Exercise, Games, TV

The Rise and Fall of Fed


Everyone knows that I don’t like sports. I’m not sporty, and I’m not interested in how good your team is. And I really don’t care which teams made it to the playoffs this year. Cheering for an entire team bores me. I have no connection to them. I do however, enjoy rooting for single players.

Over the years, I’ve learned to take an interest in Roger Federer. Sometimes I would catch my dad watching tennis and I would sit down and watch a set with him. And then leave and mumble something about being bored. Paul also really likes the world of tennis. Well, Paul just really likes sports. Even sports that no one should be interested in like snooker, squash, and cricket. Barf barf barf. Have you ever tried watching snooker and had to pretend to be interested? If you haven’t, then you’ve never really experienced pain. I have the name Ronnie O’Sullivan logged away in my brain as a top snooker player. Why do I know that? Why is that fact taking up room in my brain?

Anyway, I took an interest in Mr Federer over the years. Not because he’s cute, which he is. Not because he’s nice, which he is. But because he’s good, really good. And if I’m gonna root for someone, I want them to win. I don’t root for losers.

I’m going to take some time out of my busy schedule to educate you on the world of Roger Federer. You don’t even need to know about tennis. You just need to know about him. He was born in 1981 in Switzerland. This is important. You should know the ages of athletes because if there’s a lag in the conversation you can always bring up how they don’t have much time before they retire, or mention how they’re SO young and already a professional or something like that. People will think you really know your stuff. You also have to consider where they’re from. Think of Switzerland–mountains, neutrality, Geneva, wealthy, etc. It makes sense because Fed is always dressed to the nines even when he’s playing tennis. He’s always matching, never sweats, and constantly looks like he’s having a good time.

Rafael Nadal, hailing from Spain, and one of Roger’s biggest competitions, looks like a rat monkey and has been seen wearing man-capris. That’s Spain for you.

Fed doesn’t only dress well, he plays well too. He almost dances on the court. It’s crazy how graceful he is. He’s held the record for being the #1 tennis player in the world for 285 consecutive weeks from February 2 2004 to August 18 2008. One week short of Pete Sampras’ record. He’s also holds the Men’s Grand Slam record for 16 wins.

He is one of seven male players to capture the career Grand Slam and one of three (with Andre Agassi and Rafael Nadal) to do so on three different surfaces (clay, grass, and hard courts). He is the only male player in tennis history to have reached the title match of each Grand Slam tournament at least five times and also the final at each of the nine ATP Masters 1000 tournaments. Many sports analysts, tennis critics, and former and current players consider Federer to be the greatest tennis player of all time.

He IS the greatest player of all time. Hands down. Nadal and Djokovic are both so stupid and ugly and Spanish and Serbian. Like, go away seriously. They’ve been a pain to watch. Mainly because they both came out of nowhere and started destroying Fed’s career. He’s taken a fall from #1 to #3.

I’m going to blame everything on Federer having kids. Recently, his wife, Mirka gave birth to twin girls, Myla and Charlene. Yes, Charlene. My theory is that once you have kids, your life is pretty much over. Who knows what Mirka is making him do–change diapers, give piggy back rides, clean up barf?! How can he perfect his game if his home life is chaotic? Thanks a lot Mirka.

Charlene has to be the one on Roger’s lap.

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30 thoughts on “The Rise and Fall of Fed

  1. I blame his heavy eyebrows for his demise. They must weigh him down.

    You talking the sports? Wow. All I know about tennis is that I’m pretty good at the Wii version. I went 4 years without playing and still managed to not lose a match against my sister who actually owns the game. it was the Easter Massacre as she had no chance against me.

  2. Brother Jon says:

    I will always be a Pete Sampras fan. (Oh, and I do like Djokovic, sorry) I think this may be because Sampras was so dominate win I was growing up. My favorite thing, before I had to get a job, was sitting at home during summer vacation and watching him and Agassi play in Wimbledon.

    • Ewww Djokovic is such a joke..ovic. I can see how you like Sampras and Agassi though. I was busy being 12 during that time so I guess I missed that match. Sounds like a good one! I went to Wimbledon a couple of years ago, though! It was awesome!

  3. You could’ve fooled me… you sound like a total tennis pro. Nice job at acting interested. That is the cutest family picture ever. Those babies are magazine cover worthy. Charlene is such an old fashion sort of name. haha!

    • Hehe glad I fooled ya! I know, they look so cute it makes me mad. Look closely at how hairy Fed’s hand are though! :0 Charlene reminds me of a trailer park name…something that would be in Roseanne. I guess I’m thinking of Marlene?

  4. What’s snooker? Is that like billiards but where the table doesn’t have holes? I know nothing about sports whatsoever. I don’t even have a single athlete I’ve invested time in learning about. Can I just share Federer with you? He sounds good.

    • I think it’s like billiards, and they have to get different colored balls into pockets in a certain order. It’s so weird. You can definitely share Federer with me! Refer back to this post if anyone quizzes you!

  5. Ha ha Lily another great post! I think you need to get a job as a sports commentator! We need more women on tv talking about sports like you do. For instance, you could tell the audience who you like the best and who you think is stupid and ugly and then go on to explain why the particular sport that is being televised is stupid and boring. Then you could read a few of your blogs or just sit there and be bored and get paid for it. I’d watch!! :D

    • Hahah could you imagine? That’s a pretty good idea though! There has to be other people out there like us! Wait, I feel like this could be a serious profession for me. I’d watch me too! Thanks Linda! You’re a charmer!

      • I was rooting for Tiger Woods to lose the US open this weekend. I only checked in to make sure Tiger was behind. I even suffered a little big of anxiety when he was in second place but thankfully he got way behind and I breathed a sigh of relief! So yes there is definitely a need for someone to represent those of us who have a completely different take on sports! HA!

      • I totally agree! I always check in to see if certain people I hate are losing! I can’t believe brands still sponsor Tiger! So crazy. Trust me, if I was a commentator on the US Open, I would have a thing or two to say about Mr. Woods.

  6. One of the first things you think of when hearing Switzerland is neutrality? :)
    I have a silent sympathy for people from East Europe, because I’m going to do Russian next year (seems legit, isn’t it?), so I won’t agree on what you said about Djokovic.
    Sorry.

    • Yeah, I always think of neutrality, but I’m weird and don’t know that much about Switzerland. I know they have Gruyere cheese! And chocolate! But I guess Belgium has chocolate too. I don’t know!
      Haha you can have sympathy for Eastern Europeans and still not like Djokovic. Unless you really like his style, in which case okay! Feel free to disagree whenever!

    • I don’t even know what McEnroe looks like. That’s how old school he is. They might as well bring back Renee Lacoste while they’re at it.

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