Food, Stores

Tim Horton’s


Always Fresh? Pretty sure that's a lie.

All Americans know that Dunkin Donuts is one of the establishments that keeps our country happy. Without it there would be more untimely deaths, the crime rate would skyrocket, and the apocalypse probably would have happened by now. So, the way I see it is that Dunkin Donuts keeps us happy AND healthy alive.

In Canada (or the C-word) they don’t have Dunkin Donuts. They have Tim Horton’s. Its basically the same thing. But its not because its called Tim Horton’s. First thoughts: Who is this guy? He would sound more professional if he called himself Timothy. The only other Horton I know is Horton Hears a Who, so unless there is an elephant in the back making these donuts, I’m unimpressed.

The gross part is that people refer to it as Timmy Ho’s. I feel like those people probably can’t even afford donuts, so they shouldn’t even be talking about it.

Oh wait. The other gross part is that their company colors are red and brown–kind of like blood and feces. Sooooooooooyeah.

Dunkin Donuts was established in 1950 whereas Tim Horton’s started his biznastyness in 1964. And then he died in a car crash in 1974. So between you and me, he was a copycat and an alcoholic. I’m not saying the crash was his fault, but back then everyone was an alcoholic, so its a safe assumption. Especially if you lived in Canada in the 60’s. Tim Horton’s best friends were probably woodland creatures and booze.

Ugh just found out that Cold Stone is partners with Tim Hortons. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to boycott Cold Stone because of this info. Marble Slab anyone? Plus, Marble Slab just sounds fancier than Cold Stone. I’d rather have my ice cream on marble, thank you.

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11 thoughts on “Tim Horton’s

  1. The biggest crime is that Toronto has too many Tim Hortons. There is literally one on every block. But I guess in the US we do that with DD and Starbucks. For such a healthy city, you’d think there’d be less donuts.

    I always assumed that Tim Horton’s was named after the old hockey player, but that might just be me being racist toward Canadians, assuming that it all comes back to hockey for them.

  2. Marya says:

    Cousin Lily…you didn’t mention what type of cars are planted in front of Tim Horton’s. Like maybe a police car? That’s what’s always in front of any DD…law enforcement chowing on a DD with some black coffee…..ok….I’m now sick to my stomach. Then again, if it keeps our streets safer…having a policeman with a rock in his small intestine souped up on coffee…I’m ok with that…

  3. Lisa says:

    I actually went to the drive through Dunkin Donuts the other day cause I really needed something sweet and that sounded yummy. I asked for a French cruller (spelling?) and they told me they were out. I then asked for a plain glazed donut and again they said they had none left. It was like 2:00 in the afternoon which I figured was a good time, assuming they would have replenished from the morning rush. I was starting to think it was weird, but I was determined to get a donut and continued down my preferred list; jelly filled, chocolate, etc. They were totally out of everything?! I ended up driving right on through. So disappointing. The point I’m trying to make is don’t judge Tim Hortons too hastily, I mean what could be worse than advertising that you sell donuts but not actually having any?
    PS. Buying donuts in the afternoon is not a habit of mine. Just want to make that clear.

    • Yeah my first question was going to be, why were you at DD at 2pm? Only because dad is home probs…
      Glazed and powdered sugar are the only good flavors.

  4. Marya says:

    Lisa – I’m sharing your pain…going to a DD and NOT getting what you want is a terrible thing. Your DD apparently didn’t have any cops in the parking lot, because not having the said DD regulars on the menu is…in my opinion…against the law. I know a family who was driving through Rock Springs, WY (not to get methe) on their way to SLC. They were stressed out and starving as one gets while driving on I-80 through southern Wyoming. They went to Arby’s and the King of Fast Food Roast Beef sandwiches were out of ROAST BEEF…so no signature Arby’s roast beef sandwiches for them. The employee responded in comatose rhetoric, “We have to go to the store to get more roast beef, could you wait?” When you are sacrificing in the food department…make it easy…please? Lily, Tim Horton’s donut delight would never run out of donuts…right? I’m with your mom…give them a chance.

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