The Holidays

Whenever people are excited about Starbucks holiday cups:

When people say “But it’s a holiday tradition!”:

Everyone at the mall on Christmas Eve:

The day after my mom and brother went back home:

When this crazy drunk lady came up to our table at the pub and started putting her arm around me:

Me, on Christmas day:

Whenever someone asks me to help clean up:

The day of the Mayan Apocalypse:

Me, remembering the chocolate bar I got for Christmas:

Realizing I have lots of gift cards to spend:

After I’m done belting to Les Miserables in my car:

Realizing that I have to stay up to at least midnight on Monday night:

My Trip to Oslo

Since my Seattle post was so well received, I thought I might as well write about my other travel adventures. Especially the ones where I look thin in pictures.

During my study abroad in fall 2008, a lot of my friends were going to Amsterdam. I of course was banned from going there because I would most likely get caught up in the red-light district and sold as a sex slave. Or worse, smoke pot. Luckily, a couple of my friends weren’t interested in going either. We looked on RyanAir’s list of destinations and saw that flights to Oslo were going for a mere 7 pounds! Brilliant. Side note: RyanAir is the sketchiest airline you can take. Flights are cancelled constantly and they fly to airports that are more or less 2 hours outside of the city that you think you’re going to.

I was excited to go to Norway mostly because I am of Norwegian heritage. It’s easy to mistake me for a Viking woman. In fact, when we were there, most people would talk to my friends in English and then talk to me in Norwegian. Unfortunately the only words that I bothered learning were hai hai (hi) and tak (thanks). So my cover was blown often.

As for eating, we had an amazing breakfast buffet every morning at our hotel. We would stock up on food there and then grab crap at 7-11 at night. Oslo had a lot of 7-11′s. But not one Starbucks. Go figure.

I remember when we first got there, some homeless Norwegian put his arm around me and I did a full “As if!” from Clueless.

So that was fun. Besides that clingy homeless dude, Oslo was dead. And by dead, I mean that there was literally no one around. It was a ghost town. Streets were empty. Stores were closed. It was spooky.

We were smart and went on a bunch of free tours to all of the hotspots in the city. One of the most memorable stops was the Vigeland Sculpture Park. So this Vigeland guy basically made a bunch of sculptures of people without clothes on so they would be timeless. Unfortunately everything just looks very sexual. You cannot take a normal picture there. For example:

Not phallic at all.

We went to an amazing Viking Ship Museum which was a definite highlight. I could just imagine my ancestors raping and pillaging other nation’s carefully built towns. Often times their boats were buried with the men who died so it’s a real miracle that these boats are in such good shape.

We also went to the Kon Tiki Museum. Before visiting the museum, I hadn’t ever heard of the Kon Tiki expedition. In 1947 Thor Heyerdahl made a journey to the Polynesian islands. The museum pretty much explains his entire journey. It was a cool place and I got some good pictures most importantly.

I’m probably the most annoying person you’ll ever meet.

I think we also went to Oslo’s Opera house which is right on the water and shaped like a glacier which is pretty bomb. But probably slightly traumatizing for any titanic survivors. Oh, and we went to the art museum to see some Edvard Munch paintings. After being in Oslo for a couple of days, I could see why Munch painted “The Scream”.

Along the way I manged to abuse most statues that I came across.
I hope this post encourages everyone to visit Oslo at least once in their lives. It’s clearly such a hot spot!

Oh Make Me Over

It’s hard to pin point what makes makeovers so great. Some people like to give them. Others like to receive them. I like to give them, receive them, watch them, etc. It’s fascinating how you can change someone’s appearance so drastically. The best part of any makeover is the reveal. It’s so great seeing people get a boost of confidence that their fugly selves never had before. Unfortunately there’s also such thing as a make-under. But that’s a different topic for a different day.

One of my favorite scenes in Clueless was when Cher and Dionne give Tai a makeover. Let’s just be honest for a second. No matter how you slice Brittany Murphy, she’s always gonna look like trailer trash. Doesn’t she have that I-got-my-entire-outfit-from-T.J. Maxx-look? Yes. Yes she does. That’s why her casting in Clueless was so spot on. The duo really gave Tai the full treatment. Cher even tried to extend Tai’s vocabulary. She was unsuccessful, but at least there was effort made. By the way, R.I.P. Britt Britt.

Such a simpleton.

Do you remember at the end of Grease when Sandy changes her look for Danny? I can’t decide if I would call this a makeover or a make-under. I mean, Sandy was really cute before. She wore cool dresses and she didn’t look like Rizzo–she had a lot going for her! For some reason both Sandy and Danny decided that they had to conform in order to show their love. Danny’s attempt was pathetic. He basically kept his same look, and just replaced his T-Bird jacket with a Letterman’s sweater that we all know he didn’t earn. He rivaled my athletic ability. Sandy obviously took one for the team and let Frenchy make her over. What a brave soul. Grease teaches you that the cool kids won’t truly like you until you become one of them. And then they’ll sing a ridiculous song outside of school and you’ll fly off in a car. Ahh Rydell High.

Frenchy did a great job of making Sandy look 20 years older.

Reality shows really have the whole makeover thing perfected. I’ll watch any show if it promises me an eventual makeover. Especially a makeover with tears. That’s where America’s Next Top Model comes into play. There’s a house of 20 or so girls that want to become models. When it gets down to 12 girls, they’re all rewarded with a makeover to enhance their look. It’s astounding how many girls cry when their hair is cut or dyed. Like, really? I thought you were a model and could rock any look. Needless to say, it’s super entertaining.

Another perfect example is Biggest Loser. The final 7 people get makeovers and it’s so fun to watch! Not only do the contestants get their hair cut and colored, but they’ve lost so much weight. They actually do look like different people. Those are always emotional because they feel so good about themselves after treating their bodies so badly. The makeovers for this season of  Biggest Loser were on last week but they made it a two part episode. So that’s annoying. Also, for some reason the losers (can I call them that?) get to go to the White House to meet Michelle Obama. I’m sure they really want to see her and her chiseled arms. But seriously, how many pushups does Michelle Obama do every day? Let’s make guesses! And then email them to her.

Lastly, there was the most drastic makeover show of all, The Swan. Haha just kidding. I’m talking about Extreme Makeover. That show combined easy makeover techniques (hair, makeup, clothes) with plastic surgery. The transformations were always awesome and the people felt and looked beautiful. For some reason my favorite part was watching people get their teeth fixed. No one should have to hide their smiles! Yeah, Extreme Makeover would definitely guarantee tears. And then they just had to take it one step further and come out with Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I wish someone would give Ty Pennington an Extreme Makeover.

I think you missed a spot shaving. Also, stop spiking your hair. It's not 2002.

Top 1000

Gift from the gods.

Last night I reached 1000 views on my blog! Just so you know, I played no part in 994 of those views. I feel like this joyous moment should be commemorated with my list of 1000′s.  I do not have 1000 items on this list, and its definitely not a “1000 things to do before you die” type of thing. Its just a compilation of things in life that contain the number 1000.

I’m pretty sure I’ve missed 1000 days of class Kindergarten-Undergrad. School is just so…mundane.

There are definitely 1000 people that I can’t stand. I will name 20 just so you get an idea. Susan Sarandon, Joy Behar, Guiliana Rancic, Kris Humphries, LuAnn de Lesseps, Teresa Guidice, Casey Anthony, Bono, Julianne Moore, Martha Stewart, Jennifer Aniston, Kristen Stewart, Kelly Ripa, Kelly Bensimon, George Lopez, Alison Pill, Dakota Fanning, Jenna Fischer, Anne Hathaway, Blake Lively.

The profusion of 1000 flowers to make the smell of Flowerbomb perfume by Viktor & Rolf. Come to think of it, I use 1000 sprays daily.

The number of times I have been to Disney World.

The amount of calories I usually eat in 5 minutes.

How many steps I won’t be taking on a walk today.

The number of strange dogs I have pet.

How much I weigh. Yep, in pounds.

The time when Paul said David Gray’s album was in his top 1000 albums. Hahahaa

Number of times that Avril Lavigne’s teeth have mesmerized me.

Times I have watched Clueless. And Titanic.

Barbie’s I have given a haircut.

Number of sports I don’t like.

Number of bugs that freak me out.

The amount of tater tots I can eat.

The amount of times I have randomly burst into tears.

How many times I wish I wasn’t washing dishes.

The number of Pokemon I wish were real.

Times I wished I looked like Frida Pinto.

Times I’ve laughed at my own jokes.