Fun Foods

Lyke srsly.

I’m going to be honest, Canada has been pretty normal on the food front. Its refreshing to go to the grocery store here and not find “pork faggots” (I’m looking at you, England). But I have still managed to encounter some disturbing Canadian cuisine. There are plenty of times when people are telling me about a food here and I have to resort to my are-you-still-talking-to-me-about-poutine? face.

Let’s just get the worst over with first. Poutine. Pronounced: poo-teen. I wish I was kidding. Basically, poutine is french fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. I’m sure that sounds good to most of you, but anything cheese related (besides pizza) makes me want to end my life. I can deal with the fries and gravy on top, but not the cheese curd. Especially because its curd. I believe this specialty item originated in Montreal and now its become a staple all over Canada. Not really a staple, I guess. But it’s at the point where people still react when I tell them that I haven’t tried it. Ugh shut up about your poo fries.

I assume everyone has heard of churros. Everyone except Canadians. But they’ve heard of Beaver Tails which are kind of the same idea, but they look way more disgusting and have a repulsive name. Beaver Tails, like churros, are deep fried dough coated in sugar. Except one looks like this and one looks like that.

Beaver Tail


Does anyone remember at the beginning of Len’s Steal My Sunshine when the guys talk about butter tarts? No? Then go listen and come back. I remember listening to that song and not knowing what a butter tart was. Len is a Canadian band, guys. Canadians are apparently known for their butter tarts. The tart consists of butter, sugar, syrup, and egg filled into a flaky pastry and cooked until the filling is semi-crunchy. This sounds delicious, but of course its the one food that no one has offered me. THANKS CANADA.

Interesting tidbit: Canadians consume more macaroni and cheese than any other nation on earth. They probably think its gold or something.


31 thoughts on “Fun Foods

  1. Becoming Bitter says:

    Never tried the poutine or beaver tails, but when I’m hungry I don’t really care. My schedule is pretty messed up nowadays with school and lab work. So only when I’m really hungry will I force myself to stop working and eat something.

  2. I have never eaten a faggot actually. I reckon if I ordered one I would just stand there laughing like a twat.

    We have lemon curd over here and just the name put me off ever since I was a kid. Fucking CURD…?

    Yum yums are great though, they similarish to doughnuts but much better.


    When your options are things like “poo-teen”, beaver tails, and butter tards (or was it tarts?) you’re going to starve yourself.

    They do have an ice cream flavor called “Moose Tracks” up there which I have a fondness for. In America they call it Panda Paws because we’re so overrun with Pandas…?

    Great post!

    • Too many pandas for one country. Canadians are also skinny because they actually go outside and run around. It shouldn’t be allowed.
      Thanks a lot!

  4. Lisa says:

    Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating curds and whey
    Along came a spider who sat down beside her
    And frightened Miss Muffet away.

    This was my first introduction to curds. The rhyme is disturbing on a few levels.
    1. The last name “Muffet” is very undesirable 2. Why was she eating curds and whey? Was she starving? 3. I feel like that spider must have been pretty big to have frightened her from her that bowl of food- assuming she was starving – which is sort of creepy 4. Why would somebody share this rhyme with a child?
    I guess in the 16th century this sort of thing was all they had for entertainment?

    • Adair says:

      The one that creeps me out is “Rock-A-Bye Baby”. Really, people?? And it’s sung with such a sweet tune–“Here, Junior, let me sing you a song about a baby dying from a fall, then, I’ll tuck you in!”

    • Both make no sense. I’m sure they have a historical story with both of them, like Ring Around the Rosey, but its probably boring and stupid. Much like our ancestor’s lives.

  5. I hate the idea of poutine. It just seems wrong. And I LIKE cheese. I still have no idea what cheese curds are, but the name doesn’t sound good. And Canadians are HUGE on sauces. The first time I ordered a piza, the guy asked what flavour dipping sauce I wanted. Me: Uh, wha?! Dude: Dipping sauce. Me: For WHAT?!

    Now BeaverTails?! YUM! I’m just mad I only discovered them like 3 years into my Canadian experience.

  6. Isn’t macaroni and cheese known as “Kraft Dinner” up there? I think I learned that from the Barenaked Ladies….the band of course. If I had a million dollars……we wouldn’t have to eat kraft dinner…..but we would.

    • YES. It’s so weird. They had a Top Chef Canada episode where the contestants had to use “Kraft Dinner” in their recipes. It was off putting. They just sound so “down home” when they say it, ya know?

  7. Cd says:

    Lily, You must be kind of a jack ass and not that bright, from your writing. Beaver tail is a well known food luxury from trappers. “I believe this specialty item originated in Montreal and now its become a staple all over Canada.” That statement right there, you REALLY need to do some research before you write. lol….Good luck.

    • Cd, I’m so sorry that I upset you. I was talking about the fried doughnut-type food called Beaver Tails. Are we talking about the same thing? If so, you’re right. They originated in Ontario. My bad. I don’t think they’re a “luxury” food though. I really don’t care about doing research because it’s not my aim to teach anyone anything. When I wrote this post it was my aim to make fun of Canada. That’s what my blog used to be about. Don’t take things so seriously.

    • Whoa I just re-read my post and the part where I said “I believe this specialty item originated in Montreal and now its become a staple all over Canada.” is not even referring to Beaver Tails. I was talking about poutine and that information is correct.

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