living in canada, P0wning N3wbs

Going green. Another reason for me to hate everyone.


Is this some kind of secret black magic coding?

Ever since I can remember, I have hated recycling. I know its good for the earth and it makes it better for future generations, but I just hate it. I especially hate the people that live for it.

Let’s be clear. I’m not one of those people who throws trash out my car window without batting an eye. I will only throw out biodegradable things. I just like to have one trash can for everything. I also hear that recycling is expensive. And I’m all for extra money. Its just so much more work to sort things, or to remember to put boxes in one bin and cans in another. My husband likes to recycle our cans because the government gives us money back. And by money, I mean 4 bucks.  But whatever. As Tesco says, “every little helps!” I like to say that in my Bert from Mary Poppins accent. Aka the worst cockney of all time.

I failed biology my freshman year of college. Mind you, I got A’s and B’s in everything else. I am convinced that I failed because my teacher made us take this online quiz to measure out carbon footprints. Let’s just say…mine was the biggest.

Anyway, Canadians are super into going green and all that jazz. During the first week we were moving in, I had a lot of boxes from all of my stuff from home that I had sent here. And, like a true Canadian, I put the boxes in the paper and cardboard box. One day, when I was bringing another box inside, a man in my building stopped me and asked, “Did you put all of your boxes in the dumpster?” I said yes, looking down at my box that was identical to the ones I threw out. OBVIOUSLY. Then he said, “You need to break up your boxes because you didn’t leave any room for me in the dumpster. I had to break them up to make room.” What I should have said was, “Oh, poor you. I’m sure that really ruined your day. Shut up and get out of my doorway before I punch you, and your Lord of the Rings shirt in the face.” Instead I said, “Oh! Okay. Sorry about that.” Like a total n3wb.

So basically, even when I try to recycle, I do it wrong. See, what that guy really did was discourage me from ever recycling again. Its his loss, not mine.

Final note: Nothing disgusts me more than compost piles.

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12 thoughts on “Going green. Another reason for me to hate everyone.

  1. According to Penn & Teller Bullshit, my source for facts, only aluminum cans are worth recycling due to the costs. I’ll recycle if it’s not an inconvenience, which it usually is. Recycling can lids area always grimy and leave a strange green fungus on my hands. Maybe it’s like a tattoo. People who recycle get green on their hands and they can spot fellow recyclers. I don’t know.

    I never use styrofoam cups and shove people down who do. That’s about as green as I get.

  2. Marya says:

    Lady Lily – you took the “Green Words” right out of my “Not-so-green-mouth.” I hate recycling. I wonder where it all goes when it leaves my recycling bin? I tell my children that when you throw the recycled items by the back door and don’t take them to our cracked, extremely tiny Shorewood distributed recycling bin, I will throw it away with all the regular, normal TRASH. I make good on my word every day…all the time. My children think I am lazy and evil. I believe I am sensible and realize that time wasted on recycling cardboard or a piece of plastic in my busy life, means less healthy food at our evening meal. I simply don’t have time to recycle. And compost those 6th graders are supposed to learn about during outdoor-ed is food for thought from an embittered human.

  3. Recycling, pah, our elders never recycled! Why should we? The worlds not gonna end in our lifetime, I say we fuck up the planet as much as possible and leave it to the future to sort out just as our fathers and grandfathers did! I’m sure by the time we are dead they’ll have invented disintegration rays anyway!

  4. H says:

    Well, how dare someone ask you to be considerate of others…
    It’s your thing if you don’t like recycling, but if it’s a shared apartment complex, or condo complex, or whatever, you’d best start treating your neighbors the way you’d like to be treated. I’m sure you would have loved moving in, unpacking all the boxes, and then when you went to discard them find out someone else had jam-packed the dumpster full of unflattened boxes. Leaving you with a huge pile of boxes in your room until the recycling was either picked up or you did the neighbor’s flattening job for them. Yeah, that would’ve gone over real well with you I’m sure. At least this guy was straight-up with you and called you out to your face. Gotta say he’s a better person than you…

    • Yeah he’s totally a better person than me. If that scenario happened to me, I probably would have left my boxes by the dumpster and walked away. I wouldn’t confront anyone about it because I really don’t have time to worry about boxes. How do you even know the dumpster was “jam-packed”? It wasn’t. But that’s cute of you to be so concerned for him.
      Thanks for reading!

    • As everyone knows by now, CARDBOARD BOXES ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS.

      Do you own a Lord of the Rings t-shirt by any chance? Do you patter around barefoot? Do you rebuff the advances of women when you learn that they haven’t watched the Sean Bean interviews from the extended LotR DVD set?

      When the big truck comes along to collect all the rubbish do you stand there on the side of road shouting “ONE TRASH COMPRESSOR TO RULE THEM ALL”…?

    • Welcome to our little Blog group!!

      1. Treat the writer of the Blog as you wish to be treated!
      2. Help yourself to a Valium canape–or six.
      3. If you can’t sign your name, then, we can’t take you seriously. Only I am allowed to sign as Anonymous, and that is because my cute little photo still shows. Plus, I forget to log in.
      4. Did I mention treating people the way you wish to be treated?
      5. Lily, like the rest of her blogroll, writes with her tongue firmly in cheek. And you thought that bulge on her face was a tooma, didn’t you?

      So, enjoy, be polite and get an account.

      Cheers!!

      The Welcoming Committee

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