was missing then it would seem better in a way. I think?
      And yes, fanny packs should be above your butt. Recently I have always seen them positioned to the front. Although, in England they refer to lady parts as a fanny. Which would always freak me out. So I guess it could go both ways?

  2. In May, I was in Paris with a few friends and we just had to judge. You’re defenitely not the only one. We sat down at the edge of a fountain and made categories: beautiful people and absolutely-defenitely-not-beautiful-people.

  3. That was very well spotted with noticing a missing finger like that. It does make you do a double-take though.

    I remember when I used to get the bus to school there was sometimes a podgy man with a weird face and a fat bottom lip who would wear a black leather bumbag/fanny pack. I was about 12 at the time and I avoided him like he was a paedophile carrying the plague around with him.

    I judge people quite badly as well. We had a new guy start at work and the moment I saw him I knew he was a real weird, dorky bloke. A few weeks later he was offered a chocolate sweet from a tin of Quality Street. He declined the offer and launched into a moan about how Cadbury’s output was “tasteably different” since they were taken over by Kraft.

    Excuse my language everyone but fuck me what a cunt.

    • Yeah seriously, who denies Quality Street?! Glad it’s not me who judges. Its hard not to. I am sure people judge me too. But for some reason I just accept it as a fact of life. The guy at the bus stop sounds like Quasimodo.

  4. Lisa says:

    How perfect is that picture you found to illustrate judging?! Paris Hilton’s face has judge written all over it. I think there’s a difference between making an observation, like the missing finger guy and judging, like the mullet woman. Judging implies that you’re putting a value on the person. The missing finger guy was neither good nor bad (was he?) where as the mullet woman was white trash. And so ends my scholarly report. Haha!

  5. Adair says:

    I babysat for this couple and the guy had lost his middle finger in a tragic snowblower accident. Hint: don’t try to unclog a snowblower while it’s still running. I found it most amusing when he would get mad while driving, and try and flip another driver off. Yeah, the whole having an empty space between two bent fingers was such a lame insult. Thing is, he never stopped trying. That is a great visual aid, btw. They both look judgemental and hungry.

    Toma

  6. Sammy says:

    Its obvious to me that nine-finger Norman is a cheating bastard. His wife, ten-finger Tina is a revengeful lady and snuck in and cut his wedding ring, finger and all, off while he was sleeping when she found out. Therefore, Norman deserves all judgement based on his lack of finger.

    I spend ALOT of time on the road driving to horse shows so this is the game I play. People watching those in the cars around me and making up stories about their sad lives. It’s also a good confidence boost. Ha

  7. I start to believe that WordPress people share one mind. Seriously.
    Maybe the man lost his finger due to a ring. There are plenty of cruel ways to do that.
    And judging is just great. As long as they don’t know, it won’t harm, will it?

  8. Marya says:

    The business in the front…party in the back… explanation of a MULLET is priceless. People with mullets shouldn’t be allowed to vote, have babies or own a pair a scissors.

    That said…my father-in-law lost his index finger due to a “shop” accident in his garage. (Sawed it right off) It went flying to an undisclosed location. The next day, my sister-in-law found the finger in a cup of nails high on a shelf, in the garage. My mother-in-law has lovingly wrapped the finger in plastic and it is in their garage freezer. She will always have a piece of him…

    I’m such a “I’ll-size-you-up-in-one-minute-gal” that lately, I’ve been ditching some holiday parties because my Judge-o-Meter will be on full tilt and it’s just too much unChristmas-like behavior at this time of year. (HA!) I’m with Lily and Adair on this one…maybe we should just stay inside? I ditched a holiday party on Friday night…I knew it was going to be a “weird fest” and found out from my “mole/reliable informant” that the hostess and her new-best-friend started to wrestle in their holiday frocks and frills in the living room. ‘nuf said.

  9. Lisa says:

    Seriously? I had no idea you were a “I’ll size you up in one minute” sort of gal? LOL!
    I’ve never known your judge o meter to be anything but on full tilt, Marya. This is who you are on a cellular level and why you rock my world. This is also why you must consider having your own judgy blog. Your readers await…. (I’m just glad that you love me so I never have to be examined too closely.)

  10. Marya says:

    I never judge people who judge other people. If you are self-deprecating and honest…you’ll never hear a judgmental word out of me…no never…Lisa, even if you had a mullet, I wouldn’t judge you because I know you would say something funny about it and move on. Maybe, in my advanced age, I must be around self-deprecating, honest people…or else!

  11. Becoming Bitter says:

    Missing fingers or fanny packs don’t bother me, but men wearing pink bother the crap out of me. To me it is not being manly, but gay (not the fun kind just to clarity).

  12. Marya says:

    You are all too nice…maybe I will blog…and when I do…I want you to be my first guests. Andy by the way…my teenage daughter had to explain and then re-explain the whole Twitter “hashtag” (#) thing to me today. I am so dazed and confused. I found out that if you #### a lot you are basically considered an idiot…a poser…a wannabe…I still don’t get it….###

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