Someday My Prince Will Come

Apparently Prince has given up on his career and decided to tour Canada. And, as per usual, Canada is freaking out. Every so often I see one of these commercials and have to close my eyes and think happy thoughts.

Prince was excluded from my musical education. Not for any specific reason; my parents just focused on more important bands. And that’s fine by me. The only song of Prince’s that I know is “Little Red Corvette” and it’s not even that good.

Why is his name Prince? That always bothered me. Does he have some connection to Michael Jackson’s son, Prince Michael? Maybe it was their joint baby. That’s actually a really believable scenario.

And what kind of look is Prince going for? Lesbian? Troll? Magician? I don’t get it. Also, it seems like he has trouble growing facial hair. Which means he’s a woman.

And why is he so short?! Ugh short men scare me so much. One of my biggest fears are petite men. Maybe its because I’m so tall. But seriously. How do short men still exist? Doesn’t that defy Darwin’s law?

And WHAT is with his guitar? Someone please explain this one to me. It seems like he was trying to make an insignia of some sort and came out with this really complex, purple, swirly trident.  It doesn’t look good.

Look, Prince. Take this as me cordially uninviting you to Canada because you scare me so, so much.


8 thoughts on “Someday My Prince Will Come

  1. Lisa says:

    Lesbian, troll, magician!!! So funny. I have to say that Little Red Corvette is a really good song and so is Manic Monday which he wrote for the Bangles.

    • IS it a really good song? I think you were just brainwashed by the 80’s. Manic Monday, I will admit, is a really good song. But if he didn’t sing it, then technically I cannot refer to it as belonging to him. But that’s just part of my judging system.

  2. Marya says:

    On a talk show, about five years ago, Sandra Bullock’s (she bugs) openly confesesed that her tattoed ex-husband surprised her for her birthday and took her to Prince’s studio in Minneapolis to hear his songs LIVE and UP COSE AND PERSONAL. I’m assuming Prince met them at the front door. Apparently, it was HER dream come true. Ok…if my husband ever did that to me I would tell him that this trip was the biggest waste of time and money. With my height it would be creepy to look down at someone soooo short who also wear heels and I can only stand a FEW of his songs. Dig into his archive because during the ’90s he ditched the name “Prince” and made everyone call him “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.” WHAT?!@!? Hey AFCAM, we are so done with you.

  3. Adair says:

    I was on an elevator at the Mall once (yeah, I’m that lazy), and MallTunes started playing ‘Listen to the Doves Do Something–Call or Coo or Die or something equally moronic’. I kept thinking it would be the perfect background music for a zombie attack.

  4. Lisa says:

    “This is what it sounds like when doves cry…” one never knows what awaits them in the mall elevator, as with hearing this gem, I’m sure your shopping experience was that much richer.

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