P0wning N3wbs, School

Be Cool


During my precious pre-teen years, I realized that sometimes cheating, being dishonest, and manipulating situations made you “cool”. When we’re young our parents teach us to be honest and obedient, but that literally gets you no where in the eyes of your peers. You have to lie, not get caught, and be cool.

As early as middle school, I remember teachers assigning homework and then asking our class the next day if they had given us homework. Our class would all kind of look around and shake our heads, nope…I don’t seem to remember any homework being assigned. But there would always be one kid, and all it takes is ONE kid, saying “Yeah, we did guys! All the problems on page 75!” And then everyone glares at them and then they never have any friends ever again. That’s just the way it works.

One time (and thankfully the only time) my family went to visit my cousins who live in Minnesota. Even at the ripe age of 7 I knew that Minnesota sucked. During dinner one night, my cousins and I were throwing rocks in a parking lot. I, of course, hit a car with my rock because I have such a great throwing arm. My cousins freaked out and said they were going to tell my parents. Ummm DUDE. Shouldn’t we have some secret cousin pact where we don’t tell on each other? Nope. They told on me and I haven’t spoken to them since. I wish I was kidding.

You're killin' me, Smalls.

Manipulating teachers is definitely the trickiest situation. It usually works in PE because gym teachers have the same IQ as a Kardashian. It all depends on timing. You actually have to suffer first to make this work. Wait for a strenuous gym day, like running the mile. Everyone hates that unit. A mile isn’t very long, but in high school it is. Except for cross country weirdos. After you run the mile, you definitely deserve a break. The next day, tell the teacher that they promised the class would play dodge ball after running yesterday. They’ll question you for a bit, but just stand strong–You’ll be playing dodge ball in no time. Once you’ve conquered gym teachers, you can pretty much control anyone.

Life lessons brought to you by Lily.

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22 thoughts on “Be Cool

  1. I seriously hated those kids that put their own need to look good ahead of everyone else’s lack of commitment and laziness. Just relax, would ya? Did they think they were gonna get a reward at the end of the day?

  2. Those snitchy kids are still annoying rats even when they are an adult.

    One of my geography teachers was really stupid with homework. She would mark it but wouldn’t keep a record of who got what mark. Next lesson she would hand the work back out to us and then ask everyone what mark they got. It didn’t take long to work out that you could get full marks from doing nothing.

    Your cousins sound like eejits.

    • Omg that’s amazing. I would constantly tell your teacher that I got the best grades. So great. I had one teacher that would walk out of the room while we were taking a test! Everyone would cheat and we always ended up getting the same answers. So good.
      My cousins are eejits for sure.

  3. Love the tag “pwning n3wbs” :)

    I’m pretty good at lying to myself i.e. hiding empty Taco Bell wrappers after a night of binge drinking —> “Oh gosh, I don’t even REMEMBER the last time I had fast food!”

  4. We had the opposite today. There was a test and the teacher asked a sentence. But everyone seemes to give him the ‘uhm what?’ look (which is pretty normal in that class, so he decided to watch in one of the students books to see if we had made the exercice. He took the book of a girl that never pays attention… and she didn’t fill it in. So that one sentence was deemed ‘not seen’.

    Being cool is never about being good. Useful life lesson, Lily :).

    • Hahah ‘not seen’. Perfect answer. You’re lucky that you’re still in school. I really do miss all of the stupid stuff that goes on there!
      Thanks NBI!

  5. Marya says:

    Your mother taught me a quote in college, “Crime don’t pay.” She thinks it’s funny/hysterical and so do I. I’ve never spent a night in jail. However, the older and wiser I get, I realize that in order to get to the top, CRIME PAYS. (Crime pays at any cost.)

  6. I hate tattle tails. I remember there were a few in my school, but remember no such instance. I have no problems lying, cheating, or stealing from schools. I rarely did because “timwasgoo”

    I think you mentioned before how your school had to do the presidential fitness test or something similar. My school never had that. Worst gym days for me were swimming (which I never did) and the high/long jump. I’m a terrible jumper. That’s why I’m not a thief.

    Sidenote: The actor who played Smalls grew up near me. He’s quite a bit older but still hangs out at one of the local bars. Never would have thought he’d grow up to be a drunk.

    • Hahahah Timwasgoo…! Why isn’t that your blog name?!
      I’m an awful jumper as well. You would think since I’m tall, I would be able to get more than 2 inches off the ground.
      Haha Smalls was so sweet in that movie. Squintz was my favorite though.

  7. Honesty isn’t the best policy when it results in broken legs. I can safely say I’ve never “grassed” anyone up, I hate people who you work with, you’re in the same both with but they kiss the ass of the manager and insult you making you out to be some bad guy because they want to get ahead. They’re like the grown up version of tattle tails I suppose. The type of people that never have friends because of how much a c.. coward they are.

    • Hah nice wording. But yeah I hate people like that. Don’t they realize how they look to everyone else? All they care about is impressing the authority. So stupid.

  8. Another indication that Minnesota sucks is that you were entertaining yourself by throwing rocks in a parking lot. Was that in the Lonely Travel guide?

    • Hahah good observation! I forgot to bring my travel guide unfortch, but if I did, I’m sure eating mayonnaise sandwiches and staying at a Super 8 would be as classy as it gets.

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