canada, P0wning N3wbs

This is war

Hes like an angel. An angel named Shia.

Intense drama is happening over the border. The USA’s lovely Shia LeBeouf who starred in Even Stevens, Holes, Disturbia, and other movies that aren’t as good, was beaten up yesterday in Vancouver. I don’t know if Canadians have received the memo, but Shia is a gem amongst Americans. And he happens to be my first true love (sorry Paul). Imagine, I could have been Lily LeBeouf. Has a certain ring to it, dontcha think?

I can almost assume that Shia was minding his own business as he was leaving the pub where he was battered. I mean, he’s never been in trouble before (besides the time he was arrested in Chicago after refusing to leave a Walgreens….and that time that he got a DUI in LA). I feel bad for him. How would you like it if some fat Canadian man came up and started punching you? Sounds like my worst nightmare.

Canadians have to learn to control their obviously insane tempers. From now on, if anyone that I don’t know personally even tries to exchange glances with me, I am calling the authorities mounties. If Canada thinks they can unfairly attack our nation’s shining star (and my soul mate) then I am going to personally punch every celeb who has some connection to the great white north. I urge you to join me on this fight against evil.

Here’s the video of Shia basically fighting for his life:


2 thoughts on “This is war

  1. Sammy says:

    I love that the guy sacrifices his crutch (and possible further bodily harm) to save the beloved Shia. However, the extreme intensity in which his friend is staring into his eyes is a little creepy

  2. Marya says:

    All I want to know is…which Walgreens in Chicago was he asked to leave? Ok…I was just kidding…you can tell I am from L.A.

    Why don’t you dig into your archives and find film footage of what the Vancouver-ites did to their town after their team did NOT win the Stanley Cup in June.

    I thought British Columbia was supposed to be this kind-and-gentle-Liberal faction of Canada…apparently they are from the Dark Ages and it is EVERY MAN TO HIMSELF.

    One last note…did Shia get proper care and treatment? The Health Care System is deplorable…a crying shame. I’m sure they have no “Sponge Bob” band-aids in any of their hospitals…

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