Canada’s Wonderland

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any creepier here, I had to overhear talk about “Canada’s Wonderland”. CANADA’S WONDERLAND. I guess this is some sort of theme park/cruel joke. When I imagine a Canadian Wonderland, I think of acres of ice skating, rivers of maple syrup, and a petting zoo with polar bears. Not a greasy, carnie*-filled parking lot with rides called Behemoth and Mighty Canadian Minebuster.

The park is located in outer Toronto and apparently Walt Disney considered this as a location for one of his parks but he decided the climate would limit how long the park could stay open. As soon as Walt sobered up, he obviously realized that no one would cross the boarder to go to that park. Plus, at that point (1972), Canadians were still referred to as Yetis and Sasquatches.

That being said, Canada’s Wonderland has had far less ride-related deaths (none) than say, Six Flags.  You can see the rust on the rides at Six Flags. Also, you might still be able to see some hairs that were caught in the gears when that one girl got scalped on the Giant Drop. That might just be a rumor, but it has successfully deterred me from visiting the park for years/ever.

*Carnies are carnival workers. They are foul smelling, usually missing teeth, and can look through your soul. Think about that next time you go on a ride–do you really want to trust this person with your life?


9 thoughts on “Canada’s Wonderland

  1. Lisa says:

    I like your idea of a Canadian Wonderland better. Too bad they
    couldn’t incorporate a maple syrup river or polar bear petting zoo at the very lame Canadian world showcase at Epcot. I almost feel that they included Canada in the showcase out of obligation only to realize that they had very little other than flannel shirts and popcorn (who said that’s Canadian?) and a dizzying 3d movie of the Canadian wilderness to offer park attendees. Maybe you can suggest some ice skating or hockey to the good people at Disney?

  2. Marya says:

    I’m hearing you Lisa…and your onto something…a BIG IDEA with your Canadian Wonderland theme. No need to expound, but the Canadian exhibit is one we don’t go to when we are at Epcot. Can you imagine if you became a “cast member” for Disney World and they said, “Congratulations cast member, you will be working in the Canadian world showcase at Epcot. Grap your flannel shirt and some jeans…oh…and your name tag.” Sigh…

    • Lisa says:

      The only thing worse than being a cast member at the Canadian showcase would be to work at the African outpost where they sell primitive wooden instruments and shrunken head doo dads. Seriously, they’ve allowed an entire contininent to be represented by a few turban wearing, steel drum and bongo playing natives. Oh, and they sell cold drinks in case you feel like you’re really below the equator.

  3. Don’t compare anything to Six Flags accept for maybe hell. The one I’ve been to in NJ is full of New York gangmembers who cut you in line then shake their fists at you if you accuse them of doing it.

    I’d still rather be a carny than a rube and by the sounds of it, people who go to The Wonderland aren’t carnies.

  4. Lisa says:

    So funny mooselicker and so true. I too have been to the new jersey six flags and found it to be one of the most scary and revolting places I have ever been. It sort of made me want to slit my wrists and I was only 16 at the time! A real ugly slice of humanity… Very depressing.

  5. Marya says:

    Let’s talk about the photo booth that is hidden when you go down the most scary part of the roller coaster…I mean come on…it makes me nervous when people buy the photo, make it into a fridge magnet and prominently place it on their fridge. If you want to look great in a photo taken when you are screaming, then you must know ahead of time that there is a hidden camera…that’s too much ahead-of-time thinking for me. Mooslicker, Lisa and Lily, are we free to discuss the Six Flags/Formerly Magic Mountain…oustide of L.A? There there is some crazy gang stuff going on there…I’m not feeling it with any Six Flags at the moment.

  6. Another round of Random Lily Post 😛

    The theme park I’ve ever been to was Chime Long Theme Park in Guangzhou, China. You moan about rust? One of the rides was made out of wood =/

    • Hahah thanks for looking at my random posts from way back when! So nice! Haahha I can just imagine the wooden rollercoaster…sounds brutal..!

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