Feelings

Betrayal


Dear Kitchen Knife,

We’ve always gotten along. I trusted you, I understood you, and I treated you with care. You were my knife of choice. Whenever I needed to cut meat or vegetables, you were there for me. I cleansed you when you were dirty. I dried you when you were wet. I put you away when you were lost.

The reason I mention these memories is because I’m confused. I treated you with the utmost care and respect only to have the delicate skin of my finger ravaged by your blade today. I am aware that things may have been a bit beyond your control. My husband may or may not have gotten carried away while sharpening your blade as he mimicked Gordon Ramsay. He also may or may not have warned me about the sharpness of your new and improved blade. He also may or may not have demonstrated the sharpness of said blade on a tomato while I watched and said “Oh cool.” Nevertheless, cutting my finger was uncalled for and rude. ramsay

The problem might lie in the fact that you don’t know your own strength. Not only did you cut me, but you cut right through the sponge I was using to wash you. You used to like being washed. Did people kick Jesus in the face when He washed their feet? Maybe on accident if He was too tickle-y. I digress. The sponge did nothing to you. And you destroyed him. Granted, his time was almost up anyway, BUT STILL. You do not control what goes on in my kitchen. You don’t make the rules.

Note: I feel like I don’t know how to properly wash knives.

I’m sorry to say that I will have obvious trust issues with you from here on out. Until you become dull and useless like your old self, I will be forced to use another, less aggressive knife.

Love,

Lily

About these ads
Standard

16 thoughts on “Betrayal

  1. This has permanently scared me from ever cleaning a knife with my tongue ever again…until the next time there’s chocolate on the knife. So what? Tongues are strong I think.

    • What if you cut your tongue off? That would be so nast. Lol I lick chocolate off of regular utensil knives but not like, cutting knives. I’m sure that’s the technical term–cutting knife.

  2. Oh dear, once that trust goes it ain’t ever coming back.

    It’s like when you get a new bike and life is full of picnics and sightseeing for a while. Yet the moment you get a puncture, that trust has gone and the bike is confined to the garden shed forever.

    I hope your finger gets well soon.

    • Haha I like your comparison. I really was scared to go back to using the same knife. There is no trust anymore! But my finger is healing quite nicely so I guess it’s okay.

      Thanks for the condolences Michael!

  3. You didn’t bleed onto the food, did you? God, I hope not.

    I see that Gravity has been re-released into the theaters to cash-in on its Academy Award nominations. Do you remember the assignment I gave you earlier? This isn’t something that you can watch on TV. M’kay?

    • Nope! I was only washing the knife when it cut me so I only bled in the sink which might be equally gross.

      Haha I do remember the assignment! I will go see it when I get the chance, I promise! I like how passionately you feel about this subject haha!

  4. Dear Lily –
    I apologize for the over enthusiasm.
    Each time you pick me up, whether it’s to slice the root end off a simple carrot, or to lovingly cube the delicious sirloin you’re preparing, I always get a thrill to be used in one of your recipes
    For hours, your husband and I planned on what a joy it would be for you use me in my finest form. He honed me to my very best, so I could be there when you need me.
    But now I see I’ve gone too far. Wanting to add a bit of you to make your dish even greater was wrong of me. I see that now.
    I hope that one day, we can get past this, and cut away everything that doesn’t matter.

    Sincerely,
    The Knife

    PS – The sponge had it coming.

    • Dear Knife,

      Who knew you were so charming? I feel like we can resolve things now that I know you’re a big fan of mine. I can’t afford to lose a fan. Or a knife for that matter. My finger is feeling better now anyway.

      The sponge has been disposed of. There were dry eyes at his funeral.

      Love,
      Lily

  5. Pingback: Brad May Have Been Eaten | The Convoluted Menagerie

  6. Emily says:

    Lily! I’m sorry to hear about this infamous kitchen attack! How dare that knife. I actually went thru a similar trauma a few wks ago… Was boiling hot water and tried pouring the pan (without handles btw) into my teacup and although I had a towel to hold the pan, I dropped it! Water went everywhere and yes–there’s still a scar in my arm where I burned myself. The worst ever when something like that happens. Hope you’re feeling better soon… Hugs!

    • Ahh boiling water is terrifying. That sounds like a painful disaster. I hate kitchen mistakes. Glad it’s not just me though! Thanks Emily! My finger feels much better now!

  7. Emily says:

    and I have seriously convinced myself to buy a tea kettle after this… There wasn’t one where I was when it happened :( Who knew kitchens could be so awful!?

    • Haha I know! They should warn us when we’re adults that kitchens are just as dangerous as when we were kids. But yes, buy a tea kettle. It will save you many a kitchen nightmare!

Comments are great, eh?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s