Depressing Morrissey Lyrics for Valentine’s Day

For those of you who haven’t found love, or who have found love and hate the person now–this is for you. The Smiths/Morrissey have some of the best lyrics. They’re so sharp and clever that they always put a smile on my face even though they’re totally depressing. So without further blabbing, this one’s for you:

“Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said I’d like to smash every tooth in your head/Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed.” (Bigmouth Strikes Again by The Smiths)

“And you have never been in love until you’ve seen the dawn rise behind the Home for the Blind[...]You have never been in love until you’ve seen the sunlight thrown over smashed human bone.” (First of the Gang to Die by Morrissey)

In my life why do I give valuable time to people who don’t care if I live or die?/Two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows I’m miserable now/In my life why do I smile at people who I’d much rather kick in the eye?” (Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by The Smiths)

“She told me she loved me which means she must be insane/They said they respect me which means their judgement is crazy/He said he wants to befriend me which means he can’t possibly know me.” (How Can Anybody Possibly Know How I Feel? by Morrissey)

“So, goodbye please stay with your own kind and I’ll stay with mine. And “love” is just a miserable lie/ you have destroyed my flower-like life not once – twice/ you have corrupted my innocent mind not once – twice.” (Miserable Lie by The Smiths)

“So what difference does it make? It makes none, but now you have gone and you must be looking very old tonight.” (What Difference Does It Make? by The Smiths)

“Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me no hope – but no harm just another false alarm.” (Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me by The Smiths)

And a romantic one…just for good measure:

“And if a double-decker bus crashes in to us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die. And if a ten ton truck kills the both of us, to die by your side, well the pleasure, the privilege is mine.” (There is a Light that Never Goes Out by The Smiths)

Left Over Resolutions 2012

Doesn’t 2013 sound like an unlucky year? Is no one bringing up the fact that thirteen is unluckiest number of them all? Hotels don’t even make a thirteenth floor, that’s how bad it is. But it’s okay, let’s just all keep pretending that 2013 will be a great year.

I was looking at my resolutions last year and I was actually very surprised. Usually resolutions depress me because I’ve never really set a goal for myself and accomplished it. At least, not on purpose. But I completed a lot of the things on my list with flying colors!

For example, one of my goals was to start volunteering and I estimated that it would only last four months once if I started. Well, not only did I get a volunteering job, I stayed there for 10 months. Technically I’m still there, but they’ve been slow for a while so they haven’t needed me much.

Another resolution of mine from last year was to be more spontaneous in Victoria–do things I haven’t done, make more friends, and put myself out there. Well, now I’ve made lots of friends and did many adventurous things. And by that, I mean that I went camping twice.

Something else I had on my list was to read more. I projected that I would probably read one book this year and I ended up reading five! My little library is growing. I didn’t even realize I was completing a goal I set out for myself. Maybe that’s the key to setting goals, they have to be something you like to do so that you’ll end up accomplishing them no matter what.

Something else I wanted to do was to “make our apartment cozy and perfect”. I am so proud of myself with this one. Around the time that I wrote last year’s post, I had saved up a little over $1000 with my babysitting money and I wanted to buy a couch with it. Since then, I’d saved up enough to buy that couch, a chair and ottoman, a rug, a TV credenza/mini entertainment center, a trunk, and a mirror. I have definitely accomplished that goal. It makes me proud to have “feathered the nest” and I think it makes Paul proud too.

I still had other things on my list that I didn’t really accomplish like going to church more, stop hatin’ on people, and to complain less. And I think those will be my resolutions for this year. The year of the left-over resolutions.

But really, like I said last year, I’m basically perfect and I’m just writing this list out to feel more human.

2012 In Review (How Precious. Thanks WordPress!)

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

About 55,000 tourists visit Liechtenstein every year. This blog was viewed about 180,000 times in 2012. If it were Liechtenstein, it would take about 3 years for that many people to see it. Your blog had more visits than a small country in Europe!

Click here to see the complete report.

The Holidays

Whenever people are excited about Starbucks holiday cups:

When people say “But it’s a holiday tradition!”:

Everyone at the mall on Christmas Eve:

The day after my mom and brother went back home:

When this crazy drunk lady came up to our table at the pub and started putting her arm around me:

Me, on Christmas day:

Whenever someone asks me to help clean up:

The day of the Mayan Apocalypse:

Me, remembering the chocolate bar I got for Christmas:

Realizing I have lots of gift cards to spend:

After I’m done belting to Les Miserables in my car:

Realizing that I have to stay up to at least midnight on Monday night:

My White Leather Gloves

I enjoyed the finer things in life when I was 19. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy the finer things, but they’re just out of reach now that I’m in Canada. I think it’s usual to want something new and beautiful for Christmas, and I had a very long list when I was 19.

I remember the day that my dad took me downtown into Chicago to go Christmas shopping. I wanted to pick out my gifts before I got them because that’s how I rolled back then. Now, of course, I realize that surprises and the unexpected gifts are the best ones but I digress.

After wandering up and down Michigan Avenue, we eventually ended up in the Coach store. I didn’t need a new purse so I don’t even know why I was in there. We were looking around when a pair of white leather gloves caught my eye. They were so soft and had three buttons going up each side. I asked my dad if I could have them for Christmas and he said yes.

Am I Mary Tyler Moore with that hat, or what?

As the employee rang us up, she asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I pretty much threw up in my mouth and walked out of the store after that. The only thing that made me feel better were those gloves. Driving gloves, as I liked to call them. But seriously, what 19 year old need driving gloves?

Christmas came and went and I loved my gloves. I used them through the long Chicago winter. I was going to a community college at the time, so I actually was doing a lot of driving back and forth.

One of my least favorite classes that semester was Speech. Our teacher was like, a hundred years old and made us speak super loud whenever we were performing. I hated that class, but my teacher loved me. Probably because I put really old fashioned cheesy jokes into all of my speeches. I knew how to cater to my audience.

After school one day, I got home and realized that I didn’t have my gloves. I knew that I put them under my seat in class and I must have forgotten about them. Since I went to a community college I pretty much assumed that I would never see my gloves ever again. How would I even drive comfortably after this?!

I went to the lost and found just to make sure there were truly no good people left in this world, and I was right. My gloves were gone. I didn’t have the heart to tell my dad that the gift he gave me was gone because I didn’t take care of it.

I always felt bad about that.

 

Thanksgiving Weekend

As Thanksgiving weekend comes to a close, I thought this would be appropriate:

T-Give 2012

I wrote about Canadian Thanksgiving last year and I didn’t hold back on the insults. This year, I’m going to take some time to write about what I’m grateful for. Weird, I know. We can pretend that we’re sitting around the table saying what we’re thankful for except that it’s all about what I’m thankful for and you’re not really a part of it.

My family. They are the coolest. Most of you know mi madre. She’s pretty much WordPress famous. But not the kind of WordPress famous where you get Freshly Pressed. All the cool people haven’t been Freshly Pressed. It’s true! If you haven’t been Freshly Pressed, you must be pretty cool. And offensive. My brother is also cool. He’s a way better writer than I am. I don’t know why he doesn’t blog more. Or at all. And my dad is also, surprisingly, very cool. He does all the things. Each member of my family is located somewhere different, but we’re all still a perfect unit. I am pretty lucky that way.

Is it just me or is the black kid being segregated?

My husband. I still think it’s weird that I have a husband. It’s almost like I’m old or something. Without my husband I would be super sad. I tried being without him once after I met him and I didn’t like it one bit. He’s a hard worker and a kind fellow that takes care of me. It’s a big job, you know, taking care of me.

My friends. I really like my little groups of friends that I have all over the world. I am drawn to people that I don’t have to spend time with 24/7. I like being able to pick up right where I left off. My friends from Chicago were always so cool with me living in England and only seeing me during the holidays. I never felt pressure to stay anchored to one place.  I also like that my friends don’t take me too seriously and ignore me when I say dumb things and laugh at all of my jokes. I never wanted to have the most friends. I just wanted to have a few good ones.

Blogging. Blogging has opened up so much of the world to me. It’s weird because I never would’ve thought that writing could lead to friendships and learning and laughing. But I have so many people that can see who I truly am on here even when I say dumb things and offend everyone on the internet.

Diet Pepsi: You might be wondering why this is on my list. Diet Pepsi has been a part of my life since I can remember. Actually, I think my dad put some in my bottle once. So technically, it’ss been a part of my life since I can’t remember.

Laughing. Laughing and making people laugh are two of my favorite things ever. You can’t buy laughter. You can fake it, but true, genuine laughter is euphoric. I love being able to make any situation, no matter how serious or painful, funny. It’s a gift, really.

What are you thankful for this year?

My Favorite Halloween Moments

Welp, it’s Halloween which means that my birthday month is coming to a close. The presidential debates did a great job of taking the attention off of me and ruining my 25th birthday month. I’d like to close this October with a holiday-themed post. The following are my favorite Halloween moments from movies and TV. And by movies, I mean movie because I only named one.

The Hilarity of a Clever Costume: On How I Met Your Mother, the main character, Ted, dresses up as a hanging chad for a Halloween party. When I first saw this episode I thought, “Wow this is show is so funny!” And it was…for the first couple episodes. Then it was just the same thing over and over. How many times can someone laugh at Neil Patrick Harris saying “Legen–wait for it–dary!” I mean, come on. But yeah, the hanging chad costume made it all worth it.

* In case you don’t know what a hanging chad is, it’s the term for a voting ballot that hasn’t been punched out all the way. People used to punch a hole in paper to signify who their vote went to. I know, archaic. Al Gore kind of started the whole hanging chad thing right around the time that he invented the internet.

Realizing It’s Mandatory to Dress like a Skank: In Mean Girls, Cady learns the hard way when she shows up at a Halloween party in a costume that’s actually somewhat scary. I’ve never been a total fan of slutty costumes, although I’m sure if I had a super hot bod I would. I mean, if you got it, flaunt it! What I’m saying is that I can understand why it’s fun for girls to dress that way. It’s fun and exciting and you get tons of attention. Nothing’s better than that, right?!….

Home-Made Costumes That You Can’t Move In: Sue Heck from The Middle is one of the saddest characters that I’ve ever seen portrayed on a show. And I don’t mean that she’s emotionally sad, in fact Sue is genuinely a happy person. She’s just one of those people that you feel bad for. When Halloween rolls around, Sue decides to go as a single die. Unfortunately when she arrives at a party she is bumped into, overlooked, and used as a tabletop to hold her peer’s drinks.

The Fun of Dressing Up with Your Friends and Trick-or-Treating: This is really what Halloween is all about. The boys in Freaks and Geeks are some of my favorite characters ever. There is honestly nothing better than rocking an awesome costume and going out with your friends. Even if one of your friends dresses as The Bionic Woman.

 

 

Columbus Day? No Way!

Growing up, I loved long weekends. I think most kids (and adults) do. Any reason to get off school was a good reason to me. “Oh the President was shot? Do I have to go to school?” “We’re going to war? That means I can stay home, right?“

It wasn’t until my 4th year of college that I realized the school systems had been lying to us about one of our national holidays, Columbus Day. The only thing that we were taught as kids was that Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America in 1492. That’s basically the reason for the holiday–that he discovered America. We owe our existence to him. This is a lie. Here are some snip-its from an essay that I wrote about the situation at hand:

The horrifying reality of Christopher Columbus’ legacy is rarely focused on in present day America. Americans celebrate Columbus Day with holidays, parades, erecting statues, etc, as they blindly commemorate a man who committed genocide on indigenous tribes of North America. Not only did Columbus not discover America, he also abused, tortured, raped, and killed the Lucayan, Taino, and Arawak tribes. Perhaps the most disturbing piece of information about Columbus’ destruction is that he recalled the native people as “handsome, smart and kind people…they offered to share with anyone and when you ask for something, they never say no[2]”.

Currently, 80% of American high school text books characterize Columbus in a positive light (e.g. described as a brave explorer, positive influence on America), while only 20% shed light on the capture of the native people and their eventual displacement into slave trade. Movements such as AIM*, The Transform Columbus Day Alliance, and many Indian Resistance groups in South America are spreading the truth about Columbus and his legacy. These movements aim to destroy all beliefs that Columbus rightly discovered America and civilized a people with the “superiority of European values and institutions[3]”.

*The American Indian Movement, commonly referred to as AIM, has been one of the few leaders of a campaign discouraging the celebration of the national United States holiday. AIM activists argue that “Indian people remain at the bottom of every socioeconomic indicator…under continuing physical attack, and afforded the least access to economic, political, or legal redress[1]”.

It’s easy to turn a blind eye to this information. It almost seems un-American to acknowledge it. The truth is that Columbus helped perpetuate and form the beginning of slave trade and genocide of indigenous peoples. Would we honor him is he was alive today? Definitely not.

Columbus’ priest that he brought with him, Bartolome De Las Casas, wrote this in his diary after he had witnessed what Columbus and his men had done: “Such inhumanities and barbarisms were committed in my sight as no age can parallel…my eyes have seen these acts so foreign to human nature that now I tremble as I write[4]”.

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[1] Morris, G.and R. Means, “Why AIM opposes Columbus Day and Columbus Day Parades.

[2] Kasum, E. (2010) “Columbus Day? True Legacy: Cruelty and Slavery”.

[3] Morris, G. and R. Means, “Why AIM opposes Columbus Day and Columbus Day Parades.

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[4] Kasum, E. (2010) “Columbus Day? True Legacy: Cruelty and Slavery”

October

Welp, it’s here. My birthday month. I’m aware that everyone thinks their own birthday month is the best, and that’s cute. But they’re wrong. Except for people born in October. They know what’s up.

The thing I don’t like about October though, is that other things occur during the month that have nothing to do with my birth. This makes it hard to appreciate “The Perfect Month” as I’ve deemed it. One of the reason I refer to it as “the perfect month” is because it’s not too long after summer and not too far away from Christmas. It’s right in the middle of loveliness.

How I feel once it’s October.

One occasion that I’ve had to share with my birthday month is Halloween. This holiday has haunted me (get it?!) since I was born. The idea of me having to share my birth month with a holiday where I’m required to dress in costume is just way too much for me to handle. I mean, it could be worse. I could have a December birthday. All you December babies got gypped! Halloween is fun and everything, but there’s always so much hype and so little pay-off. Also, my birthday month is associated with the color orange which is just cruel and unfair.

Another recent thing that has taken over the entirety of my birthday month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Honestly, why can’t everyone just be aware of my birthday? Lily’s Birthday Awareness Month. I’m all for people being aware of breast cancer, but can’t we just figure out that it’s around instead of dedicating a whole month to it and ruining the color pink for everyone? I’m not trying to offend anyone with breast cancer or anyone that knows someone who died of breast cancer (because I know that’s what everyone thinks and everyone likes to get mad at me, yeah yeah yeah) I just don’t understand why we need a month for it. Same with Black History Month. Can’t we as a society acknowledge that black men and women are a strong part of our history as a nation? Are we supposed to forget about their history after February? Are we supposed to ignore breast cancer after October? Why do we have awareness months at all? Can’t we all just be freely aware? DON’T FORCE ME TO BE AWARE, WORLD.

After moving to Canada I’ve also had to share fake Thanksgiving with my birthday month. Canadian Thanksgiving is in early October which is dangerously close to the date of my birth. In fact, this year it’s a mere 3 days after my big day. Way too close for comfort. How about Canada just realizes that the only thing they need to be thankful for is me living in their country and dedicate this holiday to moi? Just throwing ideas around.

This October, instead of worrying about other traditions and holidays, I ask you to think about my birthday and how great I am. It’s been a quarter of a century since I’ve been on this earth and I think I deserve some respect.