Apparently Prince has given up on his career and decided to tour Canada. And, as per usual, Canada is freaking out. Every so often I see one of these commercials and have to close my eyes and think happy thoughts.
Prince was excluded from my musical education. Not for any specific reason; my parents just focused on more important bands. And that’s fine by me. The only song of Prince’s that I know is “Little Red Corvette” and it’s not even that good.
Why is his name Prince? That always bothered me. Does he have some connection to Michael Jackson’s son, Prince Michael? Maybe it was their joint baby. That’s actually a really believable scenario.
And what kind of look is Prince going for? Lesbian? Troll? Magician? I don’t get it. Also, it seems like he has trouble growing facial hair. Which means he’s a woman.
And why is he so short?! Ugh short men scare me so much. One of my biggest fears are petite men. Maybe its because I’m so tall. But seriously. How do short men still exist? Doesn’t that defy Darwin’s law?
And WHAT is with his guitar? Someone please explain this one to me. It seems like he was trying to make an insignia of some sort and came out with this really complex, purple, swirly trident. It doesn’t look good.
Look, Prince. Take this as me cordially uninviting you to Canada because you scare me so, so much.