Possible Best Headline Ever?

When life was good.

A couple of weeks ago I was skimming through Victoria’s main news source, The Times Colonist. I always want to call it the Times Columnist, which makes a lot more sense to me. Like, why are they putting so much focus on being colonized? It’s kind of embarrassing. And I’m pretty sure a colonial man or woman would not be up to date on all of the latest, breaking news.  BUT OKAY.

I came across an article that was called “Victoria deer debate: ‘No one wants to kill Bambi’s mom’. Apparently the deer population here is around 50,000 and people are getting angry because the deer are doing deer-like things. Nothing gets people more mad than when a deer eats the tops of their flowers. Maybe the deer are trying to be artsy. It looks kind of cool with only the stems poking up from the soil.

Also, there are a lot of complaints of people hitting deer on “roads and highways”. Compared to hitting them on sidewalks? Or in the sky? It’s nice that people are able to complain after hitting a deer. The deer should be the one complaining, after all, he’s the one that’s dead. Does the person that accidentally hits a biker with his car complain, or does he say “ohmigosh what can I do to help?!?!” Why don’t we ever take the deer’s feelings into consideration?

I think the Times Colonist was smart to compare this troublesome issue to a deer that we all know and love. Bambi had a pretty good life, a loving mother, and a harsh father–they had to make it realistic. And we all know that the mean hunter shoots Bambi’s mom. Who would want to be that hunter?! Disney basically conditioned us as kids to never kill deer. So if you end up hitting one with your car, you will automatically be the opposite of all things magical–Satan’s accomplice.


To my loyal readers

I never get nominated for anything. No trophies, no ribbons (my life is a joke). Only a college degree in History. And if I can get a degree in History, basically your dog can get a degree in it as well.

I am SO excited that my blog has been nominated for a Liebster Blog Award! I am just trying to make my way in the world/interwebsphere. I feel so appreciated. I have to thank the lovely, Random Female Blog for nominating me and for being so random and female. Your short and sweet entries truly make me happy.

To follow the rules and to truly be awarded, I have to nominate other blogs that I think are great.

Mooselicker – A guy who lives in NJ, with a plethora of hilarious posts. I’m pretty sure he’s my spirit animal.

Michael Cargill – Sir, my blog is a better place because of you! A blog full of personas, horoscopes, and my personal favorite, Nurse Ratched.

Rage Laugh – A guy named Tony (I didn’t realize people still had that name) who rants and will make you laugh. And he also likes Louis C.K. Bonus points.

Sparklebumps – A relatable gal from Minnesota that makes me chuckle.


Thanks again for reading my ramblings!

victoria b.c.

The Empress

I like the strategically placed carriage. Look how charming we are!

The Fairmont Empress is the oldest and prettiest hotel in Victoria. It has really beautiful ivy growing on it that makes the hotel look like some kind of castle. And in the fall the ivy turns bright red and it looks like the building is bleeding. It’s a pretty classy joint. I just wouldn’t recommend staying there.

When my mom and I visited Victoria for the first time, we were booked to stay at the Empress. It has a great location, right in front of the downtown harbor (and I am a sucker for harbors). After we checked in, we went down many a hallway to get to our room. When we finally got there, we got to our room and it smelled kind of like old people death. So we kind of sat there for a second and realized that the room was pretty warm too. We asked if the AC was working and the concierge told us that they didn’t have AC, but we could put a bucket of ice in front of a fan. “Hmm I’m sorry, we can do what with what?!” What kind of medieval suggestion is that? I would rather have someone fan me and feed me grapes than set up a fan with ice in front of it. But I digress.

There are a couple of really cool spots in the hotel. They’re really famous for their tea room which faces the harbor. Afternoon tea and scones are held there every day for a quick $60 a seat. King George VI and Queen Elizabeth have attended a luncheon (aka had lunch) in the tea room.

Also, the Empress has a luxurious spot called the Bengal Lounge. Apparently the lounge is supposed to have drawn “inspiration from Queen Victoria’s role as the Empress of India.” This is my favorite room in the whole place because it has that I-have-slaves-feel. Plus, they have a curry lunch and dinner buffet. Any place that offers a buffet is my new favorite place.

You would think they would have chosen a bengal tiger statue...but nope. Jaguar.

victoria b.c.

The Motherland

Looks a little too much like England.

Canada still maintains a lot of its British roots. I guess since they’re part of the Commonwealth Canada feels the need to celebrate their British-ness all the time. But why would you want to be proud of being colonized? I think England tried to turn it into a good thing–“Hey guys, remember when we totally took over your country? Well, now you get to be a part of our cool Commonwealth club! But don’t be fooled by the name, you won’t become wealthy for joining.”

Canada only became independent in 1981. 1981. Ummmm. But it’s weird because England still adores Canada. Whereas when everyone fled to the US (in 1607) to gain independence, England pretty much disowned us. Well, we disowned ourselves. But still, in Buckingham Palace, there’s a Commonwealth display and Canada’s as prominent and totem-poley as ever. They also have a huge “Canada Gate” outside of the Palace, and a memorial statue with maple leaves on it in Green Park. Its like, OKAY WE GET IT, CANADA IS YOUR LOVER.

Apparently, Victoria has the most British influence out of all the Canadian cities. This doesn’t surprise me. They love fish and chips here. LOVE. I wish they would just refer to them as fish and fries to make it less traditional. But nope. They also have lots of pubs. I actually prefer pubs to bars, but I’m still not okay with it.

There is a lack of 1 dollar bills here. And by lack, I mean they don’t exist. They use equivalents to the 1 pound and 2 pound coins. And trust me, they will weigh you down. It’s pretty obnoxsh.

At lets not forget how they spell certain words. They include the unnecessary “u” in colour, favourite, savour, etc. Why make words longer and more creepy?

Oh and they don’t have presidents. They have Prime Ministers much like their motherland. And Parliament buildings (which I guess means they have a Parliament?).

What really makes me think that they are trying way too hard is that they have double-decker buses. It’s like, really?

Oh, and it rains a lot. So even their weather is a copy.

Remember when Will and Kate did their Canadian Tour and they thought Canada was so cool? That was weird. Who are they trying to fool? Kate had some good outfits, but it didn’t salvage the fact that she had to spend a week here. She seemed like she didn’t get the big deal about Canada either. I’m pretty sure we’re soul mates.

When it comes down to it, I think Canada needs to decide if they’re their own “independent” country or if they’re a mini-England (not geographically speaking, obvs). Canada needs to just be Canada and embrace all of the weird things that they do. When you start taking someone else’s traditions and characteristics then you lose your own distinction. Get with the program, Canada.

Food, Stores

Tim Horton’s

Always Fresh? Pretty sure that's a lie.

All Americans know that Dunkin Donuts is one of the establishments that keeps our country happy. Without it there would be more untimely deaths, the crime rate would skyrocket, and the apocalypse probably would have happened by now. So, the way I see it is that Dunkin Donuts keeps us happy AND healthy alive.

In Canada (or the C-word) they don’t have Dunkin Donuts. They have Tim Horton’s. Its basically the same thing. But its not because its called Tim Horton’s. First thoughts: Who is this guy? He would sound more professional if he called himself Timothy. The only other Horton I know is Horton Hears a Who, so unless there is an elephant in the back making these donuts, I’m unimpressed.

The gross part is that people refer to it as Timmy Ho’s. I feel like those people probably can’t even afford donuts, so they shouldn’t even be talking about it.

Oh wait. The other gross part is that their company colors are red and brown–kind of like blood and feces. Sooooooooooyeah.

Dunkin Donuts was established in 1950 whereas Tim Horton’s started his biznastyness in 1964. And then he died in a car crash in 1974. So between you and me, he was a copycat and an alcoholic. I’m not saying the crash was his fault, but back then everyone was an alcoholic, so its a safe assumption. Especially if you lived in Canada in the 60’s. Tim Horton’s best friends were probably woodland creatures and booze.

Ugh just found out that Cold Stone is partners with Tim Hortons. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to boycott Cold Stone because of this info. Marble Slab anyone? Plus, Marble Slab just sounds fancier than Cold Stone. I’d rather have my ice cream on marble, thank you.


Norway House

Being Norwegian, I am proud of my heritage. It’s pretty much the best when you know that your ancestors were the bullies of the archaic world. I think I would have made my forefathers proud in that I carry all of the characteristics of a true Norwegian. Even when I visited Oslo, everyone was fooled. I blended right in. Besides wearing a braided halo on my head–that’s still a thing there–I was set.

I look like I belong on that ship.

So you can imagine my excitement when I saw a place in Victoria called “Norway House”. First thoughts: I need to live there. Is it only for men? Is it a secret club (I love secret clubs)? Are their weekly Norwegian activities to do?  So many questions!

Norway House, or Eidsvold Lodge, was built in 1946. They’ve had male and female presidents over the years (in fact their first president was a woman) but everyone seems to have an authentic Norse last name. Ughghg I guess I’ll have to make up an alias. I’m thinking Ingrid Jacobsdatter. See what I did there?

I just looked at the “Lodge Officers” page, and everyone is ancient. This could have been such a cool idea and now it’s ruined by old people like everything else. However, on Saturday they are having a craft fair and it mentions Norwegian sweaters. I’m so there.

Ugh except I just saw a flier for the Nordic Festival that was held in September and it says, “cultural displays, entertainment, open faced sandwiches…” OPEN FACED SANDWICHES? Just because its the Norway House doesn’t mean you have to pretend you’re actually in Norway. Call me when you can afford the other half of your sandwich.

This is so depressing. I thought Norway House was going to be cool. I should probably research my topics before I start writing because this post has gone completely downhill.

One classy joint.

Favorites, Music, School

Unpopular Opinion Challenge

So instead of writing about how weird Canada is, today I’ve decided to freshen it up and talk about things that I hate that other people don’t, and vice versa.

1. A selection of television programs you do not care for: Big Bang Theory and Glee. What is so appealing about watching unattractive men talk about science? And like that girl on the show would EVER date any of them. Unrealistic. The only one who is semi-funny is the Jewish guy. Glee just makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Everyone on that show is so pretentious. And their “remakes” of songs sound exactly like the original. Is it supposed to be funny? And I hate how they cater to every stereotype. Talk about unrealistic.

2. A selection of musical artists you do not care for: I don’t really like James Taylor’s music. I don’t mind him as a person, I guess. His voice kind of gives me the creeps. And as for a real unpopular opinion, I don’t really like Dave Matthews. Sorry, everyone that went to my high school. Oh, and Prince 😉

3. A selection of celebrities you couldn’t care less about: Thinking about this makes my brain hurt.

4. A hobby you don’t understand: Running. I used to run every day. And now, looking back on it, I have to question my sanity. I also find it weird when people are super crafty. It’s like, how does their brain think of all these projects? Aliens.

5. A habit you find disgusting: Swearing. I hate when people throw those words around in everyday conversation. It makes them seem uneducated and tacky.

6. Something in your school that you really liked doing that everyone else hated: Orientation. There’s something about setting up my locker and finding my classes that I always enjoyed. Also, on the day of orientation, you would see how everyone changed over the summer. And by changed, I mean how tan they got.

7. Your favorite household chore: First of all, I hate the word chore. Its so Little House on the Prairie. My favorite duty would probably be making the bed. That counts, right?

8. PC or MAC: PC all the way. Mac are weird for the sake of being different. Its like, really? You had to put the exit buttons on the other side of the screen? What purpose does that serve?

9. A sport you don’t like for whatever reason: Soccer. I don’t get it. And everyone is so competitive. Maybe it’s from being in England for so long. And everyone calling it futbol. That just makes it 10 times worse.

10. A sport you really like for whatever reason: I like tennis. I like watching it and playing it. I’m terrible. But there is something about it that never gets old. And I like to swim. But watching swimming is only the most boring.

11. Television programs you love but have gotten teased for liking: The Real Housewives. I know that I am not alone. Can’t get enough of those crack whores. And I also love Extreme Home Makeover even though Ty seems drunk the whole time and its pretty much the same family week after week. I also love any freak show that’s on TLC.

12. Musical artists that you love but have been teased for liking: Enya. I actually have all of her songs on my ipod–THEY SOOTHE ME, OKAY?

13. A habit you have that people bug you about: Biting my nails. Sorry, they’re just so delicious.

14. Something you hated doing in school that everyone else seemed to love: Rollerskating in gym. Me + rollerskates =most awkward thing on the planet.

15. A household chore that makes you want to shoot your own face off: I think we can all agree that dishes are the most sick nasty thing ever. If I could eat off of paper plates every day, I would.

16. A celebrity crush that other people don’t understand: I love me some Alan Rickman. And I legitimately had a crush on Lumiere from Beauty and The Beast, if that counts.