I’ve determined that every Best Actor and Actress has something in common. They pick roles that will shock people. They pick roles that are challenging. They pick roles that will make people love them because, deep down, they hate themselves so much. The least we can do is award them with some kind of trophy for all their hard work on top of their enormous salaries. We’re just the little people, after all.
If you want to go through all of the mess of going on auditions and getting discovered, go right ahead. That’s the hard stuff. If you want to find a role that will win you an Oscar, then you’ve come to the right place. Here are some tricks of the trade I’ve picked up from being an avid movie watcher:
Make yourself fugly. No one wants to be on the big screen and look awful, right? Well, if you do, The Academy will most likely consider you “brave” and nominate you for one thing or another. For example, look at Anne Hathaway’s choice this year. She could’ve opted for a different role, but she chose the shave-your-head-snot-dripping-crying role. I can’t get over her bravery.
Ew ew ew.
Others that have won or been nominated for awards by making themselves gross are: John Hurt (The Elephant Man), Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler), Charlize Theron (Monster), Gabourey Sidibe (Precious).
Side note: I realize that Mr. Rourke and Ms. Sidibe already looked like that before their roles, but still. They’re on the list.
Go insane. Crazy characters are always fun to watch. There’s nothing better than a good old fashioned break-down. I believe that in order to play someone who goes off the deep end, you’ve had to have experience of it yourself. Just keep that in mind.
Examples of expert crazies: Vivien Leigh (A Streetcar Named Desire), Bette Davis (Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?), Ellen Burstyn (Requiem for a Dream), Natalie Portman (Black Swan).
Hey all girls! Whadda know?!
The old switcheroo. To show The Academy what an amazing skill set you have, try portraying the other sex. This should prove difficult even for the best of them. If you go through with it though, you’ll no doubt be awarded for your talent. I mean, even Gwyneth Paltrow won for dressing up as a guy in Shakespeare in Love. Is that really Oscar quality? No. But she dressed up as a boy so it’s fine.
So convincing.
Other examples of people that can play the opposite gender well are: Hillary Swank (Boys Don’t Cry), Dustin Hoffman (Tootsie), Jaye Davidson (The Crying Game).
Mental disability fall-back. This type of role is tried and true. It’s basically a guarantee that you will win an award for playing someone “special”. It’s also a guarantee that someone is going to comment on this post and tell me that I’m being offensive. I’m just being brave, okay?!
Examples of people that were itching for an Oscar: Billy Bob Thornton (Sling Blade), Dustin Hoffman (Rain Man), Tom Hanks (Forrest Gump), Sean Penn (I Am Sam).
Oh look, all men. This type of role seems to come easy to them.
Holocaust roles. Everyone knows how disturbing the Holocaust was, yet for some reason we like to keep reliving it by watching movies about it. For those of us who didn’t get a chance to actually be there, it’s a great way to see what really happened, right?
Examples of these challenging and brave roles: Roberto Benigni (Life is Beautiful) Liam Neeson (Schindler’s List), Adrien Brody (The Pianist).
If all else fails, try to morph into Daniel Day Lewis.
haha! You forgot about Juliet Lewis in, “The Other Sister.” Dan-euwl and Caarlla! LOL!
They should have won something – they were awesome.
It’s so obvious when actors are going for the brave or genius role – then they accept the award and pretend to be all humble, when on the inside they’re like, “That’s right suckas!”
Haha Daneuwl and Cahhhla didn’t get the nomination for their brave roles so I couldn’t include them! I had to give solid proof that thesis was right. They were so funny.
Ugh so true. I literally hate the Academy Awards so much. They act like it was sooo hard to do what they did. It’s like UMMM NO. Go win a Nobel Peace Prize or a Pullitzer Prize or something. It’s so disturbing to me.
Nobel peace prize… nice. That is definitely another potential post. You should totally consider it.
Oooh good idea!
I’m glad someone (finally) has mentioned Juliet Lewis and Giovanni Ribisi and their acting in The Other Sister. I always thought they were snubbed.
Hah yeah all the reviews said they overacted and were terrible, but my mom and I really liked that movie! haha!
I agree! I thought they were exceptional in that movie!
Definitely! Glad we all understand what a great performance is!
olive juice!
Olive Juice too!
I am already so close to becoming DDL! I can already smell that Oscar gold! Can you smell gold?
I can smell it. Does it smell like old movie popcorn? You would make a great DDL.
I’ve just seen Requiem. *shivers* You once told me that movie’s disturbing. You were – of course – right…
Ughghgh right?! It was so disturbing! That one scene! My eyes won’t be able to un-see it!
A perfect example of an excellent movie that I only need to see once. It was a great movie–almost beautiful, but too horrifying.
I can’t get that song out of my head!
Oh, totally down with the Fugly concept. How about Halle Berry in “Monsters Ball” and Jennifer Lawrence in “Winter’s Bone”?? Playing a hick is basically all you need to make the Academy laud your courage… I mean MY GOD, heaven forfend ANYBODY would want to play a SOUTHERNER, right???
I haven’t seen Monster’s Ball or Winter’s Bone! I should see both though, right? When I was doing my research for this post, I realized how many movies I haven’t seen! Crazy!
Hah Southerners! Actors and actresses really have to dig deep for those roles, huh?
Except for the fact that J.Lawrence is from Kentucky and definitely one of the most real actresses coming up right now. Just sayin
Hmmmm…. I’m already fugly, I’m definitely insane, and I’m borderline retarded. I should be a shoe-in! Yay!!!
Hah definitely! Although, maybe you should try going for a harder role–maybe play someone average and see how it works out.
Yeah, I’m screwed until they start filming for the new Star Wars movie. Nobody needs a stormtrooper anymore…
Hahah! So true…you just have one of those faces…
DDL, ahh…he can do anything. I love him.
I was just thinking of Betty Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane — I tried finding a youtube clip of her at the beach drunk with the ice cream cone — it reminds me of me — haha! — well, me, back in the day when I used to do this kind of thing.
My mom showed me Baby Jane when I was like 11. Haha it was so bizarre to me! I need to re-watch it and show my husband. He’ll be so scared. heheh
DDL is a freak of acting nature. It’s true.
I have not seen any of the movies you mentioned here but I just wanted to say hello and that you made me giggle with fugly and mental disability=men. Yes I live in a cave and never go out.
Also If I were grading this post, i would give you an A for a very strong argument and excellent thesis statement.
Thank you very much Audra! So glad I have you on my side. I needed someone (especially a smart librarian) to grade this piece of work for me in order to feel like I did a good job. And now I truly feel like I did!
Also, I need to see a lot of movies too. Most of the ones I listed I’ve seen, but I was looking at the Academy Awards of past years and I haven’t seen any of them! Oh well…
This is hilarious- and totally true. After this year you can also add “being a child” (Anna Paquin, that 9 year old from Beasts of the Southern Wild).. But then you’d probably need to invent a time machine. But then youd probably win the nobel prize too. What am I even talking about.
Haha omg your comment is better than my entire post. I always make comments that just turn into me talking to myself. So good.
But yeah I should make “being a child” a category. Wasn’t that girl in Whale Rider nominated at one time? Maybe she was older? What would the cut-off year be? Idk
Not sure how Daniel Day Lewis was shocking in Lincoln.
Does that mean he won’t win?
(And didn’t he win for My Left Foot a while ago?)
Yes, he did! He wins for pretty much everything he does. Or at least gets nominated. I don’t think DDL has to shock people, I think he just has to be Daniel Day Lewis and he’ll get a nomination!
I would love to see him do a comedy.
Hah omg yeah! Like a slapstick comedy! Pshhaha
That’s because there is a category you forgot – if you play a liberal historical leader, you are a lock too. Any person in power who champions the underdog or another liberal cause, who is also far enough removed into the past to be romanticized, will do – Lincoln, Churchill, FDR, Washington, the Queen, Gandhi, … and oh yeah, best to overact it to the point of becoming a ridiculous caricature a la Daniel Day Lewis or Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Am I the only one who doesn’t get Daniel Day Lewis? He hasn’t been good since he played himself in A Room with A View. In my opinion, he essentially played the same character in The Boxer, Gangs of New York, There Will Be Blood, and now again in Lincoln. Even IF you agree he does a nice job of this character, should one win the best actor award for playing the same character that he played when he won previously?
Ugh.
You’re right about the “People in Power” category. Everyone likes to see history come to life. Overacting is key for getting nominated–too true. No one likes to watch a normal, everyday character.
Ugh no, I’m right there with you about DDL. I hate how he gets the nomination for everything he does. It’s kind of not fair. I didn’t care for him in Gangs of NY or There Will Be Blood. I just didn’t think they were THAT great. I think people build him up a lot and it’s expected, ya know? You’re totally right. I agree!
Agreed – his performance is good, just not AMAZING as everyone else seems to think.
Not sure if Mickey Rourke made himself gross
Maybe he was just born that way?
Years of bad plastic surgery and being a boxer did.
Dead on. That’s all I got. At least I didn’t say something uncomfortable like others may.
That’s true. As long as you agree with me, all is right in the world.
How do you account for Nicole Kidman ever getting nominated. In fact, how do you account for Nicole Kidman ever getting work as an actress? She’s hopeless!
Haha well she won Best Actress for The Hours, right? Remember that big nose she wore? Making herself ugly! Have you ever seen her in The Others? I kind of like that movie. She doesn’t bother me too much, but I know a lot of people who don’t like her. Hah
Forrest Gump was mentally disabled!?! Damn. Did you know. John Hurt is from my home town? And they say no one famous comes from Chesterfield haha. Excellent post Lillinator, Deffo FP worthy!
Well, maybe Forrest Gump was just southern…hah. Chesterfield sounds like a sweet place. It’s quite northern right? Thanks Petey. All thanks to you!
It may sound it, but in reality; it’s pretty boring which is why the only famous people to come out of Chesterfield are John Hurt, Jason Statham and the guy that built the first ever public railway in the world haha. It’s pretty much in the middle of the country.
That’s pretty good though! And of course, ‘Ard Pete Howorth is from there which gives it a little more credit.
Especially when I’m famous world wide, but then I’d probs do what others do and say I’m from somewhere else people might have heard of such as… Sheffield *shrugs*
Hah I have a friend who went to uni with me who’s from Sheffield! Never been though. I’ll go when I come visit you again
I live like 10 minutes away from Sheffield, Sean Bean’s from there you know!
As a Southerner…..
Thank you for this. I’ve got the fugly thing down pat. Wait. Also the short hair pretty much takes care of the gender switch. I need to call my mom and tell her I’m a star!
NO YOU DON’T. You are gorge and your hair cut is bomb. If you want to be a star, you have to go for a challenging role. Have you ever thought about going insane? Maybe pull thoughts from the potty training experience to guide you! Hah
As always, your observations are spot-on, Lily!
Thanks Hook!
It does seem like actors/actresses that make themselves ugly are often a shoe in for a nomination (Nicole Kidman in “The Hours” / Charize Theron in “Monster)
It’s often the case! Being ugly for a role is such a courageous choice, isn’t it?
Although, Jamie would argue that it’s impossible for our fellow Canadian, Ryan Gosling, to look ugly… and he was nominated for a relatively indie role…
Ehm, I don’t think Ryan Gosling is THAT cute…but I’m one of the weird ones I guess.
Great post–insightful and witty. It’s true, isn’t it–go insane, ugly, or cross dress to get the gold.
Thank you so much! Yes, if you act out of the norm, then you’re definitely in the running for Oscar gold. Thanks for stopping by!
I thought Hilary Swank was amazing. Thoughts?
Same! Definitely one of her best roles. I love that movie. The ending was so disturbing.
Reblogged this on Bag Lady Boutique.
Thank you for reblogging this. You’re sweet!
Hello There,
I was Just hoping that you could take a few minutes out of your day and check my blog out and leave some constructive criticism on things that i am doing right and things that i am doing wrong it will be much appreciated
http://gam3rsclos3t.wordpress.com/
Thank You For Giving Me A Chance
Jack
Done and done. I really like your blog and I love video games so you picked a good person to come to. I’ll ignore the fact that you probably didn’t read my post, you just commented about your own blog.
I enjoyed your post, but then totally snickered forcefully when I read this.
It took me a little too long to realize this was a spammer. OH WELL. Haha
Great effort, I like your post! My name is Carlos, if you ever want to know about “Surfski Paddling” I invite you to visit my blog, the season is about to start!!. Regards.
Thanks Carlos, glad you liked it. I visited your blog and it’s really great! I felt like I was on a surfing vacation!
Yeah, loved it. I was replying and also telling you at your other comment that you are always welcome to visit it!
You’re good, Lily. As far as I am concerned, if they let Anne show her true performance in Le Mis, her Oscar nomination would be better justified. But no. Some amateur editors decided to maim her performance.
With u on the DDLewis bit though. I think he even walks on water…
Thank you very much! Hah yeah I felt like it was a good role for Anne, but I just felt like it was over too soon.
Hah everyone seems to feel the same way about DDL! He’s always nominated for ANYTHING he does! It’s crazy!
DDL is like the male Meryl Streep… I’ll miss her on this nominations… hahaha
Do you know what’s crazy about DDL? The fact that he actually transforms into every character he plays. It’s scary. Doesn’t he have his own personality or is he just out of this earth?
This analysis was great! I totally agree with you… You forgot to mention on the Fugly category: Nicole Kidman, when she won for the role of Virginia Wolf on “The Hours”. And on the insane category, lets not forget Javier Bardem in “No Country For Old Men”.
I just wrote on my blog an article on why Oscar hates Leonardo DiCaprio… Maybe you should send this article to him… Although he did Fugly with “J. Edgar” and insane with “The Aviator”… So I thinkg he’s a lost case… They simply hate him. lol
Thank you! I actually mentioned “The Hours” in a comment, but you’re right I should’ve added her to the list. I never saw “No Country For Old Men!” I probably should though…
Poor Leo can’t catch a break, you’re totally right! He also did the whole disabled thing with Artie in “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”! He’s done it all!
hahahahaa… Exactly! If they should have given him an Oscar, it should have been for his first nomination in “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”.
On the other hand, you should watch “No Country For Old Men”… it is a kinda slow plot, but Javier Bardem’s character was really awesome! INSANE is the best role to play on a movie if you wanna win an Oscar…
Okay I’ll add it to my list and watch it for sure! I like insanity!
There was also Basketball Diaries.
loved that movie so much…there are lines in it that we, as a family, still pop up…”We aren’t goin’ anywhere Gilbert!!”
It happened! Congrats on being FP’d. It was probably all the bravery, haha! Well-done!
Weeee! I know! Crazy! I’d like to thank rarasaur, and the Academy, of course.
Didn’t want to say it, glad you did. Anne looks ugly…just saying
Haha Anne’s face has bothered me for a while. Something about her teeth and her big mouth. And then the short hair on top of it. Not a good combo. Glad I’m not alone!
Reblogged this on A Gripping Life and commented:
Well done, Lily!! Well done!!
You deserve to be Freshly Pressed for always being original while maintaining your irreverant and humorous style. My unapologetic child — I’m super proud of you!!!!
xoxoxox
Haha thanks Momma! This is my crowning glory achievement. My life has come down to this moment….lol. Thanks for the re-blog love!
Happy day!!!! It’s about time, eh?
Pingback: Reblog: Even You Can Be Nominated for an Academy Award! « The Proteus Experiment
Thank you for the reblog!
Hey Congrats Lily on FP– don’t forget us little ol bloggers now that you are part of the coolest of coolios
Thanks Audra! Hah I will try not to forget my little old group of followers…but I can’t make any promises..
Legit Lily aha you are a smart cookie- there may be many ridiculous pieces on their way out because of all the sense you just made.
Hah thank you very much! Yeah I uncovered the common thread and just unraveled the whole awards process! Now we all know what they’re up to!
Thanks for stopping by!
Wow! Super post!
::applause::
I don’t know if this is true (I just saw it on the internet and who knows?) but Daniel Day-Lewis won for “My Left Foot” and “There Will Be Blood.” If he wins for “Lincoln,” he’ll be the first man to get three Oscars for Best Actor. Katharine Hepburn won four (Best Actress). She’s been dead forever. What’s taking the men so long?
Thank you so much! Yeah, so crazy about DDL–no pressure for him! It always takes men longer to mature…hah. He obviously has tons of room for improvement and the Academy won’t let him forget it!
Oh, and congrats for the Freshly Pressed! Well-deserved!
Thank you so much!
Reblogged this on ON THE WIRE.
Thank you for reblogging my post
You are more than welcome. I have less than five minutes to find the best ideas and people that I would, if I could that is collaborate with and then make my decision upon depth and content quality.
Take care
Enertainment에서 이 항목을 퍼감.
Thanks for the reblog!
You remind me of why I haven’t seen an Oscar-nominated film since Boys Don’t Cry. They are, for the most part, truly awful.
So you didn’t like Boys Don’t Cry? I actually really liked it! But yeah, I hate when everyone builds up a movie so much. That’s basically the Academy Awards every year.
Oh, that one I liked–which is why I saw it. It was one of those rare exceptions.
Reblogged this on SAIFUL ARIF.
Thank you so much!
Even though I love the Oscars, and live for all the pumped up inspiration they provide, I found your post really funny. But I need to add, I do think all these excellent and apt categories you mentioned are honored for good reasons. Human vulnerability and how we care for the weakest amongst us are weighty and dignifying values. Even though Hollywood is not really making its big money exploring these themes, that doesn’t mean they don’t see the real value to their overall enterprise in championing films exploring stories driven by a sort of compassion and integrity. Oscar movies are a lot like hollywood’s laundry. They clean up the whole of Tinsel Town.
I’m happy for the laundry, I’m happy we still value seeing people go crazy, living on the edge, getting ugly, and making their way in the world if not with social capitol, than with grace. I’m happy we still have a hunger to praise the true heroes among us. And if an actor can pull off any of these categories more power to them… in our world, to alter one’s beauty, or even to discard it, to take leave of one’s right thinking or sound mind, is a brave thing to do. And the actors who win in these categories don’t just get ugly or go insane either; they foster in us a willingness to embrace our own ugliness and insanity. They make us love people who have been traditionally considered unlovable. That requires some talent. Damn, now I’m getting fired up. Thanks so much for getting me going. Best to you, patrice
Thank you for reading my post and liking it! I’m glad! I see what you’re saying about these movies giving us perspective on human life and struggles and what not. They aren’t glitzy or anything like that. But just because it doesn’t seem beautiful, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a lot of money going into it. People spend MILLIONS to make movies. Unless they’re making an independent one. It’s kind of gross how much is spent on them.
Personally, I wouldn’t ever call an actor or actress a hero. They’re someone who reads lines for a living. They want people to look at them and judge their performance. I mean, sure they have talent, but when you strip it down (to me personally) they’re not being brave, they’re saying “Hey look at me! Look what I can do!” You’re right in that many performances can be inspiring and leave us in awe. But the actors didn’t write those words or even think of them. They’re just saying them. I don’t know. Something about praising them so much bugs me. But I totally understand what you were saying. Movie magic is beautiful. Thanks for your opinion and stopping by!
I don’t mean the actors are the heroes, I mean the people with those true struggles they are seeking to embody on screen are. You’re so right though, we really do love to glorify actors and that’s is truly annoying…I’m just happy to see life’s diversity portrayed even a little bit on the big screen.
Keep writing great posts !!
Oooo hah I’m dumb.
I agree that’s it’s much more fun to watch a unique character than some normal, every day Joe. Thanks so much for commenting and reading! You made me think!
I know that Camron Diaz never thought in a million years that her role in Bad Teacher would get any nomination, but I can’t fathom why she and Timberlake made such a Gawdawful film. I lost respect for both of them!
I agree about the shoe-ins for Oscars. It seems so simple!
Congrats on your award too!
That movie was so bad wasn’t it? I thought it could be funny from the preview but it just wasn’t good at all.
Hah yep–we’re just all here unlocking the Oscar mysteries!
Thanks so much!
Congrats on FP! This was a great post!
Thank you so much! I feel so accomplished…
Pingback: Even You Can Be Nominated for an Academy Award! | hisnow1
Thank you for the reblog!
Reblogged this on MINDFUL-MOD and commented:
I always love to read a blogpost that strikes my funny bone but also has a ring of truth to it! Check this one out friends!
Thank you so much!
Touche, Lily. Touche.
*bows and curtsies* Why thank you!
Congrats on being freshly pressed. This post is hilarious…surely a good way to start the day.
Aww thanks so much! Glad you liked it! Some people don’t get my sense of humor…glad I’m not the only one who laughs at my jokes!
Hahaha…look forward to reading some more of your stuff. Good luck! Cheers!
Love this
Thank you so much
You left out Elizabeth Taylor in ‘Who’s afraid of Virginia Wolf.’ Overweight and coarse, she did a better job of it than when she was playing glamorous roles.
Oh I haven’t seen that one but I saw it on the list. There are so many good examples, right? The off-beat roles are always the best.
Better morph into DDL with a disability as in “My Left Foot” of 1974. It is a 100% sure bet.)
Haha so true! If you can morph AND time travel, you’re pretty much good to go.
Reblogged this on Bored American Tribune. and commented:
– J.W.
Thanks so much!
What piece of work, I mean really, really giving out the best of factors in all, in all. True that playing opposite makes the best kind of achievements. I am laughin out because it is so through the bones.
Hah thank you! Glad you liked it
yr welcome
Reblogged this on ashleigh evans.
Awesome! Thank you!
this is the best!
Aww thanks so much! Thanks so stopping by
Of course there are plenty other Oscar winners who won just because they were damn good (and attractive).
But you’re right about the holocaust. In the Netherlands so many Dutch authors have written about it (and still do), and TV shows fiction or documentaries about it too. Because I was away from Holland for a long time I notice these things. “Not another effing Holocaust story!”, I hear myself shouting each time. So boring. Why relive the horror? Oh pardon me, it’s a tearjerking, educational (???) moneymaker maybe? One thing I do know is that reliving it does not prevent it from happening again. Quite the contrary, because what you focus on, expands. Besides the lives of 6 million Jews, WW II claimed the lives of another 50 to 73+ million people. They don’t have a voice though.
Of course there are others who won for just acting well…but I digress.
You’re right about the whole Holocaust thing. History always repeats itself, so you never know. Hopefully people have learned from the mistakes of the past though. At least that’s the hope! But yeah, the subject is tired now. It’s been done, you know? Oh well.
Thanks for stopping by!
Wowza!!! You nailed it, girl!
Thank you for this! I had a great laugh!
Hah thanks so much! Glad you liked it and it made you laugh!
Reblogged this on Elliot Claire London and commented:
Great read…
Thank you so much for this!
The fact that Sean Penn did not get the Oscar for his role in I Am Sam is perhaps the greatest injustice in the history of the Awards. (Or so I say, at least, with a completely undeserved air of authority).
Hah I know what you mean. He was very good in that role. Some years it’s so hard to choose between people that both had amazing roles. And anyone that goes up against Daniel Day Lewis is just royally screwed.
Reblogged this on Giovanni Hale and commented:
Though I certainly agree with your thoughts on this, you have to give Ann Hathaway credit for her performance. She was “simply brilliant”
Thank you for the reblog! Yes, she was very good–lots of emotion. A very believable performance.
“If all else fails, try to morph into Daniel Day Lewis.” So true!
Hehe! It’s hard, but I think trying to morph into someone is easier than actually winning an Oscar.
All of this is wonderful.
Thank you so much. YOU are wonderful.
Let’s me blog friends forever.
Let’s!
Brava.
Grazie Mille!
You can also go gay to get an Oscar. “Brokeback Mountain,” “Milk,”…
Or play somebody famous who died like Ray Charles, Johnny Cash, etc.
Those are also very good patterns! Maybe next year I’ll do Part 2 of this post and steal your ideas…mwahaha!
great post and congrats on being freshly pressed!!! i like DDL but I am rooting for Denzel Washington, Denzel is excellent in every movie he makes…at least in my opinion.
I never saw Flight, so I couldn’t say either way. He is a great actor though, I will agree. Thanks so much for stopping by! Being FP’d means that my life is complete now
Your blog sums it up so well. Awesome and thanks for sharing this. I look forward to seeing more from you!
Thanks so much! I hope I can keep up the entertaining posts…no pressure, right?
I think you will be able to keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. http://www.segmation.wordpress.com
agree
I like when people agree with me
Thank you for the tricks. One time you can put me on your list
Hah no problem! Deal!
You’re offensive.
I love it.
I knew it!
Thank you. I love you. (Too soon?)
If this were a Hollywood movie, it would have been over before you responded, so: nope!
Reblogged this on ireviewalotofpointlessthings.
Thanks so much!
haha very true, i never thought about it like this before.
Hah yeah! It’s weird when you take a step back–patterns emerge!
Pingback: Even You Can Be Nominated for an Academy Award! « emilytimmins
Thank you!
Ha! This is so true! Love the bit at the end, “if all else fails, morph into Daniel Day Lewis.” Seriously. I think if you combine Holocaust with ugly, you’ve got yourself a best picture contender.
Oo that’s a good combination. I think you’re onto something. Maybe you would get double the awards for double the bravery!
I think we could be great friends, if only on WordPress. http://soyoure22.wordpress.com/
I think you’re right!
This is a hilarious and extremely true post, I couldn’t have said it better myself haha
Thank you so much! Glad you liked it!
Haha brilliant post! Loved it and gave a lot of giggles along the reading!
All you said is true!
Aww good! I love making people laugh
Thanks so much!
You were FPd?! yay for you. I wouldn’t know because the FP page is now a white hot unreadable mess but I think you were. This is a great post and picks on two of my least favorite award winners Anne Hathaway and Gwyneth Paltrow…really? Please.
Bravo Lil!
Aww thanks Mags! Hah yeah I don’t get the Anne Hathaway buzz. She bugs me. And yeah, did Gwyneth really need an Oscar for that performance? Me thinketh not. But yeahhh FP’d! Thanks! I learned how to make the FP page a little more read-able. When you click on the page, to the right of the words Freshly Pressed it shows little grey and black boxes. Click the four boxes and it should work.
I like that you stopped responding to the fairweathered fan comments.
I will. I’m just trying to clean out my email with the millions of fan mail I now have.
You are so right! When you audition, you may or may not get a part playing dancing fruit in an underwear commercial. Oscar worthy stuff is on a whole other level. This is funny, thanks for sharing. http://www.charliemccoin.wordpress.com
Thanks! Glad you stopped by. You’re right–there’s a big difference between the Fruit of the Loom commercials and being the top actors/actresses of our generation. Luckily I was able to uncover some secrets…hah. I’ll have to work on tips for commercials though..
Probably already been mentioned, but your reference to Sean I Am Sam Penn put me in mind of the ‘ never go full retard’ speech from Tropic Thunder.
‘Dustin Hoffman? Look retarded, act retarded, not retarded… Sean Penn? Went home empty handed.’
Rob Downey Jr… Luckily the gag was about shallow and self-aborbed actors, otherwise it might have been deemed offensive…
Hahh good point. Never overact. It has to be believable! Dustin Hoffman and Sean Penn already kind of have the look down naturally. Which is unfortunate.
I think RDJ’s point in the film is far, far more offensive than that – Rain Man could count cards and was therefore useful, whereas I Am Sam nwas ‘full retard’.
More the sort of thing you’d expect from Ricky Gervais than a Ben Stiller film, but there we go…
I have to say I gave up on the Academy when Les Mis won best film at the 2013 Oscars. Even if it wasn’t nominated.
Well they did give it to Dances With Wolves and Titanic and West Side Story, after all. And Shakespeare in Love which I recall you mentioned…
Oh I see what you’re getting at. Well, I Am Sam was useful in the fact that he worked at McDonald’s. Hah.
Ps. I like that we’re referring to the characters as the title of their films. Haha
Wait.
You’re saying that characters in… films. have. Names?
No, that can’t be right.
Based on your article I should already be in the movies! Well done!
Hah are your Daniel Day Lewis? Thank you so much!
If you never seen it, Christian Bale in “The Machinist”. Not a real masterpiece, but not so far..
Never seen it but I heard he gets scary skinny in it. What skill, what courage…
Yes, you are being offensive. Mental Disability fall-back! “Oh look, all men. This type of role seems to come easy to them.” Oh, yeah? I happen to know lots of women who fit that description. Can’t think of one right now but I know there are a slew of them!
Haha don’t worry, I know plenty women that fit that description as well. You’re not alone! I think maybe men are just better at it…hah!
Oh, and congrats on FP!
Thanks so much!
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Thank you!
Haha how fantastic! I spent the entire article going “Yep Daniel Day-Lewis has done that one. Yep, and that one. Oh wait, there he is again”. Speaking of, you forgot the group of “tragic life of a famous person that we all adore” group. Oh hang on, premature Day-Lewis reference again?
Hah thank you! You’re right about the famous person dying category! Daniel has it covered. He’s an expert at these awards. That’s why he gets his own category!
Another example of crazy: Helena Bonham Carter, in like every movie she’s ever been in. And yet I think the academy usually overlooks her…
You’re right! I wrote a post on Les Miserables and talked about how HBC always looks dirty in her roles and so many people got mad at me. Hehe. But yeah, I think she’s super talented but maybe she’s like that in real life and she’s just playing herself? Hah!
Now I have to go see all these movies so that I will actually know what all the fuss is about.
Hah yes you do! Well, you don’t have to see ALL of them! Just a handful.
An astute observation on your part, but, one can’t sidestep the amount of effort these dexterous actors put in their work. It’s all about slipping in the character’s skin and it’s certainly not a cake walk.
I love sidestepping people’s hard work. It’s hard for me to truly appreciate people who are worshiped and given millions of dollars for pretending to be someone else. But that’s just me
Good list! I’d add physical disability (Johnny Belinda, Miracle Worker, Wait Until Dark, My Left Foot, Born on the Fourth of July….).
Ohh that’s a good one! I’ve only seen My Left Foot so I’ll have to watch the others!
It looks like I am Oscar winner material:))))
Hah no way! You’re beautiful!
I love your observation and analysis, about ‘ugly’ characters….
Hah thank you! I truly think the Academy appreciates an ugly character or two.
Absolutely loved this, couldn’t stop laughing. Consider yourself followed.
Aww thanks so much! Glad I’m not the only one who laughs at my jokes!
Very true! The Oscars have a definite pattern, which they stick to for dear life!!
Definitely! It’s crazy that you can pick apart roles all the way from the start of the ceremony to the present!
all award ceremonies are sentimental tosh and not worth a damn.
thanks.
Hah agreed. Maybe I’m just sour because I never get awards.
YAYYYY Congrats of being Freshly Pressed!!! Much deserved!
Aww thanks girl!! You’re so nice. I was pretty stoked when it happened!
Great post! I kept thinking about Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada and Les Miz…what a contrast. She really rocks that short haircut now, though. She deserves an Oscar just for letting them film her hair getting shorn.
That’s very true–she has picked an array of different roles. Hah it’s funny that you say she deserves an Oscar for her hair getting cut. That’s kind of what I was talking about in the “ugly” category. Getting a buzz cut is a small price to pay for an Oscar, I think!
You are so dead on with this! I refuse to even watch the Oscars, too many long winded, self absorbed, pandering speeches. The over the top reactions to winning make me cringe -yeah you Halle Berry, you didn’t cure cancer so get over yourself.
I do have to say that even though I couldn’t finish watching the movie-too squeamish-I thoroughly enjoyed Christopher Waltz in DJango Unchained. He would definitely be my choice to receive an award for the character of Dr. King Schultz………if I cared enough.
Congrats of being Freshly Pressed!
Thanks so much! I’m glad you get what I’m saying. I hate worshiping actors. I hate the long winded speeches too. Like they couldn’t read lines without the help of so many people! Oyyy. I will admit that some actors are awesome, but it’s like, why are we putting so much importance on regular people?
I really liked Christoph Waltz in Django too. He’s always so good. Django was grody wasn’t it?
Thanks so much! Thanks for commenting and stopping by!
Great post (and replies to comments)!
You just made my late-hour procastination sooo much better!!
Hah thanks so much! It’s a good thing I don’t have a job or I might have gotten overwhelmed! I love helping people procrastinate!
Anne Hathaway did already look ugly before making Les Miserables. I think she’s even prettier with the weight loss and the short hair, at least she looked good in the Globes. I don’t think she’s a good actress, she’s not bad either, but sure she doesn’t deserve any award for that performance. She didn’t even sing well.
Hahah I kind of agree. I’ve never been a big fan of Anne Hathaway. I remember her saying that some people choose to not go nude in movies because of moral reasons and those are shoddy reasons not to do something. That always bugged me and I lost respect for her after that. And she’s pretty awkward. Did you see her acceptance speech at the Golden Globes? Weirdd…
I don’t like her much either. I think she’s got some likable like Devil Wears Prada or Love & Other Drugs, but I don’t think she is as good as an actress as people believe. She’s so overrated. And I don’t want to be mean by saying this, but her face annoys me a lot I don’t know why but I can’t look at her face and take her seriously. I also agree that she’s weird and usually I like weird celebrities like Megan Fox, but Anne is weird in a not so cool way haha
Very true! Clever.
Thanks so much!
haters are gonna hate.
Skaters gonna skate.
Ah, this is the second time today I’ve read a post that wasn’t afraid of being honest and uncensored. So refreshing.
Had fun reading it!
Aww great! I love when people aren’t afraid to speak their minds. Glad you found me
Thanks so much for stopping by!
spot on! laughing out lod on the observations
Hah thanks so much! Glad I could make you laugh!
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That is true!! Ahah very nice post, I enjoyed reading it
All the best xx
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! Glad you liked it!
As someone who REALLY hates the Oscars, I have to say, you did a great job portraying the “skills” it takes to win an academy award these days. Your cynical wit is genuinely refreshing and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your piece.
Oh wow thank you so much. that’s quite a compliment. It’s easy to get caught up in the illusion of celebrities these days and the rush to see movies that are overly talked up. I think it’s better to take a step back and realize that these “geniuses” are just people trying to win awards. Hah thanks for commenting and stopping by!
Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.
Great piece! At first glance I thought the photo of Anne Hathaway was Matthew Broderick and the one of Gwyneth Paltrow was James Spader. Also, don’t forget the incredible chameleon like qualities of award winning actress Meryl Streep who not only played Margaret Thatcher in “The Iron Lady” but also one of the dining rooms in Buckingham Palace.
Thank you! Anne does have a Ferris Bueller quality to her face, I’ll admit. LOL about Paltrow looking like Spader! Hahah I won’t be able to un-see that.
Meryl is definitely a chameleon. A chameleon with a weird nose.
Speaking as a famous actor, your advice is very useful. And also amusing; very, very amusing. Thanks. And I shall take your advice on board. And, after reading (skimming through) your most recent post, don’t feel any pressure to reply to this message. Use your time more wisely. Write another post, perhaps? Whatever. That’s your call, not mine. Bye.
I’m so honored to have a famous actor grace my blog! You should definitely take my advice because I’m a professional advice-giver. I reply to all comments so don’t be under the impression that just because you’re a famous actor I’m going to ignore yours.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Hahaha! Thumbs up for “bravery”, tackling a tacky subject. :p
Thanks lovely! I do what I can!
This is so true and I always told myself that to win an Oscar one must be different, original and connect with the audience one way or another. All the Oscar winners have been challenging roles where they go through not only the mental process but also the physical process to portray this role and give it justice. -yandy @ yandysworld.com
Yes, the different and original roles will usually be Oscar quality for sure! But the actors do have to give it their all, you’re right. Depending on the performance and how much I respect the actors, sometimes I think I could win an Oscar myself and sometimes I think there’s no way! Hah
Lol, that made me think of two more: Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted and Jack Nicholson in One flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.
I’ve never seen Girl, Interrupted, but it’s on my list! I was going to include One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest in my “going crazy” section but he was pretty normal for most of the movie and the lobotomy wasn’t really his choice. Haha!
Absolutely hilarious mindset! Even though I’m a worshipper of film and take it quite seriously, I couldn’t help but laugh at your insight. Bravo!
talkingabouttalkies.wordpress.com
Hah thank you very much. It’s always hard to see something you love get made fun of. You’re a good sport
I’m not blind to good humor! And you have it. Plus, musicals can often be overdone. Dream Girls comes to mind. And I’m sure this one, too.
Yup, don’t forget Charlotte Rampling’s lack of emotion in “Night Porter”.
I can easily forget that because I’ve never seen it! I’ll add it to my list though! Thanks!
Haha! Anne Hathaway’s snot-dripping was LOL worthy! I thought maybe my sister and I were the only ones laughing through the majority of Le Miz (mostly at the horrible forced singing by Russell Crowe), but it sounds like you may have had a few chuckles yourself! =] Great post!
Haha thank you! Yes, I mean for most of it I was laughing in my head and taking notes to blog about later. But Russel Crowe was so snooze worthy. UGH. Anne looked gross. And still does in my opinion….zing!
Hahaha.. hilarious! Great posting!
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
Totally noted and written down. Off to buy a giant stick on nose, let my eyebrows morph in to a huge monobrow and test how I would walk with a penis. I should have an Oscar in not time!
Hah that is exactly how you perfect “the craft” of acting! Let’s be real though–having a penis would be weird. I don’t know how guys do it.
Ahhh this is so great! I cannot agree more! Great point of view, and congrats on FP! Nerd With Taste
Thank you! Glad you liked it and stopped by!
How about being great?
Nahh that doesn’t seem like reason enough
How about a setting in a developing world (euphemism for third world) (Slumdog), gay rights (Milk, BrokeBack) and racism?!
Sometimes the Academy sure does continues surprise all of us!
Those are good too! It’s interesting how many re-occurring themes there are! Good thoughts!
That’s true. I love when an underdog wins an Oscar.
Did you ever get a chance to watch an Indian movie nominated for the Oscars? (Leave Gandhi and Slumdog..)
Mother India.. Lagaan.. Salaam Bombay..
The thing I want to probe is – what can we, Indians learn, so as to make movies, that not only cater to the local senses but to an international audience’s.
Also, I guess, Slumdog was, well, a surprise and an undeserved one, when compared with The Curious Case of Benjamin Button..
It really did split the people back here in India.
I’d love to have you write about Morgan Freeman. I think he is Morgan Freeman in just about every movie he’s ever been. Either that or he is God (Bruce Almighty) or the President of the USA. He won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in Million Dollar Baby. I saw the movie, remember I liked it — but I don’t remember Morgan Freeman because, I think, he played the winning role like any role he’s played before — as Morgan Freeman.
Hah Morgan Freeman is amazing. One of his best roles, in my opinion is Red in Shawshank Redemption. Amazing. I think he might have won for Driving Miss Daisy. He always picks good movies. I actually met him once. Maybe I should write about him
Hilarious. And totally true – at least in my livingroom. “tries to morph into Daniel Day Lewis…” That’s fantastic. I found you by way of http://verticalviv.com/2013/01/19/you-should-take-my-class-1359-1375/ She has quite lovely things to say about you…
Cheers.
Thank you! Yes, Viv is way too nice to me! She’s awesome! Hah thanks so much for stopping by! Glad you liked it
What about Viggo Mortensen in The Road? He worked *so hard* for the role … the dog -eared pages of the novel in his hand during the interviews really proved it.
EWWW did he really do that? That’s so stupid. My husband loves him so I’ll have to tell him about this in hopes that he loses all respect…! Hah thanks so much!
Offensive? Far from it! I think you’re awesome for actually coming out and saying that Sidibe actually looked like that before the role. I mean come on people, I’m as much for loving our body as the next person but let’s be real!
Hah thanks so much! I’ve offended people with old posts before so I assumed this one wouldn’t be any different! I’m glad you liked it and knew what I was talking about haha!
You forgot strip yourself naked (Halle Barry).
Ohh I was gonna do a naked category but I couldn’t think of enough examples! Maybe I’ll add that in next years post! Haha
I really enjoyed reading this post! I love your writing style and register. Thanks for the lovely comment you left on my blog! It means a lot to me.
Keep writing! <3
Aww thanks hun! So glad you enjoyed it! I really like your blog a lot! I’m gonna try to keep up with your posts because you’re awesome
LOL! I love this! and I love your usage of ‘eh’
Very very canadian eh?
Haha I started this blog when I first moved to Canada. I would only write posts about making fun of Canada… now I don’t do it as much because I’ve grown to love it! Thanks for stopping by!
Robin Williams in Mrs Doubtfire? Loved reading this
Thanks…
Did he win an award for Mrs Doubtfire? That would be amazing! I actually think he looked better as a woman…lol! Thanks so much!
“For those of us who didn’t get a chance to actually be there, it’s a great way to see what really happened, right?” – brilliant. This single post has made me realise my way of writing is entirely inadequate, and rubbish. Thank you.
Hah this was an amazing compliment for me and a very harsh comment for yourself. You’re a great writer. If you look back at my very first post, it sounds so stupid. Blogs are just writing practice, right? You’ll get better the more you write! Glad you appreciated that line! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting
All a little direct, but I really appreciate this post. Nothing beats poking fun at the conservative and traditionalist Academy members :p
Thanks very much! It’s true, I love making fun of them. Nothing better!
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Nice observation indeed
Thank you very much!
Hilarious from beginning to the end, I loved it so much! Thank you
Also, I’m pretty sure you’re very spot on in there.
Haha thank you so much! Glad you liked it! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!
I think I’m spot on too! We’ll just have to watch what happens on the day of the Awards!
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You see how right you were, Anne Hathaway won for making herself fugly. I should have read this earlier, I could have won me some money by betting using your principles.
Excellent post!
Haha thank you so much! Yes, it all comes down to a science, doesn’t it? Maybe I’ll do another one around next year’s award season so we can win you some money!
Funny stuff, thanks for the advise
, on my way to win a trophy.