School

Carol


I don’t like science. Never have, never will. I didn’t care how much the sun weighed or how dense a cylinder of water was. I laughed when my Earth Science teacher said that we had to find the cleavage in our rocks. I also had the biggest carbon footprint of all time and couldn’t care less.

Often times I would look around the room, staring at pictures of our solar system or the periodic table. After a couple of years in high school, a reoccurring poster would appear on the walls of my science rooms. It looked like this:tumblr_lguft9HLsh1qb4zxlo1_400

I need to talk about this poster. Let’s start with Carol. Carol is the worst name ever. Apparently she never wore her safety goggles. I don’t blame Carol here. If her class had safety “goggles”, that’s pretty embarrassing. We only had to wear these clear glasses. If ours had a strap at the back, I sure as hell wouldn’t have worn them either. She was probably just trying to be cool and make up for the fact that her name was Carol.

It’s obvious that her teacher didn’t care about her. If he/she cared, they wouldn’t have made it an option to wear the goggles. Another question: why is Carol’s teacher using such dangerous chemicals in the presence of young students? There are sooo many experiments that you could do, but you choose the one that could blind someone? Good work.

It’s obvious that Carol made a mistake. She burned her eyes and probably didn’t run to flush them out with that cool spurty sink that all the class rooms had. Or she could’ve used the shower in the back of the room that I’ve always been tempted to use.

So now Carol doesn’t need safety goggles? Just because she’s blind, she doesn’t need to keep her eyes safe anymore? What kind of logic is that? Or do they mean that she already has protective goggles because she has to wear those sweet sunglasses? Either way, it’s weird. At least she gets to walk with a pimp cane now and she never has to look at how badly she dresses. A win/win really.tumblr_lhobetFaUI1qzkqvao1_500

About these ads
Standard

90 thoughts on “Carol

  1. Lily,

    Once again, I give you the slow clap. A great, great piece! You had me at “….She was probably just trying to be cool and make up for the fact that her name was Carol.”

    Addie

  2. Hahaha I love the mention of Carol. My friend Rob actually has the poster of this. He emailed some site. Then I tried to email them and for some reason I claimed to be a teacher. They said they’d mail it to the school and I got nervous and stopped pursuing. I think I didn’t want them realizing two kids living in the same town were asking for the same poster in the same week.

    I don’t think Carol has to wear her safety goggles anymore because how can she even mix chemicals now? I think the poster I saw said “Now she doesn’t have to” instead of “Now she doesn’t need them.” It really could have been better written. There’s too much 1970s irony in it.

    • That’s awesome! It’s such a good poster. You should ask him to photocopy it for you. I’m pretty sure it’s a good addition to any room. Just a reminder of how precious your sight is.

      I think you’re right. Maybe I missed the point that she can’t even do scientific experiments, let alone walk to class by herself. Such a tragic story.

    • The only reason I don’t have a problem mocking Carol is because she’s probably not real. They should’ve used a real person on the poster who blinded themselves! I would’ve taken it more seriously.

      Actually, no. I probably wouldn’t have.

  3. sortaginger says:

    Is Carol wearing a hoodie to show that she is a hip teenager, or is hair that shellacked down with hairspray in the back?

    And why does she have to look like she is coated in sulphur? Do all chemistry safety posters follow a color theme corresponding to the Periodic Table?

    • It does look like a hoodie! Haha I never noticed that. I bet she doesn’t mind dousing herself in hairspray because she doesn’t have to worry about closing her eyes! What a care-free life!

      I know, right? Who was in charge of the color scheme for this poster? It’s just so awful.

  4. It’s worse than we thought. Carol accidentally grabbed sunglasses instead of the nose plugs she wanted, because everyone know how badly Pete’s feet stunk.
    (That’t the real reason the Beatles broke up.)

  5. harperfaulkner says:

    Well, once again you’ve hurt me deeply. Carol was my first wife. She was blinded in high school by me. I was playing with the acid and pretending to throw it in her face when the lid came of the jar. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes. Carol died in a tragic bus accident. We were visiting London and her seeing eye dog failed to look the right way and led her into oncoming traffic. It was one of those red, double-decker tourist buses. I always wanted to ride on one of those, but I digress. Carol was shattered and so was her pimp cane. With the insurance money, I had that poster made and distributed to help others. I also put in a neat pool and got a bitchin’ car. Anyway, thanks for bringing back those tragic memories. I loved that dog. HF

    • This comment was almost better than my entire post. Almost. Cars and pools really help heal all wounds. Such a jokester–pretending to throw acid in her face! How fun! I could see how her dog would be confused and I’m sure the jet-lag didn’t help matters.

    • Hahah thanks Michael. I always accredit you to “discovering me”. I’m glad I’ve held your interest for so long!

      Haha Carol the blind bird…

      • Yes, I def remember that! I actually liked the entire CSI unit, but that’s prob because I’m super-morbid… oop~ lol Didn’t we go to Brookfield Zoo too? I feel like that was something that happened.

  6. unfetteredbs says:

    I know have the Thomas Dolby song stuck in my head after reading this post and HF’s comment. Thank you for that…

  7. Lily, you are a riot. You obviously put your artistic skills to work putting Carol with the Beatles. She should be proud, pimp cane and all. I do hope you’ve learned a vital lesson about safety goggles — Carol is the poster child for that now. Don’t let it be you. (but Lily would be a much cooler name, though).

    • Haha thanks Brigitte! Carol should definitely be proud! She has the best strut out of all the members of the band! Unfortunately I didn’t make the picture…I found it on google! Apparently, I’m not the only one who likes to poke fun at Carol! Lily would’ve been a more appropriate name because it’s definitely something that I would’ve done!

    • That is the pimpest news I’ve had all day. Granted, it’s only 10:45 am for me, so who knows. Thanks Breezy! You make my blogging life way more fun :D

  8. Poor Carol. We always had to wear our safety goggles even in the olden days (the 60s) and my father made me wear mine when we were woodworking, too. He was very safety conscious.

    • You woodworked with your dad? That sounds intense. That’s good that he made you wear your safety goggles though. Imagine getting a splinter in your eye! Yowzaaa!

    • Haha thanks so much! Yes, definitely. In most bad situations, my way of comforting people is by pointing out that at least they’re not dying a painful death. That usually makes people feel better (or worse). Feel free to use it any time!

  9. Hahaha I really love science, but sadly I’m really, really terrible at it. I can appreciate fantastic facts and love learning about the different parts and what not, but apparently I just can’t apply that to any form or reason, or exams for that matter. Ohhh chemistry.

    • Hah yeah sometimes science is fascinating. I wish I could understand it better, I really do, but there are so many different terms and formulas…I can’t keep them straight. I hear ya girl. Ohhh chemistry!

  10. Chris says:

    Lily, thanks so much for leaving a comment on 365 Cups of Kindness blog so I could click on your link and check out your blog! I have only read the most recent 2 blogs and I am a fan already! Thanks for making me laugh out loud with your thoughts about Carol – I needed it after being up most of the night with my annoying insomnia. This Texas girl is glad she found you!

    • Any old time! So glad you liked the dumb little things my brain comes up with! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! I love Texas, so I’m sure we’ll get along well :D

  11. Hahaha! This is amazing. It reminds me of when I worked in this electrical component factory, there was a sign next to the store room that said, “WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES – WE HAVE NO MORE EYES IN STOCK” as if to say that at some point they did in fact have eyes in stock. Like in a pickle jar or something. I never to used wear safety crap, because I’m ‘Ard but someone like Carol, well she learnt her lesson there.

    • Hahah we have no more eyes in stock. Ugh I hate safety jokes! You’re way too ‘ard to be wearing safety gear, but I’m sure you could make it look cool!

      • Hopefully around October time, I need to save up about 4k before then though so that means no more prostitutes for me. Well not the expensive ones anyway. It’d be awesome if I manage it and actually find work out there. There’s no better accent than an Aussie accent. As long as I don’t get fired I’ll be dandy! (famous last words)

      • Sounds pimp! October is my birthday month so maybe I’ll either take a trip to England or Australia depending on where you are. You should feel the most special.

      • Woo! Imagine spending your birthday with me! You’ll be expecting like hardcore partying but I end up taking you around some art galleries and museums. (Lolz asif, we’ll be getting battered) It will probs be England because I’m pessimistic and won’t even make it to Australia. But I shall keep you updated :D

      • Yes! We can break a load of expensive shit and then I can blame it all on you, and they’ll be like, “Well… where does she live?”

        And I’ll just suavely reply, “Canada mofu!”

  12. Haha!
    I beg to differ on the name argument though. Carol is not THE worst. I think Barbara or Roberta could easily top Carol… to offense to anyone with those names of course.

  13. I just found your blog today and started following it, mostly because I agree with almost every topic you’ve written about. And this poster–such memories! I found it so hilarious when I was in high school. Eventually I stole it from my chemistry classroom. I couldn’t imagine living my life after high school without Carol. I can’t believe you posted it on here!

    • Aww that’s such a great compliment, thank you! I love when others can relate to what I write about. This poster, as you can tell, made me laugh so much as well. I’ll never forget Carol. I love that you stole the poster! If you’re gonna steal one thing from high school, it might as well be Carol. What a babe she is.

Comments are great, eh?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s